Kungakhathaliseki ukuba ubuhlobo bomtshato obunempilo bunjani, kuya kubakho iinqabana ezimbalwa apha naphandle. Kwaye izinto ezimbalwa ezingavumelaniyo ngokuqhelekileyo azikho nto enkulu.
Ingxoxo ekhulileyo, ukuyigcina ngokubanzi kwimibono yabantwana, kwaye ukwenqaba ukubiza igama-nceda bonke babonise umntwana indlela yokujongana nokungavumelani ngendlela ephilileyo.
Kodwa ingxabano enzulu kakhulu ithatha inkokhelo kubantwana.
Enyanisweni, uphando lubonisa ukuba abazali balwa nefuthe impilo yengqondo yabantwana ngeendlela ezininzi. Ukuguqulwa kwezinto eziphathekayo, ukuhlambalaza kunye namaqhinga anjengokuthi "ukunyanzeliswa," kuya kubangela umonakalo othile kumntwana ngexesha elide.
Oko Kutheni Abazali Balwa Nengxaki
Kuphando uphakamise ukuba umntwana oneminyaka engama-6 ubudala angathinteka kakubi ngeengxabano zabazali ezinzima. Kodwa akubona nje abantwana abancinci abachaphazelekayo ngabazali abalwa-ezinye izifundo zibonisa abantu abaselula, bafikelela kwiminyaka eyi-19 ubudala, abanokubangela ingxabano kwimitshato yabazali babo.
Kuya kubonisa ukuba abantwana babo bonke ubudala, ukususela ukususela kumntwana kwasekudala, banokuchaphazeleka ngendlela abazali babo abakhetha ngayo ukujongana nokungafani kwabo.
Abaphandi bakholelwa ukuba imitshato engapheliyo imithwalo yempilo yengqondo yengqondo yezizathu ezininzi:
- Abantwana banokungakhuselekanga ngokomzwelo. Ukulwa kukuphazamisa umgangatho wabantwana wokhuseleko malunga nokuzinza kwentsapho. Abantwana abonakaliswe ukulwa kakhulu banokukhathazeka ngokuqhawula umtshato okanye bazibuze xa unyango olulodwa lwabazali luya kupheliswa. Kungenza kube nzima kubo ukuba banomqondo wokuqhelekileyo kwintsapho kuba ukulwa kungenakuqikelela.
- Ubuhlobo bomzali nabantwana bunokuchaphazeleka. Iziganeko eziphambili zeengxabano zixinzelela kubazali nabo. Kwaye umzali ogxininisekile akanako ukuchitha ixesha elininzi kunye nezingane. Ukongezelela, umgangatho wobudlelwane lunokuchaphazeleka njengoko kunokuba nzima ngabazali ukuba babonise ukufudumala nokuthandana xa bethukuthele kwaye bexhalabele ngomnye umzali.
- Ukulwa kudala imeko engqongqo. Ukugqithisa ngokukhawuleza okanye ukulwa ngokukhawuleza kuphazamisa abantwana. Ukuxinezeleka kunokuthatha umonakalo kwizinto eziphathekayo ezingokwenyama nangokwengqondo kunye nokuphazamisa ukuphuhliswa kwesimo esivamile.
Iimpembelelo zeMpilo yengqondo elide
Ngo-2012, isifundo sashicilelwe kwiphephancwadi leNtuthuko yabantwana ekhangele umphumo wenkqubela yabazali kubantwana abavela kwi-nursergen ukuya kwibanga lesixhenxe. Bayiyinxalenye yeentsapho ezingama-235 zasemaphandleni eMidwest nakumaNortheast United States kunye nomvuzo ophakathi phakathi kwama-40,000 kunye nama-60,000.
Xa babo abantwana be-nursergarten, abazali babuzwa malunga nokuba baxabana kangakanani emtshatweni wabo. Baye bacelwa ukuba bathethe ngesihloko esinzima, njengemali, kwaye abaphandi bajonga indlela amaqabane abaluleke ngayo.
Kwiminyaka eyisixhenxe kamva, abaphandi balandelelana neentsapho. Bobabini kunye nabazali babuzwa malunga nokulwa emtshatweni wabazali kunye nempilo yengqondo yabantwana.
Abazali bezilwanyana ababengabazali ababethwa ngokunyanisekileyo kwaye bahlala besenokuba neengcinezelo, ukuxhalaba kunye nemiba yokuziphatha ngexesha befikelela kwibanga lesixhenxe.
Leyo ayiyo yodwa imiba abantwana abakwazi ukujamelana nayo xa abazali babo bebetha rhoqo.
Nazi iziphumo ezinye iziphumo ezifunyenwe xa zihlolisisa umphumo wokulwa kwabazali onokukwazi ukuzenza kubantwana:
- Ukunciphisa ukusebenza kwengqiqo - Uphando olwenziwa ngo-2013 olupapashwe kwiNtuthuko yabantwana lufumene ukuba uxinzelelo oluchaphazelekayo nokuhlala kwintlupheko ephezulu kunokuphazamisa ukusebenza komntwana. Abaphandi bafumanisa ukuba xa abazali bebetha rhoqo, abantwana babenenkinga enkulu yokulawula ingqalelo yabo neemvakalelo zabo. Ukukwazi kwabo ukusombulula ngokukhawuleza iingxaki kwaye ngokukhawuleza babone iipatheni ngolwazi olutsha luye lwacatshiswa.
- Ukwanda kweengxaki zobudlelwane - Ukuvezwa kwabazali ukulwa kwandisa amathuba okuba abantwana baphathe abanye ngobundlobongela. Kuqhelekile ukuba abantwana bakho baqale ukuxazulula izigulane zakwabo kunye namaqhinga afanayo awayekubonayo usebenzisa. Kwaye banokuzabalazela ukugcina ubudlelwane obuhle xa bekhulile xa sele bekhulile ukuxhatshazwa kweentsapho.
- Iingxaki eziphakamileyo zeengxaki zokuziphatha - Ingxabano yabazali iye yadibaniswa nobudlova obandayo, ukuxhatshazwa kunye nokuqhuba iingxaki kubantwana. Ukongezelela, abantwana banokuthi babe neengxaki zentlalo kunye nobunzima obunzima bokuguqula isikolo.
- Umngcipheko wokwanda kokuphazamiseka kokutya - Izifundo eziliqela ziye zadibanisa ukuphazamiseka kokutya, ezifana ne-anorexia kunye ne-bulimia, ukuxabana komzali ophezulu.
- Amanani aphezulu asetyenziso lokusetyenziswa kweziyobisi ezisemgangathweni - Abaphandi baye bafumanisa ukuba ukuhlala kwikhaya elinamaqondo aphakamileyo embambano kunokunyusa ukutshaya, ukusela utywala kunye nokusebenzisa inambuzane, ngokubhekiselele kwimpikiswano engaphantsi komtshato osapho.
- Iziphumo zomzimba - Umntwana unokuba neempembelelo zomzimba ezivela kwimfazwe, ezifana neengxaki zokulala, izilonda zesisu okanye iintloko.
- Ingozi ephakamileyo yeengxaki zemfundo - Olunye uphando lufumene ukuba ukuhlala kwintlanano ephakamileyo yongxabano kwandisa amathuba okuphuma esikolweni esiphakamileyo kunye nokufumana amazinga amabi.
- Umbono ongeyimbi ngakumbi ngobomi - Abantwana abakhuliswa emakhaya axabana kakhulu banokuba nemibono engalunganga yobudlelwane babo. Kananjalo nabo banokuzijonga ngendlela engafanelekanga. Uphando olwenziwe ngo-2012 olupapashwe kwi- Journal of Youth and Adolescence luboniswe ukuba abantwana babonwe ukulwa kwabazali banokuthi banokuzithemba.
Xa Ukulwa Kuba Ngxaki?
Kungakhathaliseki ukuba uneminyaka engakanani yabantwana bakho okanye ukuba ubona iziphumo zemibambano yomtshato, jonga ngokukhawuleza indlela ophikisana nayo. Kungenxa yokuba iimfazwe zakho azitholi umzimba azithethi ukuba azilimazi abantwana bakho.
Iingxabano ezingavumelaniyo ezingabangela impembelelo embi kubantwana ziquka:
- Ukubiza igama
- Izibhengezo
- Izisongelo zokushiya (njengokusongela ukushiya indlu okanye umtshato)
- Naluphina uhlobo lokugwenxa (kuquka ukuphosa izinto okanye ukubetha izinto ngomsindo)
- Ukuhamba okanye ukuhoxisa kwimpikiswano
- Ukwahlula (ukunika komnye umzali xa kungekho sisisombululo)
Ngoko ngoxa unokuba ucinge ukuhamba kude neengxabano kwaye unike iqabane lakho ukunyanzeliswa kweentsuku ezintathu akuyona into enkulu-into eninzi kubantwana bakho. Izingane zakho zibona indlela olawula ngayo ukungavumelani kwaye zifunda izakhono zokulungisa iingxaki, izakhono zomgaqo-mpawu, kunye nezakhono zokusombulula iingxabano ezivela kuwe.
Kwakhona kubalulekile ukucinga ngomyalezo othumela kubantwana bakho ngobudlelwano bobubele. Ukuba wena kunye neqabane lakho niphathana ngokungahloneli, abantwana benu baya kukhula becinga ukuba kulungile ukwenza okufanayo-mhlawumbi baya kukholelwa ukuba kulungile ukuba abanye baphathe kakubi.
Ukunciphisa Iimiphumo Zengxabano Yomtshato
Ngamanye amaxesha, ukungavumelani kuphuma ngaphandle. Omnye umntu uthi into engathethiyo, omnye umzali akaqapheli ukuba abantwana babo balaphule ngaphesheya kodonga.
I-spat okanye amabini ayitsho ukuba uye wonakalisa umntwana wakho ngendlela engafanelekanga. Nangona kunjalo, ungase uthande ukuthatha amanyathelo ambalwa ukunciphisa imiphumo yento awayeyibonayo kwaye ayiva. Ukuba ukungavumelani kwakho kukhula kakubi, ungathatha amanyathelo ukulungisa imeko kunye nezingane zakho:
- Xoxa ngokulwa . Nangona akudingeki ungene kwizinto ezithile malunga nento wena kunye neqabane lakho ningavumelani ngazo, bamba intlanganiso yeentsapho ukuba nithethe into enje, "Ubaba waza ndaxabana ngobunye ubusuku obuphume. Sasingenalo ngcamango efanayo kwinto ebalulekileyo kubo bobabini, kodwa kwakungalunganga kuthi silwe. "
- Qinisekisa abantwana ukuba yinto nje ingxabano kwaye ingabonakali kwiingxaki ezinkulu . Qinisekisa ukuba uyakuthandana kunye nokuba awuyi kuqhawula umtshato (ukucinga ukuba, ukuba yinyaniso yeqiniso).
- Qedela ngokuqinisekisa ukuba abantwana bayaqonda ukuba usapho olomeleleyo . Chaza ukuba iziganeko zenzeke ngezinye iinkcukacha kwaye abantu banokulahlekelwa ngumsindo wabo. Nangona kunjalo, nonke nithandana, nangona ningavumelani.
Ukuba ukholelwa ukuba ukulwa kwakho neqabane lakho okanye iqabane lakho kulimaza inhlalakahle yengqondo yomntwana wakho, qwa lasela ukubona umgulana. Ingcali iyakwazi ukuba umntu onokufumana inzuzo yonyango ukuba afunde izakhono, njengokulawula umsindo okanye ummiselo womzwelo, okanye ukuba ufanele uhambe kwiibini zengcebiso ekusebenzeni ubudlelwane bakho kunye.
Ngaba Abantwana Abangcono Ngaphandle Kwemizalwane Eyabini?
Ngokuqhelekileyo abantwana baqhuba kakuhle kwiintsapho ezimbini zomzali. Kodwa, kubalulekile ukuba abazali bahlangane. Ukuba kukho ukulwa okuninzi, abantwana bangaphumelela xa abazali babo behlukana.
Abazali abaninzi bayazibuza ukuba bangcono ukuba bahlale kunye ngenxa yezingane okanye baqhawule kuphela. Kucacile ukuba umtshato ungathatha inkokhelo yengqondo yabantwana.
Ukongezelela, abantwana abakhula kunye nabazali abangabodwa bahlala befumana ezinye iingxaki-njengemiba yezoqoqosho-kwaye abanako ukwenza kunye nezingane ezikhulayo kwiintsapho ezimbini zomzali. Kwaye ngokucacileyo, ukutshata kwakhona kunye nokuhlala kwintsapho edibeneyo kunokuba nzima kunabantwana.
Kodwa, ukuhlala kwikhaya eliphambene nokuxhatshazwa kunokwenzeka ukuba lilinganayo-njengokuba ngabazali babo baqhawule. Xa abazali bedibene kunye ngexesha emva kokuqhawula umtshato, abantwana abasoloko bengenaso izikrakra zengqondo ezihlala ixesha elide.
Ngoko xa ufumana ulwalamano oluphezulu, ukuhlala kunye ukuze abantwana bangenakwenza abantwana bakho nantoni na. Kubalulekile ukufuna uncedo lokunciphisa impikiswano okanye ukwenza utshintsho kulwalamano ukuze abantwana bakho bakwazi ukukhula bevuya kwaye banempilo.
> Imithombo
> I-EM Cummings, uGeorge MRW, uMccoy KP, Davies PT. Ulwalamano lwangaphakathi phakathi kwe-Kindergarten ne-Adolescent Adjustment: Uphando olulindelekileyo loKhuseleka ngokomzwelo njengendlela ecacileyo. Uphuhliso lwabantwana . 2012; 83 (5): 1703-1715.
> George MW, Fairchild AJ, Cummings EM, Davies PT. Ukungquzulana Emtshatweni Kwabantwana Abaselula kunye Neengxaki Zomntwana Okhulelweyo Ukutya: Ukunyaniseka Kwengqondo kunye nobudlelwane bomtshato njengendlela yokuchaza. Ukutya . 2014; 15 (4): 532-539.
> Hinnant JB, El-Sheikh M, Keiley M, Buckhalt JA. Ulwaphulo lomtshato, i-Allostatic Load, kunye noPhuhliso lweeNtlupheko zeNtsebenzo. Uphuhliso lwabantwana . 2013; 84 (6): 2003-2014.
> Mccoy K, Cummings EM, Davies PT. Ulwaphulo lomtshato olwakhayo nolonakalisayo, ukhuseleko lwengqondo kunye nokuziphatha komntwana. Umbhalo we-Child Psychology and Psychiatry . 2009; 50 (3): 270-279.
> USilva C, uCalheiros M, uCarvalho H. Intlankwano yokuBambisana kunye neBantwana abazimelayo: Imisebenzi ejongene noKhuseleko lwaBantwana kwi-Relationship Relationship. Umbhalo we-Adolescence . 2016; 52: 76-88.