Uphando lubonisa izizathu, iziphumo zengxabano zentsapho
Ukuphazamiseka kwemizwa. Ukupheliswa koqhagamshelwano. Imfazwe ebandayo. Ulwahlulo lwentsapho lunokuchazwa ngeendlela ezininzi. Ngenxa yokuba ixhaphake kwaye inzima ukuthetha ngayo, abanye baye bayibhalela isifo esiyingozi. Kodwa ngenxa yokuba ayengakhulumi rhoqo, kudla ngokungaqondi.
Ukuhlukana akufuneki ukuba kubekho isigxina, ukuhlala ixesha elide okanye nokuba uthethe ukungabikho koqhagamshelwano.
Uphando olutshanje lwaseBrithani luchaza ngokuthi "ukuhlukana kobudlelwane obuxhasayo phakathi kwamalungu entsapho," kwaye loo nkcazo ithatha intlungu yentsapho yobudlelwane: Abo bafanele ukukuxhasa, musa. Abo bafanele babe ngecala lakho, abayikho.
Abazali abalahlekelwa ukudibanisa nabantwana abadala bayahlupheka. Kodwa xa abantwana babo beba nabantwana, baphinde balahlekelwa kunye nabazukulwana, kwaye oko kuthetha ukuba intliziyo ephindwe kabini.
Ingxelo malunga nokuHlangana koSapho
Abantu abangaphezu kwama-800 banikezele inqaku elithi "Iimvumi ezifihliweyo: Ukuhlanganiswa koMntu kuBantu abadala," umkhiqizo odibeneyo weZiko loPhando loLuntu kwiYunivesithi yaseCambridge (UK) kunye ne-Stand Alone inhlangano encedo. (Amaphepha amabini aqulethe izixhumanisi kwingxelo epheleleyo.)
Abathathi-nxaxheba babandakanye abazali bahlukaniswe nabantwana babo kunye nabantwana abahlukeneyo kubazali babo, bebonisa ukukhanya ngokubanzi kwimiba emibini eyahlukeneyo.
Ingxelo nayo idibanisa ukudibanisa, kodwa leyo sihloko ayifanelekanga kubazali noomkhulu.
Iqela elithatha inxaxheba lalingamalunga nesiqingatha saseBrithani, intsalela evela eUnited States nakwamanye amazwe. Eli qela lalihle kakhulu kwiinkcazo ezifana nobudala, isimo somtshato, ubudlelwane benkolo kunye nenqanaba lemfundo.
Abaphendulayo, nangona kunjalo, i-89% yabesifazane kunye ne-88% emhlophe.
Izixhobo zobunini kwiNtsebenziswano yeNtsapho
Abanye abaphendulayo babika ukuba bahlukeneyo koomama kunokuba bobawo okanye kubazali bobabini. Abazali abaninzi babika ukuba bahlala kwiintombi kunabantwana. Okuthakazelisayo, nangona kunjalo, ukuhlukana phakathi kwamadoda kulungele ukuhlala kunokuhlala ngaphandle kwamabhinqa. Ukulungiswa kootata kubantwana abaphakathi kweminyaka engama-7.9, kanti ulwahlulo phakathi koomama abaneminyaka engama-5.5. Abazali babika iingxelo ezivela kubantwana abaphakathi kweminyaka emi-5.2, ngokumalunga ne-3.8 iminyaka yeentombi.
Ukuphazamiseka kobudlelwane kwakunokwenzeka ukuba kubekho phakathi kwezihlobo zesini kunezihlobo zamadoda. Xa abathathi-nxaxheba bebuzwa malunga nobudlelwane phakathi kwabo bahamba ngeebhayisikili kunye nokuphuma ngaphandle, kuphela i-29% yabangqina malunga nobudlelwane kunye noomama bathi akukho mjikelezo, nto leyo ibhekisela kwimbali yokungafaniyo, ngelixa i-21% yabika imijikelezo emihlanu okanye ngaphezulu. Kwabo bavakalisa ubudlelwane kunye nooyihlo, ama-36% awabikho imijikelezo, kwaye kuphela i-16% yathi kukho ukujikeleza kwemihlanu okanye ngaphezulu.
Umzekelo ofanayo wawugqalwa kunye neentombi kunye noonyana. Phakathi kwabo babika ingxelo kwiintombi, i-37% ingabikho ngebhayisikili kunye nobudlelwane.
Ngenye indlela, i-20% yabika imijikelezo emihlanu okanye ngaphezulu. Phakathi kwabo babika ukuxhomekeka kubantwana, i-41% yabika akukho mijikelezo, kwaye i-11% kuphela ibhengeze imijikelezo emihlanu okanye ngaphezulu.
Ezi ziphumo zihambelana nophando malunga neengxabano zamabhinqa ukuya kumfazi. Ngquzulwano, abesilisa bathambekele ekusebenziseni icebo "lokulwa okanye ukusabalalisa", kunye neentlupheko zentsapho zivame ukuphumela kwi-"flight", oko kuthetha ukuba abesilisa badla ngokukhawuleza. Ngenxa yokuba indoda inqabe ukubandakanya, ukuhlukaniswa kwezinto kubonakala kukuhlala ixesha elide kwaye kungenakwenzeka. Abesifazane abaphantsi kwengcinezelo, ngakolunye uhlangothi, banomdla wokuba "bathambekele kwaye babe ngumhlobo".
Bajongana noxinzelelo ngokufuna ukusondelana nabanye. Ngoko ukuba bayashiya ubudlelwane kunye nesihlobo, banokuziva bexinzelelo olukhulu lokuseka kwakhona ubuhlobo.
Izizathu zokuHlanganisa
Kutheni ulwalamano phakathi kwabantwana abadala kunye nabazali babo behla? Kuxhomekeke kwiliphi iqela elicelayo.
KwiNgxelo yaseBrithani, abo bahlukeneyo kubazali babo babika imiba emine echaphazela ubudlelwane babo kunye noomama nooyise: ukuhlukumeza ngokomzwelo, ukulindela okungafaniyo malunga neentsapho, iingxabano ezisekelwe kubuntu okanye kwiinkqubo zexabiso kunye nokunyaniseka. Abo bahlukana koomama nabo babhekisela iingxaki zempilo yengqondo, ngelixa abo babesuka kooyise babhekisela kwisiganeko esichukumisayo seentsapho.
Abo bahlukana nabantwana babo babhekisela kwizizathu ezintathu ezenza ukuba kubini oonyana kunye neentombi: ezilindelekileyo malunga nemisebenzi yentsapho, imiba enxulumene nomtshato kunye nesiganeko esibuhlungu. Abo bahluke kwiintombi nabo bathi iingxaki zempilo yengqondo kunye nokuxhatshazwa ngokomzimba. Abo bahlukana noonyana babika imiba enxulumene nomtshato kunye nemiba ephathelele kwimithetho kamasipala.
Unyango olupheleleyo lweminye yale micimbi ingabonwa kwi-Children's Adult Abahlukanisa Abazali Babo.
Ngubani oCwangcisa uMnxeba wokuThetha
Kwindawo enye yophando, isizukulwana esidala kunye nesizukulwana esincinane sivumelana. Lo ngumbuzo othi ngubani owanqamle umnxeba. Izizukulwana ziyavuma ukuba amalungu esizukulwana esincinci asoloko esenza ukuhamba. Ngaphezu kwama-50% abo bahluke kumzali bathi banqamle umnxeba. Kuphela ama-5-6% abo bahlukana nonyana okanye intombi bathi bahamba.
Ngaphandle kokunikezela uxanduva lokuphulaphula, abaphenduli banokukhetha "siqhagamshelana nomnye nomnye" okanye "Andiqinisekanga."
Ukwazi ukubuyisana
Kwesinye isigaba sophando, abaphenduli bacelwa ukuba baphendule kwingxelo, "Asiyi kuphinda sinobudlelwane obusebenzayo kwakhona."
Abantwana abadala baxhomekeke kubazali bavumelanise nale ngxelo. Ngokuphathelele ukuhlukana koomama, ama-79% abo baphendulayo avunyelwene okanye bavunyelwene ngokukhulu. Ngokubhekiselele koobawo, i-71% yavuma okanye ivumelene ngokuqinile.
Abazali abahlukaniswe nabantwana babo abadala baveza umfanekiso ohlukileyo. Abo bahlukeneyo kwiintombi ezivunyelweneyo okanye bavumelane ngokukhawuleza ngo-14% kuphela wexesha. Abo bahlukeneyo kubantwana bavunyelwene okanye bavumelana ngokukhawuleza 13% wexesha.
Kutheni Ukwahlukana Phakathi Kwezizukulwana?
Kutheni abantwana abadala ukuba banqamle ukudibana kunye nabangaphantsi kokuvulelana? Uphando aluzange lucwangcise lo mbandela, kodwa iimpendulo zingaphantsi kweengcamango zentsapho.
Izibophezelo zabazali kunye nabantwana babo zinamandla kunabo bonke abaza kuba namava, kunye nezohlukeneyo zobudlelwane kunye nabafazi, kwaye amaxesha amaninzi amabhondi abazali anamandla kunokuba ziqhotyoshelweyo kumalingani okanye abatshatileyo.
Abantwana, ngakolunye uhlangothi, banalo ubudlelwane obuqinileyo kunye nabazali, kodwa kwindlela yokwenyama yezinto, banabantwana babo, kwaye iimbopho zabo kunye nabantwana babo ziba namandla kunabo bonke abaza kuba namava.
Izingane zihlala zihlala kwisiqalo sesibini sabazali. Kodwa xa beba nabantwana babo, abazali babo baxhomekeke kwisibini sesibini. Xa ulwalamano phakathi komntwana omdala nomzali lubuhlungu, umzali uphulukana nobudlelwane obuphambili kwaye umntwana omdala ulahlekelwa okwesibini. Ngoko ngandlela-thile, ukulahlekelwa ngumzali kukukhulu.
Ukongeza, ukuhlukana kwabantwana abadala kudla ngokubhekiselele ekulahlekeni koqhagamshelwano kunye nabazukulwana. Ukutyalwa kweentlobo ezivela kubazukulwana bazisa iinjongo zabo.
Ziziphi Izingane Ezikhulileyo Zifuna
Xa bebuzwa malunga noko bafuna kubazali babo, abantwana abadala bathi bafuna ubudlelwane obusondeleyo, obunomdla kwaye banothando. Ukongezelela, babenqwenela ukuba oomama bangabalulekanga kwaye bagwebe kwaye oomama bayakuvuma xa bebenokuziphatha okubi. Abantwana abadala banqwenela ukuba ootata baya kuthatha inzala ebomini babo kwaye baphakame nakwamanye amalungu omndeni, kuquka abo baqabane okanye amaqabane abo.
Iimpahla zokuthabatha ngootatomkhulu
Xa ubhekana neentombi, imiba yengqondo ibalulekileyo. Ootatomkhulu kufuneka bazame ukubonelela ngenkxaso yemoya, ukunciphisa umdlalo kwaye ungabalulekanga.
Xa sisebenzisana noonyana, ubudlelwane namanye amalungu entsapho ziphambili. Ootatomkhulu kufuneka bazame ukuhambelana nomfazi womntwana okanye umlingane wabo kunye kunye nomyeni wabo.
Kwakhona, ukuhlaliswa kweentsapho akufuneki ukuba sigxina. Nangona abantwana abakhulileyo bangatsho ukuba abanqweneli ukuhlaziya ubudlelwane, iifomanani malunga nokuhamba ngebhayisikili kunye nokuphuma ngaphandle, zithi zihlala zikulungele ukunika abazali babo ithuba.
Kuya kubazali abahlukeneyo ukwenza loo mathuba abale.