Ngaba uye wakha wazibuza ukuba abanye ootatomkhulu bakwazi njani ukuba nobuhlobo obusondeleyo nabazukulwana babo nabanye? Akukho mfihlelo. Uphando luye lwafumanisa iimfihlelo, kodwa awaziwa kubazali nogogo abaninzi.
UMerril Silverstein noVern L. Bengtson, phakathi kwabanye, baye bafunda ingcamango yokuba babiza ngokuthi "ukusebenzisana phakathi kwabantu" kwaye bafumanisa izinto ezintandathu ezichaphazela le "intsebenziswano." Nangona ezinye zezi zinto zingaphezu kwamandla ethu, ezinye azikho.
Le ngcaciso ayinakunceda ukunceda oogogo nabazali abalahlekelwe ukudibanisa nabazukulu babo, okanye abo banokuxabana kweentsapho ezinzulu kakhulu ezinokufuna ukuba unyango lulungiswe. Kodwa ngenxa yethu sonke, le ngcaciso ingabaluleka.
1. Ubume bePhysical
Akumangalisi ukuba ukufuphi kwendawo yeyona ndawo yinto ebalulekileyo kakhulu yokuqhelana kobudlelwane obusondeleyo phakathi kootatomkhulu kunye nabazukulu. Le nto ingaba yilawulwa kootatomkhulu, nangona abanye babonise ukuzimisela ukufudukela kuba kufuphi nabazukulwana babo. Ezinye iinkalo, ezifana nesimo sempilo kunye nezezimali ngootatomkhulu nobazali bangaba ziimeko xa benqanda ukuhamba. Umgama wobuGcisa awubalulekanga kakhulu kubazali nogogo abafanelekileyo, abanempilweni kunye nemali abanako ukufumana iindleko zokuhamba rhoqo ukuze babone abazukulu.
Nangona ootatomkhulu bayavuma ukuba akukho nxaxheba endaweni yokusebenzisana ubuso nobuso, iteknoloji ikwenze kube lula ukwakha ubudlelwane kunye nabazukulu ngaphesheya kweekhilomitha.
Uninzi nootatomkhulu bavakashele nabazukulwana babo imihla ngemihla nge-FaceTime, i-Skype okanye elinye iqela lokuxoxa ngevidiyo. Abazukulu abadala baya kuqonda imiyalezo yokubhala imiyalezo, ngokude nje ngokuba bengabikho rhoqo. I-Facebook kunye nezinye izingosi zokunxibelelana kwezentlalo nazo zikulungele ukuhlala zidibanisa kunye nabantwana, abadala kunye nabantwana abadala.
Umgca wenyani kukuba ootatomkhulu abanothando baya kufumana indlela yokuhamba ibanga.
2. Ukuphindaphinda koNxibelelwano
Ootatomkhulu ohlala behlala beqhagamshelana nabazukulwana babo banxulumane ngokusondeleyo, kodwa umgama ongeyena kuphela umqobo wokuthintana nabo. Ukuqhawula umtshato ngokuqhelekileyo kunomphumo omkhulu ekudibanisaneni phakathi kwabazukulu kunye nootatomkhulu. Ngokuqhelekileyo unxibelelwano luya kwandisa phakathi komzali okhuselekileyo kunye nabazali bakhe, kunye nokuqhagamshelana nabazukulwana, kwandiswe. Kodwa abazali bomzali ongeyena umlondolozo baninzi bafumana ukudibana kwabo kunye nabazukulu banciphisa kakhulu. Ekubeni abasetyhini bafumana ukugcinwa kwesigcino ngokuphindaphindiweyo kunamadoda, uninzi lwabazali noomama oomama banalo ubudlelwane obusondeleyo kunye nabazukulu babo emva kokuqhawula umtshato, ngoxa ootata oomkhulu banalo inxaxheba encinci. Kakade ke, ootata abaninzi banqoba ukugcinwa, kunye nokugcinwa kokubambisana kuya kunyuka. Mhlawumbi kwikamva yomtshato ayiyi kuchaphazela ubudlelwane bobudlelwane bozukulu kunye nobudlelwane njengokuba kunjalo kaninzi namhlanje.
Umsebenzi kaTatatomkhulu kuNtsapho
Xa ootatomkhulu banikela ngononophelo lwabazali kubazukulwana okanye ngaba ngabazali babo okanye abazali babo, bafumana ithuba elingaphezulu kunamathuba okubambisana.
Uninzi okhulu-ntombi abafezekisa le nxaxheba, nangona kunjalo, banqwenela ukuba bangaba "oomkhulu" oomkhulu kunokuba bazalise izicathulo zabazali. Kwakhona, uphando lubonisa ukuba ubukho bootatomkhulu obuhlala bukhokelela ekubambiseni kunye nemisebenzi abayenzayo. Ingaba ungumntatomkhulu oye wathatha uxanduva lwabazukulwana, okanye "opholileyo" ozala ozala kakhulu odlala nabo, unokusondelana nabazukulwana bakho.
4. I-Concept of Normalcy
Imindeni elindele ubudlelwane obuqilileyo phakathi kwezizukulwana banakho ukuba banako. Kungenxa yokuba amalungu omndeni afundiswa ukususela kumncinci ukuba amalungu omndeni ahlanganyele uxanduva.
Ezi zibophelelo zingabandakanya ukunyamekela abantwana kunye nabadala, uncedo lwemali kunye nokwabelana ngokubanzi kwemisebenzi. Kwaye uncedo luhamba phakathi kokubili ukuya kwidala, ukusuka kwidala ukuya kulutsha. Iintsapho ezinolu hlobo lwenkcubeko zinokubonakalisa ukuba zibophelelane ezinamandla kunye nozuko lwabazali kunye nabazibophelela ekuhlaleni. Ezi ntsapho nazo zenza iinkqubo ezigcina iintsapho zisondele.
5. Ukubambisana ngokomzwelo
Nangona ootatomkhulu kunye nabazukulu bavame ukuxela ngokuvisisana, oogogo nomkhulu bangabika isantya esiseduze ngakumbi kunesizukulwana esincinane. Yiyo yendalo. Xa iintsapho zisebenza ngokufanelekile, abantwana basondelene nabazali babo kunye nabantakwabo. Ootatomkhulu ngokuqhelekileyo bahlala kwisigxina sesibini okanye kwisixuku sesibini esondeleyo. Njengoko abantwana bekhula, imijikelezo yabo yanda, kunye neontanga zabo zibaluleke kakhulu kubo. Ootatomkhulu nabo banokufuduka.
Ngangolunye uhlangothi, ngokugqithiseleyo, bahlala kwihlabathi lokuncipha, njengoko oontanga babo kunye nezihlobo zabo zakudala ziyafa, zihamba okanye zihlupheke kwiimeko zempilo ezinzulu. Abantwana babo kunye nabazukulu bangaza kuhlala kwindawo enkulu ebomini babo kunokuba bancinci. Oko kubalulekile, nangona kunjalo, ukuba ootatomkhulu ophuhlisayo ukuvelisa izibophelelo zengqondo kunye nabazukulu baya kufumanisa ukuba ezo zibophelelo zidlulileyo. Iimbopheleleko ezinjalo zihlala zisinda kwixesha leminyaka kunye neenguqu ezininzi ezenziwa zizizukulwana.
Uphando lubonisa ukuba isizukulwana esiphakathi sibaluleke kakhulu ekunqumeni ukusondelana. Xa ootatomkhulu kunye nabantwana babo abadala bebesondele, ukusondelana nabazukulu bafika ngokwemvelo kwaye kulula.
6. Ukufikelela kwiNgqiqo malunga neMilinganiselo
Abazukulu bavame ukufumana iimpawu zabo zokuqala kubazali kunye nogogo nomkhulu. Njengoko bekhulile, kunjalo, banokuthi bakhulise ixabiso labo. Iintsapho zisondele xa zikwabelana ngemilinganiselo, kodwa iintsapho ezimbalwa ziya kufikelela kwisivumelwano esipheleleyo. Abaphengululi bathi isithuba esithile sesizukulwana sikhula xa izizukulwana ezincinci zifumana izizukulwana ezikhulileyo ezingenalo ukunyamezela kweentlalo kunye nokuba zikhohlise. Ootatomkhulu akufanele bayeke amaxabiso kunye nemigangatho yabo, kodwa ukuzimisela ukuphulaphula isizukulwana esincinane kunokuhamba ixesha elide. Yaye oogogo nobazali kufuneka baqiniseke ukuba benza oko bashumayelayo.
Ukuqulunqa
Nangona ezi zinto zithandathu zinempembelelo kubudlelwane obusondeza oogogo nomkhulu, isimo sengqondo sogogo nomkhulu siyona nto ibalulekileyo. Uphando lubonisa ukuba uthando ngootatomkhulu nobazali akakhiwa kubudlelwane bobukhulu nozala. Ngamanye amazwi, abazukulwana abazuzi ngokuzenzekelayo oogogo nomkhulu. Esikhundleni saloo nto, bafunda ukuxabisa oogogo nomkhulu wabo kunye nendlela abahlala ngayo indima. Ukuxhomekeka okanye ootatomkhulu abangenakuvulwa kungenakwenzeka ukuba bafumane indawo yozuko kwintsapho. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, oogogo nomkhulu ophuculayo ekudaleni umdlalo weentsapho kunye nokuphazamisa ukungquzulwano akunakwenzeka ukuba amalungu omndeni axabiseke. Kukho konke, ngu-grandparent ozimisele ukukwakha ubudlelwane obuqinileyo kunye nohlala kunye nabazukulwana abaza kuphumelela.