Omnye wooyise ongumvakatye oqhelekileyo apha kuBawo ku-About.com wabelane ngeengcamango kunye nam kungekude kudlule nge-imeyile. "Ndivakalelwa kukuba ndichitha ixesha elide njengoko utata nje. Ndizama ukulungisa iindlela zokuziphatha, uncedo ngezabelo zasekhaya kwaye ndincede abantwana banemisebenzi ekhaya, kodwa ndifumana ingqiqo yokuba ndifanele ndiyenze ngaphezulu nangaphezulu.
Ngaba ndikulindele kakhulu kum? "Wabuza. Sineengxoxo ezintle ze-imeyli malunga nokubeletha kwengqondo kunye nezinye izinto anokuzenza ukuze asebenze kangangoko kunye nokuzikhethela ngokuzala kwakhe.
Ndacinga kakhulu malunga nale ngcamango yokukhumbula abazali. Ndiyazi ukuba kuzwakale u-esoteric ne-zen-like, kodwa ngumgomo ofanelekileyo kunoma yimuphi umzali. Ukukhumbuza malunga nantoni na ebomini bethu kubonakala kwindlela esenza ngayo ngoku, sinokubakho ngeziganeko ezijikelezayo kunye nokunyamekela ngexesha esizifumana ngalo. Abantu abaninzi banokuziva becinezelekile ngcamango yokucinga kunye nokuzikhethela - emva kwayo yonke into, kunokuba nzima ukufikelela ngosuku oluqhelekileyo lomama okanye ubaba kunye naluphi na umgca we-sanity left.
Kodwa ukucinga ngokukwenene kukuba ngumzali ongcono kakhulu. Xa sikhumbula, sicinga ngezinto esizenzayo nokuba kutheni sisenza.
Ukuba sisekelwe kwimigaqo, kulula ukukwazi ngakumbi okwenzekayo okwangoku kunye nokuqwalasela ngakumbi. Ukudibanisa nezizathu ezinzulu zokuba kutheni sikhetha ukuba ngumzali kunokusinceda sibone ukuba kwenzekani ngokukhanya okucacileyo.
Ngoko, sinokuyenza ntoni ukuba babe ngabazali abangakumbi abacabangayo - ngokuzikhethela nangakumbi?
Yiba ngethuba. Kukho amaxesha amaninzi kangangokuba ndiphazamisekile xa ngabazali-mhlawumbi ngakumbi bejoliswe kumabonwakude, kwikhompyutheni okanye oko ndandifunayo kunokuba ndabantwana bam. Xa sigxininisa ingqalelo kwizinto ezenzekayo kwaye siqalise iziphazamiso kwicala, sinokuzikhethela ngakumbi nangengqondo. Ukuba umzali uyona nendima ebaluleke kakhulu, ke kufuneka senze ukuba abantwana bafumane ngokugcwele kwaye bangaphazanyiswa.
Ungakhathazeki kakhulu malunga neziphumo kunye nokunye ngamava. Ngokuqhelekileyo njengabazali, sizifumana sizikhathalele ngakumbi ngesiphumo samava kunye ncinane malunga nenkqubo. Ayikho enye imeko ebonakalayo ngakumbi xa umntwana ephosa. Isigxininiso sethu sonke sivame ukuba umntwana ayeke ukuphuma ekulawuleni aze ayeke ukuhlazeka ngendlela abanye abangasibona ngayo njengabazali. Kodwa ukudabuka kuzakuyeka ngokukhawuleza ukuba sigxila kwizinto ezenzekayo nokuba kutheni umntwana wethu engakwazi ukulawula ngaphezu kokuba uya kuyenza xa sigxila ekubuyiseleni abantwana phantsi kolawulo. Ukucinga ngento eyenzekayo kunye nokunceda umntwana ukuveza ukukhungatheka kwazo iindlela ezamkelekileyo kuya kusenza sibe neziphumo ezingcono kunokuba sigxile kwisiphumo esifanele.
Ngaba ngumntu kwaye usengozini. Ukucinga kwethu njengabazali kuphuculiswa xa sizivumela ukuba sibe ngabantu kunye nofikeleleke. Ulungiso luvame ukuphuma ngefestile xa lungaqinisekanga kwaye luyinyani. Imphambili esiyibekayo kwabanye ihlala ibukeka ngokushisa kwendima esidlalayo njengabazali. Sinokuningi ukuzuza kunye neentsapho zethu xa bebona sinyani kwaye singaphantsi. Ukuba iintsapho zethu ziyazi ukuba sinyanisekileyo kwaye zisengozini, ziya kuqonda ngakumbi kwaye sinokugxila kwizinto ezenzekayo, kungekhona into esiyiqondayo.
Fundisa ngaphezulu ngomzekelo kunokuthetha. Ukuzibandakanya kubandakanya ukuhamba kwentetho-yokuhlala ihambelana nokuqikelelwa.
Xa siphulaphula ngokunyanisekileyo (ngomxholo wokwenene wokuphulaphula ngokukhawuleza), sinokucinga ngakumbi kwaye sizimisele. Ukunyamekela ukhetho lwezenzo zethu ukwenza umzekelo omhle kubantwana bethu ngenye yezona ziphawu eziphambili zokuba ngumzali oqiqayo.
Cingisisa kwaye udibanise kumanqanaba athile. Abazali abaninzi endisebenza nabo baye bahlakulela umkhwa wemihla ngemihla kunye nokuqinisekiswa. Kungaba nzima kwizinto zokutya zonke iintsuku ukuhlala nokucamngca, kodwa utyalo-mali luza kuzisa igalelo elikhulu ngokwengqiqo kunye nenjongo. Xa sidibanisa kwi-deepest within us, sinokuziqonda ngakumbi thina kunye neemeko zethu kwaye ngokufanelekileyo kungcono kubantwana bethu.
Gxotha ngaphandle okungabalulekanga. Inxalenye enkulu yengqondo kukunciphisa ukuphazamiseka ukuze sikwazi ukugxila kwizinto ezibalulekileyo zobomi kunye nabazali. Ukulahla izinto ezisithwalayo kwaye ezingabalulekanga kubomi bethu kunye nokukhulisa abantwana kubangela ukuba sikhumbule ngakumbi. Yenza lula ubomi bakho kwaye ulahleke izinto ezingabalulekanga ukuze ugxininise kubaluleke kakhulu.
Khangela ngaphandle kwakho kwaye ubukele. Ndikhumbule amava abelethwe ngumntwana wam osekuqaleni onomvandedwa ukuba ndicinga ngawo. Ndenze ukhetho olubi ngokwenene loonyana bam. Andizange ndixhaphaze ngokwenyama, kodwa ndenza iimpendulo ndizisola nanamhla. Amaxesha amaninzi ukususela ngaloo ndlela, ndizamile ukucinga ukuba "yi-fly on the wall" kwaye ubone indlela endandijonga ngayo nendlela endandiva ngayo kumntwana wam. Ukuphindaphinda ukukhupha ngokuphindaphindiweyo kwandinceda ukuba ndingenzi loo mpazamo ephindwe kabini, ndithetha ngaphandle kwendima yam kunokuba ndithandane nothando. Ukuxubusha amava amaninzi kunokusinceda sifunde into engeyiyo ukwenza ngexesha elizayo.
Yamkela ukuba ungubani kwaye ube noxolo kunye naloo nto. Abantu abanengqiqo bayazi ukuba ngubani kunye kwaye bayazivuma njengobuthathaka nokungapheleli. Ukufumana uxolo malunga nokuba ngubani, nangona sizama ukuphucula, kuyisinyathelo esibalulekileyo ekubeni ngumzali onomnqweno.
Yakha indawo ekhuselekileyo. Ukuqonda ngakumbi into esenzayo njengabazali kuquka ukudala indawo ekhuselekileyo apho iintsapho zethu zingabelana ngemvakalelo kwaye zifune ukuqinisekiswa. Xa sidala amaxesha kunye neendawo apho abantwana banokuziva bekhuselekile nathi kukhokelela ekunxibelelaneni ngakumbi kunye nokugxininisa kwiintsapho zethu nakumzali wethu.
Yehlisa uze wenze ixesha lokubona. Ekugqibeleni, kufuneka siphumelele ukuphila kwethu okukhawulezayo ukuze siphile ngokucamngca njengomzali. Xa sinciphisa intambo ebomini, sinokufumana ixesha elingakumbi lokuba sibe neenjongo kwaye sibone ukudibanisa ubudlelwane bethu. Ingqondo ifuna uxolo kunye nexesha elincinane ukuze sikwazi ukungenelela phakathi kokuvuselela nokuphendula kumzali wethu.
Ukuba ngumzali okhumbuleyo kunenjongo ebalulekileyo yooyise nonina. Siya kuba noluthando ngakumbi, sizimisele kwaye sinqwenele njengabazali ukuba sithatha ixesha elincinci, sibone bhetele oko kwenzekayo kwangoko, kunye nokuphelisa iziphazamiso ekusebenzisaneni kwethu. Iindlela ezimbalwa ezilula zingasinceda sibe ngabazali abangakumbi kunye nabaxhunyiwe.