Xa Umntwana Wakho Ufika Kwakhe
Icandelo ngalinye lokukhulisa abazali lizisa iimpawu zalo mngeni. Ngexa bephakathi kokuqeqeshwa kwamanzi, abazali banokucinga ukuba akukho nto ingaba nzima ngakumbi. Ukujongana nomntwana osemva esesikolweni esiphakathi kunye nazo zonke iinguqulelo - zombini ngokomzwelo nangokwenyama - loo minyaka izisa iyakwenza ibonakale ibe yinkqubo enzima kakhulu yomzali. Ukuthumela abantwana ukuya kwiikholeji kunye neendawo ezingenalutho kwitheyibhile yokutya kwentsapho kunokubangela ingxaki kubazali kunye nomntwana.
Kodwa kubazali abathile, ukufumana ukulingana okufanelekileyo kunye nenkxalabo malunga nokuhlonipha ubumfihlo kunye nomntu ngamnye kunokukwenza ulungelelaniso lokuba ngumzali omdala osemva kunabo bonke abanamava kunzima.
Umntu osemdala ngumntu wobomi ongekho kuxoxwa ngawo ngokuphathelele ulwalamano lomzali nomntwana. Nangona kukho ingxoxo malunga nabantwana bama-boomerang ababuyela ekhaya ukuze baqhubeke behlala nabazali babo kunye neziphumo ezinokuthi zibe nobudlelwane phakathi komzali nomntwana, xa abantu abadala besuka kwikholejini baya emsebenzini baze bafumane impumelelo kunye nokuzimela, kunokuzisa ezinye imiba enokuba nefuthe elihle kunye nefuthe kumtshato nomzali kunye nomntwana.
Nangona amahlaya amaninzi ayenziwa ngabazali abangenakunyameko - umama okhuphayo okanye ubaba onika iingcebiso zimbini nje zezinto ezichasayo-le nto ingabangela ingxaki enkulu engayenza umda phakathi komzali kunye nomdala omdala.
Ukwahlukana yinkqubo eyenzekayo xa umntu omdala esakhulayo ekhula kwaye echaza ukuba ubani yena, uhlukile kwindlela ebonwa ngayo njengenxalenye yentsapho. Kubalulekile ukuba abazali, naphezu kweengxaki zabo kunye nokukhathazeka ngokusuka enhliziyweni nemibuzo, banike abantu abadala ithuba lokuba bazibonele ngokwabo.
Ukuze umntu ngamnye abe khona, kunokwenzeka ukuba abantu abaselula bayakubeka umgama phakathi kwabo nabazali babo, kungakhathaliseki ukuba basondele kangakanani. Umgama awuthethi ukuba uphumelele kwibala lokuqhuba (nangona oko kudla isinyathelo sokuqala), kodwa kunokwenziwa ngokunciphisa umnxibelelwano - iimibhalo ezimbalwa kunye neefowuni, umzekelo - okanye ngokugcina ulwazi oluthile ngasese - abathandana nabo, bangakanani imali abayenzayo.
Abadala abakhulileyo
"Ngamanye amaxesha ilizwi lomzali linokubakho ekhanda lakho njengelizwi elibuhlungu elenza ukuba ithemba lakho lithembele kuwe. Ngaphandle kokuba ilizwi lingabalulekanga, ukwazi ukuba ukuthembela kunye nokuthanda abanye akuvumelani nawe kunokukwenza ukuba ubuyele ukuzilalisa ngenxa yokwesaba ukulahlekelwa ngulo thando okanye ukwenza iphutha. " - Beverly Amsel, PhD
Ukuvumela umntu omdala osemdala enze iimpazamo ngaphandle kokwesaba ukugxekwa okanye ukungavumiyo kubalulekile ekukhuleni kwabo njengabantu ngabanye, iminyaka emininzi ngaphambili, ukuba bavumele ukuba babe neengozi zokuqeqeshwa kwamanzi. Akukho mntu ufunda nantoni na efanelekileyo yokukwazi ngaphandle kwentlungu kunye nokukhula.
Kubaluleke kakhulu ukuba abazali bahloniphe imida yabo yabantu abadala. Landela umkhokeli omdala kwaye uvumele ukuba bafike kuwe ngolwazi, kunokuba bathengise iimpendulo okanye banike iingcebiso ezingabongoziwe.
Ukulinganisa iimpawu zabo kunye nezixhobo zokulawula impilo yabantu abadala kubaluleke kakhulu kwinkqubo yomntu kwaye kufuneka kwenziwe ngaphandle kokuphazamiseka kwabazali. Kwakulungile ukuba abazali baxelele "akukho tattoos" ngelixa behlawula iikholeji, kodwa ukuba umntu omdala okhetha ukuthatha tattoo, ukugxekwa okanye ukucaphuka ngaba ngabazali abanokuzilungisa.
Abantu abadala abafuna ukuhlala badinga ulwalamano oluhlukileyo kunokuba bebancinci. Bafuna ukuxhaswa ngemvakalelo ekhuthaza ukukhulisa, kungabikho ukuzithiba, ukuzithemba kwabo kwizakhono zabo zokuhlangabezana, kwaye bafuna abazali ukuba banikele ubungqina ngokunyuka kwabo amandla okuthatha iimbopheleleko, nokuba ngaba kukho ukuphazamiseka okanye ukuphazamiseka endleleni. " - u-Elizabeth Fishel, uDkt Jeffrey Jensen Arnett, AARP.org
Enye yezona ndlela zinkulu kakhulu ukuba umntu omdala angakwazi ukuba ngumntu ngamnye kubazali ngokudala ubudlelwane bokuthandana nomntu omnye. Ukutshintsha ukunyaniseka nokubaluleka kweemfuno zabanye ngaphezu kwabazali kunokuba nzima kubazali abathile ukuba bamkele, ingakumbi ukuba iimvakalelo zabo malunga nezinye ezibalulekileyo zithethi kunokuba zithande. Le ngenye yezona zinto zibaluleke kakhulu ukuba abazali bahlale bezolile. Ngaphandle kokuba umzali eve ukuba kukho umonakalo owenziwe kumntu omdala omdala-nokuba ngumzimba okanye yengqondo - akukho sizathu sokuba unike umbono - ngaphandle kokuba kucelwe. Nangona kunjalo, nyathela ngokukhawuleza nento etshiwo kumntu omdala omdala. Ukuba ubudlelwane buya kuba yinto ebalulekileyo, kulungile ukuba ungathethi nantoni na engayibonisa ukuba enye into ebalulekileyo ayiyiyo loo nto umzali ayayiyikhetha. Amathuba kukuba xa kufika umhla wokuba umzali adibana nomlingane omdala omdala, kuya kubakho into okanye ezimbini ezingenakulindelekileyo - kodwa kunjalo. Esi sinqumo somntu omdala, kungekhona kwabazali.
Imbopheleleko yemali yindawo enye ebalulekileyo kwinkqubo yomntu ngamnye. Ngokuqinisekileyo abazali baya kubabona abantu abadala abasenza izigqibo ezingathandabuzekiyo xa kuthethwa ukuchitha imali yabo-mhlawumbi imivuzo engaphantsi. Iveki yeeveki kunye nabahlobo, i-60 "Iithelevishini ze-HD, izambatho ezibiza kakhulu okanye ukutya okudliwayo zizinto ezinye izinto abantu abadala abasenokukhetha ukuchitha imali kuzo eziya kwenza umzali adibane nexhala malunga nokuphila kwabo kwemali. Nangona kunjalo, abazali bayakwazi ukucacisa ukuba ukuba umntu omdala omdala ungena kwiinkathazo zezimali ngenxa yokuchitha imali, abazali abayi kukwazi ukulungisa ingxaki yabo. ukwenza imingcele iza kunye nokunikezelwa kwamalungu omntu omdala, kwaye abazali kufuneka bahlale benyanisekile kwinto abakholelwa ngayo kule meko.
Ukususela kwiindawo zokuhlala kunye nokutya ukukhetha ukhetho, abantu abaselula bayakufanelwa ithuba lokuzijonga bona - ngelixa abazali kufuneka babe nemida yabo kunye nemida.