"Ukunyuka akuthandi nto kumama .Umntwana ngumntwana, bafumana abantu abadala, bekhulile, kodwa bakhulile. - Kusuka Kuthandwa, nguToni Morrison
Ubudlelwane bamama-mkhwenkwe banokufumana yonke inkcaso, kunye namahlaya, kodwa impi-mantombazana-ntombi iyinto eqhelekileyo. Ngamaxesha amaninzi ingcambu yongquzulwano ngumama onentliziyo engazi ukuba intombi "ikhule." Xa umama ehluleka ukuvuma ukuba intombi yakhe ikhulile, intsapho yenyuka ingenzeka.
Ukunyuka kweentsapho ezingalungiswanga kungakhokelela ekubeni oogogo nomkhulu bahlala kunye nabazukulwana babo, xa abantwana bezalwa. Ukuphepheka ingxabano kudla ukuhlala kulunge ngakumbi kunokulungisa. Ukuqonda ezinye zezizathu eziqhelekileyo zengxabano yinyathelo lokuqala.
Ukuhamba Kwiindlela Ezihlukeneyo
Ingxaki: Intombi endala ihambela ekuzimele; Ngako oko intshukumo eyintloko iphambene nomama. Ngamanye amaxesha umama ufumana oku njengelahleko kwaye wenza imizamo yokubuyisela intombi yakhe. Xa uzama ukugcina uxhamlwano lwenkosazana luphila, unina unokubuza imibuzo leyo intombazana ebona njengento engathandabuzekiyo, okanye inike iingcebiso, intombi iguqulela njengophazamisayo. UDeborah Tannen, umbhali weencwadi ezininzi kwiintsholongwane zentsapho, ubhala esithi, "Ukunyuka kwengcinezelo engaphezulu komama kunye neentombi zengqondo ezingathandekiyo, intombi-ntombi inxulumene nobungozi obukhulu."
Isixazululo: Xa kunokwenzeka, oomama bafanele bathethe ukuzithemba kwintetho yabo yentombi.
Le yinyathelo elinzima kubamama ngezizathu ezininzi. Okokuqala, kunzima ukuyeka ukukholelwa ukuba umama uyazi kakuhle. Enyanisweni, oomama abathembekileyo nabo baya kuvuma ukuba baye baphosakela kwiimeko ezininzi. Okwesibini, uninzi unina lugxininisa, kwaye kunzima ukuba baxhathise imvakalelo yokuvakala i-alamu malunga nezinye izinto ezinzima abacinga ukuba zenzeke.
Enyanisweni, akukho ndlela yokuba oomama nabani na omnye baxhamle amalungu omndeni kwintlekele. Ubomi luzama ukwenza ingozi. Nangona umntu engazange akwazi ukuvumela ingozi engenakukhathazeka, oomama abahlala besilumkisa ngengozi ezayo baya kuphutha. Kwakhona akunakuzonwabisa kakhulu ukuba kubekho.
Ngaphandle
Ingxaki: Ubuhlobo besifazana buhlala buxhomekeka kakhulu kwiintetho, ukuhlukelelana nolwalamano lwesilisa, oluqhelekileyo luquka ukubanxibelelana okungabonakaliyo ngamazwi kwaye kaninzi lubaliswa kwimisebenzi eyabelwanayo. Ubudlelwane obusekelwe ngokusisiseko kwiintetho zihamba ezinzima ngokukhawuleza okanye kamva; kungumntu ukuthetha into engafanelekanga. "Abafazi bathanda ukuthetha ngakumbi baze bathethe ngezihloko zabantu, ngoko oku kusinika ithuba lokuthetha into engalunganga," kusho uTannen.
Isixazululo: Abanye bacetyisa ukuba oomama neentombi kufuneka bathathe iphepha kwincwadi yamadoda baze bagxininise ukwenza izinto kunye. Isazi sengqondo kunye nombhali uDorothy Firman uyavuma ukuba imisebenzi yokwabelana inokuthi "idibanise iimeko ezithile." Ngakolunye uhlangothi, uFirman ukhankanya ukuba imisebenzi ayisoloko iqinisa ubudlelwane ngendlela efanelekileyo incoko. "Kodwa incoko ifuna ukuhlonipha, ukunyamekela, ngokusekelwe eluthandweni nasekunyamekeleni, kwaye abantu babini kufuneka bafumane ukuba bangayithatha ingxoxo kwindawo yokuphilisa," kusho uFirman.
"Ngokusoloko sinamathele ekuboniseni kuphela icala lethu kwibali." Ukuba iingxoxo ziphela ekubuhlungu okanye kumsindo, ucebisa ukuba abuyele kwimisebenzi eyabelwanayo okanye ukudayela incoko.
Ukunqoba umgama
Ingxaki: Xa oomama neentombi behlukaniswa umgama, kukho iimeko ezahlukeneyo zeengxaki. Abasetyhini banxibelelana ngokufanelekileyo ubuso nobuso, njengoko bathambekele ekubeni babe nezakhono ekukhethweni kwetoni, ulwimi lomzimba kunye nezinye izinto. Xa kufuneka baqhagamshelane ngefowuni, i-imeyile, itekisi kunye nezinye iindlela, bafumana ukungaqondakali okungakumbi kunye nokulahlekelwa ngokubanzi kokusondelana.
Isixazululo: Kungase kubekho indlela epheleleyo yokuba oomama neentombi bazihlukanise ngokukhawuleza ukuba bakhulume, kodwa ezinye izinto zikhetele kunabanye.
Ubuso be-Facetime kunye ne-Skype vumela abasebenzisi ukuba bagcine ubonakaliso buso, ulwimi lomzimba kunye nekhwalithi yezwi. Ingaba basebenzisa ifowuni okanye umsebenzi wengxoxo yevidiyo, oomama abanobuchule bayaphumelela ngengqondo ngaphambi kokuqalisa. Ziziphi ezinye iindawo ezikhuselekileyo zentetho, kwaye ziziphi izihloko ezifanele zigwenywe?
Unxibelelwano olubhaliweyo lunamathuba athile ngaphezu kwentetho, njengoko umyalezo womntu unokuqulunqwa ngokucophelela. U-Tannen weluleka isilumkiso nge-imeyile: "Awukwazi ukuba uya kuhla njani, kwaye unokuba ugxobhoze umntu ngendlela engafanelekanga, uze uyihlambe ngokujulile." Ukongeza, ii-imeyile zingagcinwa kwaye zikhutshwe. Ukuthumela imiyalezo yindlela ebalulekileyo yokunxibelelana kwabasetyhini abaninzi abaselula, kodwa ayisebenzi kakuhle imiyalezo emide. Uphelela "ukuhamba kwexesha lokuthengisa," ngokubhekiselele kuTannen, ocebisa ukuthumela ezininzi iifoto njengendlela yokukhawuleza yokudibanisa. Imidiya yoluntu njenge-Facebook inokuba yindlela enhle yokuhlala ixhunyiwe, nangona i-Facebook inesimo sayo seengozi.
UMama njengeNtloko yezonxibelelwano
Ingxaki: Kwiintsapho ezininzi, unina ngumzila oyintloko wokusazisa ulwazi kumalungu entsapho. UTannen ubiza umama oyiNtloko yezonxibelelwano. Le ntsikelelo edibeneyo, njengoko ithetha ukuba unina unokuthi utyholwa ngaluphi na ulwazi olungamanga okanye ukungaqondi. Ukongezelela, kufuneka enze izigqibo ezininzi ezibalulekileyo malunga nokuba ngubani ochazwe oko, kwakhona indawo evelele yokuxabana kweentsapho.
Isixazululo: Ukuba kunokwenzeka, oomama kufuneka bafumane amanye amalungu entsapho ukuba bathethe ngokuthe ngqo ngaphandle kokuhamba naye. Oomama bangathi into enje, "Kutheni ungabizi udade wakho ngokwakho? Ndicinga ukuba uhlala ekhaya ngoku." Amalungu entsapho angathandi ukuthetha ngeefowuni angasebenzisa ukuthumela imiyalezo, i-imeyile, iileta, okanye imilayezo ye-Facebook.
Abanye oomama banqabe ukunikela indima yeNtloko yoQhagamshelwano kuba banandipha, bengazi kakuhle okanye bengazi kakuhle, umxholo wokubaluleka owenzayo. "Abaninzi abasetyhini banomuva wokuba sisondeleyo kwiCrail engcwele yobudlelwano kunye nokwazi ulwazi oluthile luphawu lokusondelana," kusho uTannen. "Ukunikezela ngeso sikhundla kunokuziva ukuxhatshazwa, njengokushiywa ngaphandle (ukukhanyela okukhulu kunokwenzeka kwabasetyhini)." Kubalulekile ukuba abantu abanjalo baqonde ukuba intsapho esebenzayo ifumana iindlela zokugcina onke amalungu entsapho abandakanyekayo. Ukuba unina kuphela umbutho odibanisa intsapho, kwenzeka ntoni xa efa? Ingaba isebe lentsapho lizahlukana?
Ubungozi boBunye ubudlelwane
Ingxaki: Inzondo iyimvakalelo yabantu bonke. Umama akanako ukuba nomona ngentsapho yentombi yakhe kodwa angamkhathaza ubudlelwane bakhe nentombi kunye noninazala, unina, unina okanye nabanye abafazi abadala. Ulwalamano olunjalo lunokuthi lugqithise ukuba lunobungozi kumtshato wentombazana.
Isixazululo: Ukuqonda ingxaki isinyathelo sokuqala, kodwa ngelanga umntu akakwazi ukukhupha umona ngesenzo esilula sokuthanda. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, lunceda ukuhlalutya imeko, uvume iimvakalelo zeshwele kwaye usebenzise ingqiqo kwimeko. Ngokomzekelo, umama oye wafunda ukuba umama wesibini ufumene isipho angazikhumbuza ngezipho azifumene ngaphambili kwaye uyavuma ukuba abanye abantu bafanelwe ukufumana ukuphela kokufumana.