Ukubonisa imfesane ngomhlobo oye waphumula
Ngokuqinisekileyo isimo esinzima ukuba ungene ukuba ukhulelwe kwaye unomhlobo oye waphulelwa kwesisu okanye ubeletha . Ngakolunye uhlangothi, unokuziva uhlungu ngenxa yomhlobo wakho kwaye ufuna ukuxhasa, kodwa ngakolunye uhlangothi, ufuna ukuba abe khona nawe ukuba wabelane ngenye yezona zihlandlo ezimnandi kunye nezimangalisayo zobomi bakho. Kuqhelekile ukudideka malunga nendlela yokusingatha imeko.
Yiba novelwano
Nangona ungekho namava akho ekulahlekeni kokukhulelwa, ukuba ukhulelwe, mhlawumbi unokucinga ukuba umhlobo wakho uvakalelwa njani. Mhlawumbi ucinga kakhulu malunga nosana ophetheyo. Unokuba namagama athathwe, imibono yento umntwana wakho eyobukeka ngayo, iintsuku zomsana ngokumamatheka komntwana wakho omtsha kunye neengcamango ezinxulumene nobomi obuphambi kwakho.
Kwaye ukuba yonke loo nto yayiphume ngokukhawuleza, uya kutshabalalisa. Kufuneka ufumane indlela yokubuyela ebomini bakho obuqhelekileyo phambi kokuba unelindelekile kwixa elizayo, kwaye nangona ungazama kwakhona, mhlawumbi kufuneka ube nexesha lokutshintshela ukuguqulwa kwenyaniso. Kwakungeke kube yinto oya kuba nako ukukhawuleza. Qonda ukuba umhlobo wakho mhlawumbi akayi kukhawuleza.
Oko Umhlobo Wakho Unokuvakalelwa
Ukulahleka kokukhulelwa kuthatha isisombululo esifanelekileyo sokusasazeka.
Abasetyhini banokungena kwiimvakalelo zomsindo kunye nokudandatheka ngaphambi kokuba bakwazi ukuvuma oko kwenzeka. Ingxenye yaloo nto inokubandakanya ukuba nexesha elinzima lokwakhiwa kwezikhumbuzo zokukhulelwa, njengabesifazane abakhulelweyo okanye iintsana ezisandul 'ukuzalwa-nokuba ngaba bathandekayo.
Ukuba umhlobo wakho uyaphendula ngale ndlela, yazi ukuba akunjalo ukuba akayivuyo kuwe.
Mhlawumbi uyavuya kakhulu kuwe. Kodwa unokumkhumbuza oko akulahlekileyo kwaye ulahleka kakhulu. Ingadinga umgama othile ixesha elithile ngaphambi kokuba alungele ukujamelana nesikhumbuzo. Kwabesifazana abathile abaye balala, kuba phambi kwabasetyhini abakhulelweyo banokuziva bexhala-kungakhathaliseki ukuba bavakalelwa njani loo mntu. Qaphela ukuba abanye abesifazana abaye baphazamiseka bangaba nokuhlaselwa ingxaki yokuxinzelela emva kokuphazamiseka kwengqondo (PTSD) malunga nokuphuphuma kwesisu, kwaye kuyaqhelekile ukuba abantu abanePTSD bazame ukukhusela izikhumbuzo zesiganeko.
Ngakolunye uhlangothi, abanye abesifazana abasenokungafuneki lo mda umgama kwaye banokuvakalelwa xa abantu becinga ukuba bayakwenza. Baya kuchaza ukucinga okunjalo njengoko abantu bawaphepha. Ukuba ucinga ukuba umema umhlobo wakho kwisondlo somntwana, umzekelo, kungcono ukuhambela nokummema aze amxelele ukuba kulungile nawe ukuba uyayeka, kunokuba acinge ukuba akafuni ukuya khona.
Musa Ukwesaba Ukubuza
Xa usebenza nomhlobo wakho, akufanele uzive ngathi ufuna ukuba ngumfundi weengqondo. Ukuba awukwazi ukuba umhlobo wakho uvakalelwa okanye yintoni ayithandayo, mbuze. Nika iingxolo zakho kwilahleko uze umbuze ukuba ufuna ukuba uhambe ixesha elide ngenxa yokukhulelwa.
Ukuba uthe u-ewe, qhubeka udibanisa rhoqo ngefowuni okanye kwi-imeyli de ukuziva ulungele ukujongana nale meko. Yaye ungayithathi loo nto xa umhlobo wakho efuna indawo-khumbula ukuba uyavuya kakhulu kuwe kodwa ufuna nje ukude ukukhumbuza oko akulahlekileyo.
Ukuba umhlobo wakho uthi akayidingi loo mda, kunjalo kakhulu. Abanye besetyhini banokufumana ukuthuthuzela ekubeni ngabafazi abasetyhini, beva ukuba bayisikhumbuzo sokuba izinto ziyakwazi ukusebenza ekupheleni. Kukho nawuphi na umzekelo, kungcono ukuba nonke nibe nencoko malunga nale ngxaki kunokuba nibambe kwaye nizame ukuqagela.
Ukuba uyazibuza ukuba ungathini okanye ungakhathazeki malunga noko ungathethi kumntu emva kokuphuma kwesisu, cela nje. Zama ukuphepha izicwangciso kwaye uzame ukuphulaphula ngaphezu kokuthetha. Ngamanye amaxesha ukuthula kunye kunye nenkxaso engcono umhlobo onokuyenza.
Hlalani kufuphi
Ukuba umhlobo wakho ufuna umgama, makhe abe naloo ndawo-kwithuba elithile. Ukuba ixesha lidlula okanye ukuba libonakala likugxotha ixesha elide, thabatha umzuzwana ukubuyela emva kwaye ucinge malunga nokuba kwenzekani naye. Kungaba nzima "ukungena kwakhona" kwintlalo emva kokuphuma, kwaye umhlobo wakho unokufumana ubunzima bokuphinda abuyele ubuhlobo bakho ukuba ixesha elithile lidlule. Unokwesaba ukuba uhlala kwindawo ezahlukeneyo ebomini njengokuba usana olutsha kwaye engenabantwana, ukuze ungabi nentshisekelo kubuhlobo bakho.
Ukwesaba okunje kunokukwenza abantu benze ngendlela ehlekisayo. Umhlobo wakho unokuba nexhala lokuba awusayi kuba nomdla kubusane bakho (nangona ungamnikanga naluphi na umqondiso ukuba kunjalo) ukuba uya kuchitha ubuhlobo bakho kumzamo wokuzikhusela. (Kwimizamo yakhe yokuzikhusela kwesinye ilahleko (ubuhlobo bakho ngaphezu komntwana wakhe) unokwenjenjalo ukunqanda into ayifunayo ukuze asuse ukuxhalaba nokungaqiniseki ukuba oko kwenzeka.) Yiba nomonde kuye. Ukuba ummema, ungabuza kwakhona, kwaye kwakhona, kwakhona. Musa ukumtyhola ukuba athi, ewe, kodwa ungadluli.
Ubuhlobo banokuhlala bechukumisa iikhosi ezahlukeneyo ezithathayo ubomi bethu, kodwa njengabo bonke ubudlelwane, ubudlelwane obuhle bathatha umsebenzi. Ngombulelo, imivuzo yaloo msebenzi ayixabisekanga.
Xa U tyelela
Ukuba wena kunye nomhlobo wakho unesiganeko sohlobo lwabahlobo, ubuhlungu bakhe buya kuphinda buqiniswe njengoko izipho zakho zokuhlamba kunye nezipho zomntwana zikhonza njengezikhumbuzo rhoqo. Cinga ukuzisa (kunye nokumema abanye abahlobo kwisangqa sakho ukuzisa) isipho somhlobo wakho oye wafumana ukulahleka kokukhulelwa . Isipho esilula sinokuba yindlela elula yokuthetha ukuba awuzange umlibale nje kuphela, kodwa awuzange uyilibale umntwana ophetheyo.
Imithombo:
Krosch, D., noJ. Shakespeare-Finch. Usizi, Uxinezeleko olubuhlungu, kunye noPhuhliso lwe-posttraumatic kwabesetyhini abaye bafumana ukulahleka kokukhulelwa. Iingqondo zengqondo . 2016 Septemba 8. (Epub ngaphambi kokuprinta).