Kukho intetho eninzi malunga neengozi zabantwana abaxhamlayo kwiminyaka embalwa edlulileyo, kodwa kukho izilumkiso ezimbalwa malunga neengozi zokumemeza. Uphando olutshanje, nangona kunjalo, luchaza ukuba ukukrazula kubantwana kunokuba kungonakalisa nje ukutyhawula .
Uphando malunga nokuYela
Uphando olupapashwe kwiNgxelo zeNtuthuko yabantwana ukukhawula kunye nokuziphatha kakubi kumlomo kunemiphumo emibi kubantwana.
Abaphandi bafumanisa ukuba ukukrazula kwandisa iingxaki zokuziphatha kunye neempawu ezixinzeleleyo kwiintsholongwane.
Xa abazali bekhala, bahlala benjenjalo kuba balahlekelwe ngumsindo. Ngenxa yoko, banako ukwenza amanqaku angcikivo okanye ukubiza amagama abo omntwana. Oku kungathatha umlinganiselo omkhulu kwi-self-image yomntwana. Ucwaningo lweminyaka emibili luphelile ukuba imiphumo yesiyalo esichukumisayo isicatshangelwa nemiphumo emibi yesohlwayo.
Njengoko abantwana bafikelela kwiminyaka-yesibini ubudala-ubudala apho baqala ukuhlakulela ukwahlula kubazali babo-basenokungabikho kanobom kuqeqesho olubi. Uphononongo lufumene ukuba abantwana beli qela leminyaka abaye bahlwaywa ngokunyanisekileyo babesenokwenzeka ukuba babonise ukuziphatha okubi nobudlova.
Nangona imiphumo yokumemeza, phantse wonke umzali uyakhala ngezinye izikhathi. Uphando olupapashwe ngo-2003 kwi- Journal of Marriage and Family luye lwafumanisa ukuba abazali abangama-90% bathi bayakhwaza, bamemeza, okanye bavakalisa abantwana babo kunyaka odlulileyo.
Kwiintsapho kunye nabantwana abangaphezu kweminyaka engama-7, phantse i-100 ekhulwini yabathathi-nxaxheba bavuma ukugcoba abantwana babo.
Kutheni ukuYala akusebenzi
Akukona nje ukumemeza kwingozi kubantwana, kodwa akuyiyo isicwangciso soqeqesho esisebenzayo. Nazi ezinye zezizathu zokuba ufuna ukucinga kabini ngaphambi kokuphakamisa ilizwi lakho:
- Ukumemeza kwenza iingxaki zokuziphatha zibi nakakhulu. Ukumema kudala umjikelezo wokuqhubela phambili - abaninzi abazali bayakhala, abantwana ababi kakhulu baziphathe ngayo, okubangela ukuba bakhuphe ngakumbi. Ukuphula le mjikelo, kubalulekile ukuzibophezela ekusebenziseni ezinye iindlela zokuziphatha ezingabandakanyi ukukrazula.
- Abantwana banokuxhatshazwa kwivolumu. Ngethuba lokuqala ukukhwaza umntwana, mhlawumbi uya kuthatha ingqalelo. Kodwa, xa ukhe wuleza, asebenze kangangoko ukuba kunjalo. Xa abantwana behlala emizini apho bakhala khona rhoqo, bajwayele.
- Ukunyusa kuyandisa ukhathazeka komzali. Ukuba usuziva udidekile ngokuziphatha komntwana wakho, ukumemeza kuya kwandisa izinga lakho lokuvusa. Ukuphakamisa ilizwi lakho kunokukhawuleza ukuguquka ngokukrakra komsindo. Kananjalo kwandisa amathuba okuba uzakuthi ukuhlambalaza okanye usebenzise ukugxekwa ngokugqithiseleyo.
- Abantwana bafunda ukuba ukukrazula kuyindlela efanelekileyo yokuxabana. Xa ukhwaza, uyabonisa indlela yokujongana nomsindo kunye nengxabano. Umntwana wakho uya kuxelisa ezo ziphatha xa ejongana noontanga kunye nabantakwabo.
- Ukumema akubandakanyi ukufundisa. Ukumema umntwana ukuba, "Yeka ukwenza loo nto," ayibonisi ukuba enze ntoni endaweni yoko. Abantwana kufuneka bafunde izakhono zokubanceda ukulawula iimvakalelo zabo nokulawula ukuziphatha kwabo ukuze bangaphindi iimpazamo ezifanayo.
- Ukulawulwa kwelahleko kuthetha ukulahlekelwa inhlonipho. Kunzima kubantwana ukuba baqinisekise ukuthembela kunye nentlonelo kumntu obabiza ngokuba ngamagama okanye bawabizele. Ngamanye amaxesha abantwana bacinga ukuba, "Ukuba awukwazi ukuzilawula, uza kundithintela njani?" Ngenxa yoko, bancitshisiwe ukuba bafune ukukholisa kwaye banconywa ukuba baxabise uluvo lwakho.
- Ukumema akusebenzi. Ekugqibeleni, ukukhala akusebenzi. Ukuba ngaba kunjalo, abazali abayi kuyenza loo nto. Nangona kunjalo, uninzi lwabazali bafumanisa ukuba bayamemeza ngokuphindaphindiweyo, endaweni engaphantsi. Eminye imiphumo, njengokuthatha amalungelo , inokusebenza ngakumbi ekulawuleni ukuziphatha komntwana.
Uninzi lwabazali abafuni ukukhenkcelela abantwana babo, nangona kunjalo, benza njalo ngenxa yokukhungatheka. Xa abantwana bengaliphulaphuli okanye xa bephula imithetho, ufuna isicwangciso sokuba uza kuqeqesho njani ngaphandle kokumemeza .