Indlela Yokuphendula Ngesihe
Umbuzo: Ukuphuma kwam kwaye ndahlula malunga neminyaka emine edlulileyo. Ngelo xesha, abantwana bethu babe-2, 4, no-9. Ngoku ukuba wethu omdala ngumntwana oselula, uhlala ekhononda ukuba ufuna ukuhamba noyise. Uthi ukhathele ukunyamekela abazalwana bakhe kwaye ufuna ukwazi ukuba kuya kuba njani ukumbona uyise rhoqo imihla ngemihla ngeveki. Ndicinga ukuba ngokufihla ufuna ukuqala ngokutsha kwisikolo esitsha.
Ndiba novelwano, kodwa andicinga ukuba umdala wam ulungele ukuba ngumzali wesikhathi esigcwele. Uhamba ngeeninzi, kwaye akaqinisekanga njengoko ndithetha ngezinto ezifana nomsebenzi wesikolo, amaxesha okulala, kunye neendlela eziqhelekileyo. Ndiyazi ukuba uyabathanda abafana, kwaye mna ndihlala nabo bechitha ixesha kunye. Kodwa ndiyakholwa ngokwenene ukuba abantwana bahle kakhulu ukuba baphile kunye nam. Kwakhona, enye into endikukhathazayo kukuba ukuba ndivumela ukuba umntu wethu omdala ahlale noyise, ezinye ezimbini ziya kulandela. Ngaba ndizingca?
A: Kuvakala ngathi ufuna ukulungelelaniswa nezingane zakho, kwaye oko kungabi nongcungcuthe! Nangona kunjalo, kubalulekile ukuphendula isicelo senyana yakho ngovelwano kwaye uxubushe ngokucacileyo nangothando malunga nomcimbi:
- Cinga ukuba uvelaphi unyana wakho. Ngokusekelwe kwinto oyithethileyo, kuyavakala ngathi uyayiphosa ngokwenene ubukho bobawo bemihla ngemihla kwaye ufuna ukwazi ukuba ubomi bakhe buya kuba njani ukuba wayehlala kunye noyise emva kokuhlukana (okanye nokuba umtshato wawungakaze kwenzeke). Le ngqiqo yenzalo yendalo. Kuzwakala ngathi unokujongana nemiba esikolweni ekwaziyo ukwenza ukucinga kwakhe ngokuhlala noyise ngakumbi.
Khumbula kwakhona ukuba mhlawumbi kwakungekho lula ukuba unyana wakho akwazi ukuvakalisa iimvakalelo zakhe kuwe ngokuzwakalayo. Nangona wayifaka isicelo ngesibindi, mhlawumbi wayeseengqondweni yakhe ixesha elithile. Ngoko phambi kokuba uphendule ngokukhuseleka (okuya kuba yindalo engokwemvelo), thatha ixesha lokuqwalasela apho uvela khona unyana wakho. Ngokomzekelo, ulahlekelwe nguyise ngaphezu kokuba ufumene? Okanye ngaba kukho into eqhubekayo esikolweni okufuneka uyiqwalasele ngokuthe ngqo? (Ngokomzekelo, ngaba uyaxhatshazwa?) Ukuqonda okungcono ingcambu yesicelo sakhe kuya kukunceda ukujongana nayiphi na imiba ejulile ngexesha elifanayo.
- Yiba nolwazi nemithetho kwilizwe lakho. Ngo-13, umntwana wakho unokuthi abe nomthetho kwisigqibo esithintekayo esithintela kuye. Ngoko thabatha ixesha lokufunda kwimithetho yokugcinwa kwabantwana kwimeko yakho ukuze ulungele ukuba umzekelo wakho ucela utshintsho lomntwana wakho egameni lakho.
- Thetha kunye nowekude. Unokulingwa ukuba ugcine umnqweno wonyana wakho uhlala kunye noyise imfihlelo, kodwa kubalulekile ukuthetha malunga nomcimbi kunye ngqo nawe ukuze usebenze kunye ukuze uhlangabezane neemfuno zakhe. Bhengeza iinkxalabo zakho malunga nokwahlula abafana kwaye uxoxe ngeendlela zokujongana nengcambu yesicelo somntwana wakho - ufuna ixesha elingakumbi kunye nobaba - ngaphandle kokuguqula umyalelo wokugcina umntwana. Ngokomzekelo, ingaba yakho ingasebenzisa ixesha elingakumbi kunye nonyana wakho? Ngaba ngamnye umfana uya kuzuza kwixesha elifutshane kunye nobaba? Xoxa ngeendlela ezisebenzayo zokuguqula ilungiselelo lokugcinwa kwabantwana kunye nokuvakatyelela ukulungisa iimvakalelo zendodana yakho ngelixa uqhubeka ulungelelaniso oluyimfuneko.
- Zibuze into ongayenza ukuze uncede unyana wakho. Ingaba ulahlekelwe nguyise, ujongene nemiba eqondileyo esikolweni - okanye zombini - unyana wakho ufuna ukuxhaswa kunye nothando okwangoku. Njengoko kunzima ukubeka uxolo kunye nentukuthelo yakho, khumbula ukuba oku akusiyo kuwe. Ngokuphathelele unyana wakho ofuna ukuzithetha ngokuzeleyo kwaye uyazi ukuba uyamthanda ngokungathandabuzekiyo nangona iimbono zakhe zifani neyakho.
- Zenza ukuphulaphula ngokukhawuleza. Yenza unyana wakho azi ukuba uyamva. Yithi, "Into endikuvayo ithi ..." kwaye umbulele ngokuba uvule kakhulu kuwe!
Ekugqibeleni, khumbula ukuba ezi ngxoxo ziveza amathuba okukhula kokubili. Endaweni yokumelana naloo thuba, yamkele! Zibophezele ukuba ungathethi ngokuvakalayo yonke ingcamango edlula entloko yakho, kwaye uphulaphule ngokwenene into yokuba unyana wakho uthetha. Vumela ezi ngxoxo zikusondeza njengoko ufuna ngokwenene ukuqonda ingcamango yakhe. Leyo yinjongo yangempela, kwaye ingaba ibaluleke ngaphezu kokubambelela kwindawo yakho njengomzali wokulondoloza!
Okunye: Indlela yokuphendula xa umntwana wakho efuna ukuhlala nomnye umzali