Ehlabathini eligqibeleleyo, abazali abaqhawule umtshato baya kuba nako ukuncedisana nomzali. Imithetho iya kuhlala ihambelana. Iziphumo ziza kuthwala ukusuka kwelinye ikhaya ukuya kwelinye. Yaye bobabini abazali baya kusebenza kunye ukukhusela iingxaki zokuziphatha ngaphambi kokuba baqale .
Kodwa ke, abaninzi abantu baqhawula umtshato ngenxa yokuba bengaboni iso. Kwaye ukwahlukana kwimizila yabazali ngumthombo oqhelekileyo wokungavumelani. Kodwa, nangona ungavumelani nayo yonke imicimbi yomzali nomlingane wakho wangaphambili, usenokuthatha amanyathelo okufundisa umntwana wakho izakhono azifunayo ukulawula ukuziphatha kwakhe.
Ngelishwa, abazali abaninzi baye balahlekelwa indlela yokuqeqesha umntwana xa beqhawula umtshato. Kwaye kaninzi, abazali abanenjongo enokuzenza benze ezi mpazamo ezifanayo:
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Ukunyanzela ukuba ngumzali ozithandayoEmva kokuhlukana okanye ukwahlukanisa, kunokunyanzela ukuba ufuna ukuba ngumntu olungileyo. Ngoko xa umntwana wakho athi, "Kodwa umama undivumela ukuba ndidle ubusika ubusuku bonke," okanye "Ubawo akangenzi ukuba ndifunde amagama esipelisi!" Unokucinga ukuguqa imithetho yakho.
Kodwa ukwenza oko kukubeka kuphela ukusilela. Umntwana wakho unokuba yinto enhle kwi-indlu okanye unokuzama ukukugxotha komnye umzali.
Into yokugqibela ofuna ukuyenza kukuba ungene kumncintiswano malunga nomntu onendlu engcono. Umntwana wakho uya kuvota ngenxa yokuba ngubani onomlinganiselo omncinane wemithetho okanye owenyayo. Kwaye ezo zinto azikho emdlalweni womntwana wakho.
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Ukungathembeki Ngokuziphatha komntwanaNgamanye amaxesha, umzali uya kuqhubeka athi, "Uhlala esenza kakuhle endlwini yam. Andiyazi ukuba kutheni usebenza endlwini yakho. "Kodwa ukugxininisa umntwana wakho ingelosi epheleleyo xa ephantsi kwakho ayiyi kwenza nabani na izinto.
Musa ukudibanisa nomntwana wakho kumzame ukupenda kumkhanya obalaseleyo, nokuba njalo. Ngamanye amaxesha abazali baya kuthi, "Asiyi kumxelela uMama ukuba unenkathazo esikolweni, kulungile?" Ukuvumelanisa ukugcina iimfihlelo malunga nokuziphatha kwakhe kuthumela umyalezo ongeyingozi.
Xoxa ngokuvulekileyo ngempendulo yakho malunga nokuziphatha ozibonayo kunye namanyathelo owathathayo ukujongana nayo. Nangona imigaqo kunye nemiphumo akufuneki ukuba yinto efanayo kwimimzi yomibini, ukuthetha ngokukhululekile kungaba yinyathelo lokuqala lokulungisa ingxaki.
Kufuneka ukwazi ukuba kuqhutyelwa phi ukuziphatha kunye nokuba yintoni imeko eyenzekayo ukuze ukwazi ukuyiqwalasela ngempumelelo. Ngoko uthetha kwaye uthembeke malunga nento eyenzekayo ukwenzela ukuba unokwazi ukuba ngaba ukuziphatha kuyisiganeko esisodwa okanye ingxaki eqhubekayo.
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Ukuthetha Ngokungafanelekileyo Ngomnye Uqeqesho LomzaliXa umntwana wakho echaza izinto ezinjalo, "Mama ndivumele ukubukela amabini ama-movie anqatshelwe ngeR-week", unokuziva unyanzelekile ukuba uzalise kuzo zonke ezinye izinto ezikhethwa ngumama wakhe. Kodwa ukuthetha kakubi malunga nokukhetha komnye umzali kuya kulimaza ubuhlobo bakho nomntwana wakho ngexesha elide.
Ngenxa yokuba ungamthandi omnye umzali akuthethi ukuba umntwana wakho akafanele. Ngoko nangona xa ungavumelani nendlela abazali bakho bokuqala abalingani bakho, ukubonakalisa ukungabi nomsindo kumntwana wakho akufanelekanga.
Mkhumbuze nje umntwana wakho, "Hayi endlwini yam, abantwana ababukeli iifrimu ezilinganiswe ngu-R," okanye " Imithetho yam ekhaya iyahluke kunemithetho kamama."
Ukuba umntwana wakho wenza inani elincinci lamabango atshabalayo malunga noko avunyelwe ukukwenza kwelinye ikhaya, unokuthi, "Ndiza kuthetha noyihlo malunga naloo nto." Oku kungaba impendulo engcono xa umntwana wakho ezama ukufumana impendulo ngaphandle kwakho.
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Ukuziva Uxolo Ngomntwana WakhoNgamanye amaxesha, abazali baqala ukucinga ngomntwana njengexhoba lomtshato. Ngenxa yoko, bayakhula ngokunyamekela ngokuqeqeshwa kwabo.
Ukuthetha izinto ezinje, "Hayi uye wahamba kakhulu. Andifuni ukuthatha imidlalo yakhe yevidiyo, "okanye" Uhlala engalunganga ngenxa yokuba utyhafile ngumtshato. Andifuni ukumjezisa ngakumbi, "akusiyo ingcamango enhle.
Ukufundisa umntwana wakho ukuba 'ngumkhiqizo wokuqhawula umtshato' kuya kumnika ingqondo yexhoba . Qaphela ukuba unokujongana nemvakalelo edibeneyo kunye nokuqinisekisa iimvakalelo zakhe. Xoxa ngobunzima obunokuba nayo, kodwa mfundise ukuba amaxesha amaninzi akufanele abe sizathu sokuziphatha okubi.
Ukulungisa indlela yokuziphatha komntwana wakho , kodwa kungekhona iimvakalelo. Mxelele ukuba kukulungele ukuhlambalaza, ukwesaba, okanye ukubuhlungu. Mnike ixesha lokulila kwaye umncede afunde indlela yokujamelana neemvakalelo zakhe ezingenakukhathazeka ngendlela enhle.
Ukuba unzima ukulungelelanisa, unokufuna uncedo lobuchwepheshe. Ukuba ubona utshintsho oluthile lokuziphatha okanye ukutshintsha kwemizwelo ehlala ngaphezu kweeveki ezimbalwa, khuluma nomntwana wengane yakho.
Kodwa khumbula ukuba umtshato awunakonakalisi abantwana. Ukuba unalo ubudlelwane obukhulu, ukuqhawula umtshato kuya kuba lukhululo. Ngamanye amaxesha, ukuziphatha komntwana kuya kuphucula emva kokuhlukana.
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Imithetho engahambelaniyo kunye neziphumoIzingane zidinga ukwazi ukuba usenzela imigaqo nemiphumo. Enyanisweni, ukuqeqeshwa okuqhubekayo kuya kunceda umntwana wakho azive ekhuselekile kwaye ekhuselekile njengoko elungisa izimo ezinzima .
Kodwa, ukugcina izinto ezihambelanayo kuya kuba nzima emva kokuqhawula umtshato. Kufuneka ukhumbule, ngaba uthathele amalungelo akhe emidlalo yemidlalo imizuzu emihlanu ngaphambi kokuya kwindlu yomnye umzali? Ukuba kunjalo, ngaba ufuna ukunyanzelisa loo mphumo xa ebuya?
Kwaye ngokucacileyo, uxinzelelo loqhawulo-mtshato lunokuba lube lukhulu kuwe. Njengomzali ongabodwa, unokufumana uxanduva olongezelelweyo olwenza uhlalutyo olungaguqukiyo kunye nokunyanzelisa imiphumo ecacileyo eyinkimbinkimbi.
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Ukugxininisa isiGqeba kwiNdlu yabanye abazaliNgamanye amaxesha abazali bawuthandabulela impembelelo yabo kumntwana. Umzali ongekho phantsi unokuthi athethe izinto ezinje, "Akunakho ukuzama ukuzama ukuyiqeqesha ngasese xa ndisekhaya ngenxa yokuba uyise akasebenzi kuyo kwindlu yakhe," okanye "andinakukwenza nantoni na malunga into yokuba ufunga ngoku ngenxa yokuba unina uyamvumela ekhaya. "
Nangona ungeke ukwazi ukulawula oko kwenzekayo kwenye indlu, ungakhetha ukugxila kwindlela oqeqesha ngayo umntwana wakho xa ehlala ekhaya. Beka amandla akho ukuba ube ngumzekelo omhle kwaye ufundise umntwana wakho iimpawu zakho ngexesha lakho.
Nangona ungekho nomntwana wakho nsuku zonke, usenempembelelo enkulu kuye. Unethuba lokumfundisa izakhono ezintsha kwaye uncede afunde izinto ezintsha rhoqo xa uhlangene.
Ngoko kunokuba uchithe ixesha lokukhalaza omnye umzali akenzi ngokwaneleyo okanye umangalela omnye umzali wokunciphisa yonke inkqubela yakho, faka amandla akho ekukhuliseni umntwana ongcono kakhulu onokukwazi ngexesha lakho.
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Ukuxhaswa komnye umzaliUkuba ucinga ukuba omnye umzali unzima kakhulu, unokuba ulingwa ukuba ube mncinane. Kodwa, awukwazi 'ukukhupha' ngokugqithisela omnye umzali. Akusebenzi ngaloo ndlela.
Ingaba i-ex yakho iyimigangatho okanye ikhululekile kakhulu kufuneka ibe nempembelelo encinci kumzali wakho. Kubalulekile kumzali wakho umntanakho okusemandleni akho xa ehlala kwikhaya lakho.
Ukuzama ukuxhaswa komnye umzali kwenza izinto zidideke ngakumbi kumntwana wakho. Ukuhamba phakathi kwamakhaya apho kukho ukugqithisa ezimbini kuya kwenza izinto zibe nzima.
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Ukusebenzisa Umntwana Wakho Ukuthumela ImiyalezoUkuthi, "Tjeba uTata ukuba angavumeli umntakwenu wakho adlale kunye nepilisi yakho," okanye "Tshela uMama awukwazi ukutya iilekese ezininzi kangako kumama akho," ubeka umntwana wakho phakathi. Yaye yindawo enyantisayo yokuba umntwana abe.
Ukuba ufuna ukuthetha into ethile komnye umzali, yenza oko. Yenze ngokuthe ngqo. Ungaze ucele umntwana wakho ukuba adlulisele imilayezo emva nangaphambili.
Futhi musa ukwenza umntwana wakho uxanduva lokuxelela omnye umzali ukuba enze njani umsebenzi wakhe. Umntwana wakho kufuneka awazi umsebenzi wakhe kuba yintsana kunye nabantu abadala.
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Ukungafuni ukusebenza njengeqelaNgamanye amaxesha, abazali bayakhuthaza xa kufikelelwe ekusebenzisaneni kunye njengeqela ukujongana neengxaki. Kodwa wenqaba ukuthetha nomculi ngenxa yokuba awuzange ukhethe loo mntu, okanye ungayi kwiintlanganiso zesikolo ngenxa yokuba ucinga ukuba wakho umdala uya kukugxeka, akunakunceda.
Vula ukuba usebenze nomlingani wakho wangaphambili kunye nawaphi na ootitshala abachaphazelekayo ukujongana neengxaki zokuziphatha. Kancinane, zilungele ukuphulaphula iinkxalabo kwaye uvulekele iziphakamiso.
Nangona ungayiboni loo ngxaki yokuziphatha, okanye ucinga ukuba omnye umzali unesiphene, ukuphulaphula yindawo efanelekileyo yokuqala. Emva kokuba ubonisa ukuba uvulekile ukuva malunga nemiba, unokuqala ukusebenza ekuxazululeni ingxaki.
Ukulawula iingxaki zokuziphatha
Akunakufuneka ube ngabahlobo abakhulu kunye nomntu owayekade naye kumlingane ukuze ancede umntwana wakho asebenze ngokuqhawula umtshato. Enyanisweni, uphando oluthile lubonisa ukuba ukuba ngumhlobo olungileyo nomnye umzali kunokudideka ngakumbi kumntwana. Unokuba nzima ukuqonda ukuba kutheni ungazikwazi ukwenza ulwalamano lusebenze ukuba unako ukuhambelana kakuhle emva kokuba uhlukaniswe.
Into ebalulekileyo ukuba uyikhumbule kukuba umntwana wakho ufuna ukugcina ubudlelwane obuhle kunye nawe. Kwaye ukunika umntwana umyalelo onempilo emva kokuqhawula umtshato kuya kunceda uhlale ulwalamano oluhle.
> Imithombo:
> Beckmeyer JJ, Coleman M, Ganong LH. I-postdivorce I-Tyarentic and Child Adjustment. Ulwalamano lweentsapho i-Fam Relat . 2014; 63 (4): 526-537. i-doi: 10.1111 / i-fare.12086.
> Yarosh S, Chew YC "D, Abowd GD. Ukuxhasana nomzali-nxibelelwano lomntwana kwiintsapho ezihlukanisiweyo. I-International Journal ye-Human-Computer Studies . 2009; 67 (2): 192-203. i-doi: 10.1016 / j.ijhcs.2008.09.005.