Indlela yokuxelela ukuba unika umntwana wakho kakhulu, kungekudala, kwaye ude kakhulu
Ngaba wake wakha wazibuza ukuba unomntwana ongaphezulu? Njengabazali, sifuna ukuba khona ekuncedeni abantwana bethu kangangoko sinakho kwaye sibanike izinto esingenakuzenza njengabantwana. Sifuna ukuqinisekisa ukuba iimfuno zabo zidibene kunye nokuba sibonelela ngeemeko ezifanelekileyo zokubanceda bakhule bephilile kwaye banoliseko.
Nangona kunjalo, umzimba okhulayo wophando ubonisa ukuba xa abazali bekwenza okungakumbi - ngakumbi xa benza izinto kubantwana ukuba bafanele bafunde ukwenza ngokwabo - sinokubangela ukulimala.
Imiphumo yokuphunga abantwana ayinhle: Uphando lubonisa ukuba ukuphuza ngokweqile kukukhokelela ekuziphatheni, ukuhaha, nokungafuni ukuziphendulela ngezenzo, ukubiza nje ezimbalwa iimpawu ezingathandekiyo ezibonwa kubantwana nakubantu abadala abakhulu, kaninzi.
Esinye sezizathu zokuba sinokubona ukunyuka kokugqithisa kwezingane kukuba ngokuqhelekileyo sithetha, sithande ngakumbi kunezizukulwana zangaphambili. Ngokomzekelo, abazali abaye bakhulisa abantwana abancinci iminyaka engama-50 edlulileyo, abazange bakhule kunye nezibonelelo zabantwana bentsha namhlanje, uthi uDavid Bredehoft, Ph.D., uprofesa ovela kwiYunivesithi yaseComordia, eSt. Paul, MN. Kwaye nabazali abahlala eU.S. nakwezinye iintlanga eziphuhlisiwe zibhetele ngakumbi kunezo zihlwempuzekileyo. UDkt. Bredehoft uthi: "Siphila kwiminyaka yobuhlwempu. "Ngaphandle kweentsapho zethu ezihlwempuzekileyo zingcono kunoko, zithi, intsapho ehlala kwindawo yokuhlala e-Afrika."
Yintoni ukuphuza ngokweqile?
Ngaphambi kokuba sihlolisise ukuba okanye singayithinteli abantwana bethu, kuyakunceda ukwazi kakuhle into efanelekileyo yokuphuza ngokweqile. Kwincwadi yakhe ethi "Kuninzi Kangakanani? Ukukhulisa Abonakalayo, Abaxanduva, Abantwana Abahloniphekileyo - Ukususela Kwiintsana Kuya Kudala - Kwixesha Eliyingozi Lokunqongophala," ebhaliwe kunye noJean Illsley Clarke, PhD noConnie Dawson, PhD, uDkt Bredehoft kunye nababhali-mbhali bakhe bachonga iintlobo ezintathu zokuphuza ngokweqile: ukunika abantwana kakhulu (amathoyizi, imisebenzi, njl.); ngaphezu kokukhulisa (ukwenza into kumntwana wakho ukuba kufuneka azenzele yona); kunye nesakhiwo esithambileyo (kungabi nemithetho, kungekhona ukunyanzelisa imigaqo, okanye ukungafuneki abantwana ukuba benze imisebenzi).
Ukuphuza ngokweqile kunokuthatha ifom enye okanye ukudibanisa kwezi ntlobo.
Ezinye iinkalo ezithandekayo malunga nokuphuza ngokweqile, ngokubhaliweyo bombhali Wokuba Uninzi Kangakanani :
- Kuqhelekile namhlanje kunanini ngaphambili.
- Ivela entliziyweni entle-umzali ofuna ukwenza okulungileyo kumntwana wakhe.
- Inokulimaza abantwana ngokuzibeka ukuba zingaphumeleli kwaye zingabangela intlungu.
- Akunjalo nje ngamathoyizi amaninzi okanye amalungelo amaninzi kakhulu - ingaba nengqalelo enkulu kunye nemida embalwa kakhulu.
- Kungenzeka nakweyiphi na inqanaba lokufumana imali - akukhona nje into eyenziwa yintsapho ecebileyo.
- Iyakwazi ukuchongwa kwaye ishintshwe, kwaye nabantu abadala abadlulileyo bangakwazi ukufumana.
Ngaba Uphucula Umntwana Wakho?
UDkt. Bredehoft kunye nabalingane bakhe baqulunqe isixhobo, esibizwa ngokuba nguVavanyo lweNine, ukubanceda abazali ukuba bafumane ukuba ngaba bengabonakaliyo nomntwana wabo. Le mibuzo emine ozibuze yona:
- Ingaba ingena endleleni yophuhliso lomntwana? "Ngokomzekelo, ukuba umzali uthatha umntwana wakhe oneminyaka engama-4 ubudala ukuya esikolweni, ukuba umntwana uya kufuna ingqalelo ngaphezu kweontanga zakhe eklasini," kutsho uDkt. Bredehoft.
- Ingaba isebenzisa inani elingafaniyo lentsapho? Xa unika umntwana wakho izinto, nokuba lixesha, imali, amandla, okanye enye into, ngaba unika umntwana wakho ngakumbi kunakho okanye unokukwazi ukukwenza kwaye ukwenza oko xa ulondoloza imali encinane kwezinye iintsapho?
- Ziziphi iimfuno ozidibana nazo? Ngaba wenza oko uyenzela wena okanye kumntwana wakho?
- Ingaba ichitha okanye ibenzakalise abanye ngandlela-thile?
Indlela Ukuxhalabisa Kunokulimaza Abantwana
Abazali abanokubona iziphatho zabo zokubeletha ezichazwe kuyo nayiphi na apha ngasentla bangathanda ukujonga ngento enokuyenza ukuze bajikeleze izinto. Ngaphandle kwento yokuba ukuhlala nomntwana ogqithiseleyo kunokuba yinto engathandekiyo, ukutsho okuncinci, ingozi yokuphuza ngokweqile iquka abantwana abanenkathazo ngalezi zinto ezilandelayo: ukufunda ukulinda ukuze bathole into abayifunayo (ukulibazisa ukukhawuleza), kungeyona indawo yokuqwalasela, ukuzinyamekela, ukuthatha uxanduva, nokwazi oko kwaneleyo.
Ukuphuza ngokweqile kunokwenza abantwana bangathokozi. Ukuba umntwana uyaphula okanye alahlekelwe yinto yokudlala okanye yabafundi kunye nabazali batshintshe izinto ngokukhawuleza, loo mntwana ulahlekelwa ngethuba lokusebenza kanzima ukuze alithathele indawo kwaye azive kakuhle ngabo ngokufezekisa injongo, utsho uDkt. Bredehoft. Akunjalo kuphela, abantwana abangenakudla ngokunciphisa abakwazi ukulibazisa ukuthotywa, kwaye oko kukhokelela ekuphatheni izinto eziphathekayo kunye nokungaqiniseki.
Ukwenza Abantwana Abathokozayo: Inzululwazi Yokwakhiwa Kwezakhiwo nguJeffrey J. Froh noGiacomo Bono, abaphandi bafunda abafundi abangaphezu kwe-1 000 abaphakamileyo abaphakathi kweminyaka eyi-14 ukuya kwe-19 baza bafumanisa ukuba abakhwenkwezi bezinto eziphathekayo babecinga ukuba izinto eziphathekayo zibaluleke kakhulu kwintlalo yabo, babe namabanga aphantsi, babe nomona ngabanye, kwaye banelisekanga ngobomi babo. Iintsholongwane ezazigxile ekubuleleni kwaye kungekhona kwizinto eziphathekayo, ngakwelinye icala, zazinamabanga aphezulu, zazingabi nomona ngabanye, zazikhuthaza kakhulu abanye, kwaye zavuya ngakumbi.
Ukuphuza ngokweqile kunokuchaphazela neenjongo zezingane ebomini. Ngokutsho kukaDkt. Bredhehoft, uphando lwakhe lubonisile ukuba abantwana abagqithiseleyo banqwenela kakhulu ukufezekisa iinjongo zokuphila ezifana nemali, udumo, kunye nomfanekiso-imluenza run amok. Iinjongo abazifunayo kumncinci zazibandakanya izinto ezifana nokuba nolwalamano olunentsingiselo nomntu, ukufumana ukukhula komntu, kunye negalelo kuluntu okanye kuluntu.
Indlela Yokulinda (okanye Yeka) Ukuphuza ngokweqile
Ngoko ke ngabazali bangenzani ukuba baqaphele ukungabikho kokugqithisa okanye bayeke ukwenza okungakumbi kumntwana wabo? Nazi ezinye iziphakamiso ezivela kuDkt. Bredehoft:
Kubukhulu Kangakanani? , abalobi babonisa indlela ebonakalayo ebonakalayo yokubonakalisa indlela yokubeletha abayibiza ngokuthi "Ukuphucula umgwaqo omkhulu." "Indlela ephakamileyo" yindlela yokunyamekela umntwana kulezi zigaba zintandathu: ukunyamekela, ukunyamekela, ukunyamekela, ukunyamekela, ukunyaniseka nokunyaniseka. Ezi zimbini iintlobo zokunyamekela ezifanelekileyo zixhasa kwaye zixhasa, kwaye zombini kwezi zibonakaliswe njengendlela emgwaqweni omkhulu. Umqathango kunye nokugqithisileyo kuboniswa njengokuba kusemagxeni, kunye nokunyamekelwa nokunyanzeliswa kweminye kwimijelo ecaleni lomgwaqo omkhulu. (Ukunyamekela kakubi kumemeza ngomntwana ngokucela umdlalo kunye nokunyaniseka kwakuya kuthenga umdlalo ngaphandle kokuba uqaphele ukuba umntwana sele sele echitha ixesha elininzi kwimidlalo yevidiyo.)
Ababhali babonisa imizekelo, njengomntwana ocela umdlalo omtsha wevidiyo, kwaye ubonise ukuba iimpendulo ezahlukileyo - esithi umntwana unokufumana umdlalo xa eyeka ukucela (umqathango) okanye ukuthenga umdlalo obiza kakhulu (ukuphuza ngokweqile) kufuneka zilungiswe ukuba zibuyele emgwaqweni omkhulu. Kulo mzekelo, ukhetho olulungileyo luya kwivenkile kwaye luvumela ukuba umntwana abe nolunobundlobongela kwaye xa umzali enquma ukuba umntwana akanakho imidlalo eminingi kakhulu kwaye unokukwazi ukuyifumana (ukuxhaswa) okanye uxelele kumntwana ukuba xa efumana lo mdlalo, akukho mdlalo yokuzalwa kwakhe okanye iKrismesi kunye nothando kodwa umbuzo-mbuzo ukucela ukuba umntwana aqiniseke ukuba oko akufunayo ngaphambi kokuba athenge (ukuxhasa).
Ezinye izicwangciso zokuzama:
- Nika abantwana imisebenzi . Ukunika abantwana imisebenzi yemihla ngemihla, njengokukhetha izinto zabo okanye ukuncedisa ukucima izitya (izinto nabantwana abancinci abakwaziyo ukuzenza) kunika abantwana inzuzo ezininzi, kuquka ukuzithemba ngokwabo nokwazisa ukuba bacinge ngabanye. Kwaye ukuba izibonelelo zibophelelwe kwimisebenzi, inokukunceda ukufundisa abantwana malunga nexabiso lemali noko kuthetha ukuthini ukusebenzela.
- Beka ulindelo lokubonga . Mngene kumkhwa wokubonga xa usenza isidlo, mthabathe kumsebenzi, okanye umnike uhlamba oluhlambulukileyo. Makhe abhale amanqaku okubulela xa efumana izipho okanye ukuba umntu wenza into enhle kuye. Xa sele engena kumsebenzi wokubonga ngemisebenzi yansuku zonke, ekugqibeleni kuya kwenziwa ngokuzenzekelayo.
- Mfundise ukuba anakekele izinto zakhe. Ukuba ulahlekelwa okanye aphule into ngenxa yokuba wayengenandaba naye, mvumele enze imisebenzi eyongezelelweyo ngeenxa zonke endlwini.
- Yenza yonke intsapho ibandakanyeke kwiiprojekthi zenkxaso okanye inkonzo. Uncedo lokwenza iisantike ecaweni, uncedise ukucoca ipaki yendawo, okanye unikeze izinto ezindala kunye nezinto ezingaphezulu kwiindawo zokukhusela iintsapho. Kukho iingcamango ezininzi ngeendlela abantwana abanokuzivolontiya kwaye umntwana wakho uya kufunda ngeemfuno zabanye (kwaye ujonge ngakumbi oko anakho) njengoko ekhula ibe ngumntu onobubele .
- Qala encinci. Emva kokuba ufumene iindidi zezinto onokuzenza umntwana wakho angabikho kokugqitha, qalisa ngokutshintsha indawo enye ngexesha. Ngokomzekelo, ukuba umntwana wakho uphelile okanye uphuhliswe ngaphezu okanye akanalo isakhiwo esaneleyo, qalisa ngokukhawuleza ukwenza utshintsho. Ngokomzekelo, ukuba uye walala ngexesha lokulala, usethe ixesha elingenakuthetha kwaye uvumele iziganeko ezikhethiweyo ezithile. Ukuba uye uthengisa umntwana wakho amathoyizi angaphezulu ukuze uhlawule ngokusebenza emva kwexesha elide kakhulu, ufike ngesicwangciso esithile sokuchitha ixesha kunye kunye nokugxila kwizinto eziphathekayo.
Xa usuqala ukwenza utshintsho ukuze uncede umntwana wakho abe ngumntu ozimeleyo, onoxanduva kwaye ugxile kwiintsapho kunye nabahlobo (kunokuba ube nezinto eziphathekayo), uya kuqala ukubona umntwana othembekileyo, onobubele , olungileyo ukwenza izihlobo , engazange aphangwe , uziqhenyce ngokwakhe, kwaye uyavuya.