Njengomnye unokucinga, akukho mpendulo ecacileyo kwaye elula kulo mbuzo omdala. Umgca wokugqibela ukuzama ukuba ngaba abantwana baya kuba bhetele ekhaya apho umama nobaba bengonwabi kunye kodwa ukugcina intsapho ingenele okanye kumakhaya amabini apho umama noba banomdla ngakumbi kodwa bengaboni.
Izingozi zokuhlala ndawonye
Uninzi lweengcali zomzali zibona enye yengozi enkulu kubantwana bokuhlala kwintsapho elayishwa ngumsindo, ukukhungatheka, kunye nentlungu kukuba bafunda izakhono ezibuhlungu zokubeletha abaza kuqhuba kwisizukulwana esilandelayo.
Abazali abangenakukwazi ukujongana nemibambano yoluntu okanye abaphikisanayo nomzekelo wesisombululo sokuba ngumzali ngendlela engabonakaliyo neyingozi.
Ukongezelela, abanye abantwana bangasengozini yokunyanzeliswa xa abazali behlanganiswe kwimibandela yabo. Ukunyanzelwa kwimizimba kungabikho emzimbeni (ukungathathi ixesha lokutya okunempilo okanye ukuthukuthela kangangokuthi abazali bahlolisise ngabazali) okanye imvakalelo (abazali abayi kuhamba kunye kwiziganeko ezibalulekileyo kumntwana okanye bazame ngabanye ukukhupha umntwana omnye umzali).
Ukuba abazali abanako ukuhlala kunye kwindlu enye ngaphandle kokusebenza ngokubambisana njengabazali-co-parent, kwaye ukuba loo mzali-mzali uza kuba ngcono ukuhlala emakhaya ahlukeneyo, oko kungabonisa ukuba umtshato uya kuba yindlela engcono.
Ixabiso lokuhlala kunye
UJudith Wallerstein, umbhali weLifa elingalindelekanga leSahlukaniso , uyaqiniseka, ngokusekelwe kuphando lwakhe, ukuba abantwana basoloko bebhetele kangcono xa intsapho ihlala ihleli, nangona abazali bengasenalo uthando.
Ukuba umama nobawo bahlala behlala kunye kunye nokusebenza kunye nomzali, nokuba ngaba badabuka okanye banesizungu, kwaye banokuphepha ukuthintela abantwana ukuba balwe kwaye baqhekeke, kwaye ukuzala ngokufanayo phantsi kophahla olufanayo kungcono. Kwaye ngoxa ukubala ngokucacileyo kukubingelelwa ngabantwana kubantwana bakho, ukuhlala umtshato onzima ngenxa yeeminyaka elishumi okanye ngaphezulu kunokubuza.
Uphando lwaseWallerstein lufumene ukuba iziphumo zokuqhawulwa kwabantwana, kwaye ngokukodwa phakathi kwala bantwana abakhulile baze babe ngabantu abadala, zixhalabisa ngokwenene ukuba abazali bahlale kunye kunye naziphi na iindleko. Ngombono wakhe, umtshato ugcinwe ndawonye kubantwana, ungcono kunomtshato ogqwesileyo.
Indlela yokwenza isigqibo?
- Ngaba kukho uxhatshazo? Ngokubanzi, iingcali zabazali ziyavuma ukuba abantwana akufanele bagcinwe kwintsapho apho kukho ukusetyenziswa kakubi kwanaluphi na uhlobo. Ukwahlukana kufuneka kubangele ukuba umntwana uhlala nomzali owenza kakubi ngesondo, ngokomzimba okanye ngokomzwelo. Nangona kucacile ukuba ukuziphatha kakubi kungatshintshwa kwaye kulungiswe, kuyacaca ukuba olo tshintsho luyaphinda. Ngokuqinisekileyo kukho imeko apho umzali okhubekileyo angafumana uncedo, afunde izakhono zokubeletha ezingcono kunye nokuguqula ukuziphatha kwabo kakubi, kwaye kulawo matyala, ukwahlukana kunokube kulandelelana. Kodwa xa ukuziphatha kungatshintshi, abantwana bancono ukuba bakhuselwe ekuxhatshazweni.
- Ngaba abazali banokubambisana? Enye yezinto eziphambili kukuba ngaba abazali banokuvuma ukubeka uxanduva lwabo lomtshato ngokubamba abantwana. Yona myalelo omude kodwa ngokunyanisekileyo, yinto esayinayo xa sisenza isigqibo sokuba ngabazali. Ngoko ke, ukuba ngabazali banezinga lokukhula elifunekayo ukubeka abantwana kuqala, ukuba banomzali ngokubambisana kunye nokugcina ukungaboni kakuhle kwabo ngenxa yezingane, baya kuba nenzuzo xa umama nobaba behlala kunye. Ukuba akunjalo, abantwana bangaphumelela ngokusasaza ngokuqhawula umtshato.
- Ngaba umtshato ungalungiswa? Mhlawumbi umbuzo obalulekileyo kunokuba ngaba umtshato uswelekile ukwenzela ukuba ungenakulinganiswa. Ingaba isibini sitshintshe uncedo kwiintsapho zengcali, abafundisi okanye ezinye izinto ezifanayo? Ngaba indoda kunye nomfazi baye balandela isiluleko esihle? Ingaba kukho ukungathembeki emshadweni ongazange kumiswe kunye neenzame ezenzelwe ukuvuselela ithemba? Ngaphambi kokuqhawula umtshato kunye nokunyamezela uxinzelelo oludityaniswe ngumtshato, izibini zifuna ukwenza konke abakwaziyo ukubuyisela umtshato.
Ekupheleni, nokuba umtshato ungabuyiselwa kwaye wakhiwe kwakhona ngenxa yabantwana mhlawumbi umbuzo obalulekileyo. Utyalo-mali obaluleke kakhulu ekudaleni unxibelelwano olutsha kunye nolomeleleyo phakathi koomama noyise kwintsapho ehambelanayo yintoni emele ukuba yenzeke, xa kunokwenzeka, ngenxa yabantwana.
Ukuba isahlukaniso siba ngumgwebo
Uphando olusuka ku-E. Mavis Hetherington noJohn Kelly kwi- Better or Worse: Ukwahlukanisa ukuhlaliswa kwakhona kubonisa ukuba malunga no-80% wabo bonke abantwana bazali abaqhawule umtshato baphela njengolonwabo kwaye bahlengahlengiswa njengabantwana kwiintsapho ezihambelanayo. Ukuba ngumzali kuhamba kakuhle, abantwana bahamba kakuhle.
Umngeni obalulekileyo uqinisekisa ukuba bobabini nobawo banokusebenzisana ndawonye ngenxa yabantwana ngokubazali ngokufanelekileyo. Isimo sengqondo nokuzibophelela kwenza inkqubo yokuqhawula umtshato ingabi bubuhlungu kakhulu kwaye iyanceda kakhulu abantwana ukuba baphumelele.