Nangona ububele buzisa inani elikhulu lovuyo, ukuziqhenya, ukukhula komntu kunye nezinye izinto ezintle kwabo banezingane, kunokukunceda nemingeni eninzi. Abaphandi bafumanisa ukuba le mingeni ingathatha umthwalo kubomi babazali nangengqondo, abayithandi; soloko kuyaziwa ukuba ukubeletha kuyabangela uxinzelelo. Nangona kunjalo, sifumana ubungqina obuninzi malunga nendlela ukuxinezeleka oku kuchaphazela ngayo njengabazali.
Uphononongo loxinzelelo lwabazali ngabafundi baseFlorida State University u-Robin Simon kunye neYunivesithi yaseVanderbilt kaRathane Evenson bafumene ukuba abazali banamaqondo aphezulu kakhulu ekudandathekeni kunabantu abadala abangenawo abantwana. Nazi ezinye zezinto eziphambili zeziphumo zophando:
Izinto eziphezulu zeengozi
Uphononongo lufumene ukuba iintlobo ezithile zabazali zinamaqondo aphezulu okudandatheka kunabanye abazali. Abo babonisa iimpawu ezininzi zokudakumba kubandakanya:
- Abazali bamabantwana abadala abahlala ekhaya
- Abazali bamabantwana abadala abahlali ekhaya
- Abazali abangenalo ukugcinwa kwabantwana babo abancinci
Izinto ezinobungozi
Abo babonakalisa iimpawu ezincinci zengxaki zibandakanya:
- Abazali abahlala nabantwana abancinci bezinto eziphilayo
- Abazali abahlala nabantwana abancinci abancinane
- Abazali abahlala nabantwana abancinci.
(Ezi ziphumo ziyamangalisa, njengoko kuye kwacingwa ngabaninzi ukuba aba bazali bafumana ubuninzi bexinzelelo.)
Umtshato womtshato
Abazali abatshatileyo banemiqondiso embalwa kunabo abangatshatanga. Bobabini abesilisa nabasetyhini bafunyaniswa ukuba banokuchaphazeleka ngokufanayo, ukufumanisa okwenkqisayo ukuphanda abaphandi, njengoko kwakungavumelani nezifundo zangaphambilini kwaye kuphikisana nokucinga kwangaphambili ukuba ububele buchaphazela abanye abafazi.
Bonke Abazali Bengozi Kakhulu
Akukho nhlobo yomzali phakathi kwabo bonke abalwe apha ngasentla abafumana amanqanaba aphantsi okuxinezeleka kunabantwana abangenabo abazali, abaphandi abaye bamangalisa, ngakumbi kuba ezinye iindima zabantu abadala, njengokutshata kunye nokuqeshwe, zidibaniswa namanqanaba amakhulu okuphila kakuhle.
Impembelelo Yomphefumlo Wonke
Kwakumangaliswa kukuba ukufumanisa ukuba le mpawu ayifuni xa abantwana bekhula bephuma ngaphandle kwendlu! Abaphandi bakholelwa ukuba oku kuba abazali baxhalabele ngabantwana babo nokuba bahamba njani kwihlabathi lonke ubomi babo, ukususela ngexesha labo baxhamla iintsana kunye nabancinci abancinci ukuya kwiintsuku xa bexhala malunga nokukhutshwa umsebenzi kunye neengxaki zabo zomtshato.
Yintoni ekhokelela oku?
Abaphandi bakholelwa ukuba oku kuba kubazali banokukhathazeka ngaphezu kwabanye abantu. Sinenkxalabo malunga nentlalo yabantwana bethu bonke ubomi babo, ukususela kwixesha elincinci kwaye bajongana ne-colic, i-cheething, kunye neengcungcutheko, ngexesha elijongene nokufumana imisebenzi kunye namaqabane kunye nezingane zabo. Akunjalo ukuba abazali abayithandi abantwana babo okanye iimbopheleleko zabo, kodwa ukuphazamiseka kwengqondo kubazali kunokuphakamisa, ngenxa yokuba abazali baseUnited States bahlala becala kwaye bahlala bexhaswa kuluntu okanye nokuba intsapho.
"Yindlela esenza ngayo abazali kuluntu," kusho uSimon. "Senza ngendlela eyodwa kwaye i-onus ikhona ngathi njengabantu ngabanye ukuze baphumelele." Impumelelo yethu yinto yethu, kodwa kunjalo ke ukusilela kwethu.
Into enokuba yongezelela kubazali kukuba abantu abasoloko bethetha malunga nobunzima bokubazali okanye bayaqonda ukuba kuninzi inkxaso. Olu pho nonongo lunokunceda abazali ukuba babone indima enzima kunye nokuvuza, ukuqinisekisa iimvakalelo abanokuba nazo, kwaye bakhuthaze ukuba bafune inkxaso yoluntu kwaye bazinyame.
"Abazali bamele bazi ukuba bodwa; abanye abantu bavakalelwa ngale ndlela, nabo," watsho. "Le nendima enzima ngokwenene, kodwa siyayifumanisa kwiinkcubeko zaseMerika. Umzali akuyona indlela ekuthengisweni kweTV."
Nazi ezinye iindlela ezibalulekileyo abazali abanokujamelana nokuxinwa kwabantwana kunye nokunyamekela impilo yabo yengqondo. Kubaluleke kakhulu ukuba abazali bahlale beqaphele ingozi kunye nezobuqu babo kwaye bathathe amanyathelo okulawula uxinzelelo ngeendlela ezisebenzela zona, nokuba oko kuthetha ukuthatha iveki ebusuku, ixesha eliqhelekileyo kunye nabahlobo okanye iqela lokuxhasa abazali, okanye ukufumana inkqubo yokuzilolonga rhoqo engasebenza kwixesha elixakekileyo.
Ukuzinyamekela kuyinto ebalulekileyo yokulawulwa kwengcinezelo enokuba nzima ngakumbi ukugcina njengomzali, kodwa kungabinakunakwa. Izinto ezinjengokulala rhoqo (nangona oko kufezekiswa ngoncedo lwama-naps), ukugcina ukutya okunempilo, nokufumana umzimba owaneleyo kunye nexesha lokuphucula konke kubalulekile, kwaye unako ukufezekiswa ngokupheleleyo ngabazali. Nazi ezinye izicwangciso zokuzinakekela ezibalulekileyo ukuze uzame, kwaye nakhu okubaluleka kokudlala (ewe, abantu abadala kufuneka badlale, nabo). Ekugqibeleni, thatha ixesha lokufunda ukuxinwa kokuxinwa kwengxubusho onokuyonwabela kunye nezingane zakho.
Ukuba uziva unyanzelekile uncedo olungakumbi lokulawula uxinzelelo kunokuba eli nqaku linikezela, unganqikazi ukuthetha nodokotela wakho. Kukho unyango oluninzi olusebenzayo lokunyamezela nokuxinezeleka .
Umthombo:
I-Evenson RJ, uSimon RW. Ukucacisa Ubudlelwane Phakathi kobuzali noxinzelelo. Umbhalo wezeMpilo kunye noLuntu . Disemba 2005.