Umbono uhluka ngokukhawuleza, kunye nomhlaba omncinane kakhulu
Ukupaka okanye ukungaqhubi? Oko kuqhubeka kuba ngumbuzo xa kufikelele ekufundiseni abantwana, kwaye malunga nomntu wonke unesimo esomeleleyo nesisoloko esichukumisayo.
Ngelixa abaninzi abantu (ubuncinane esidlangalaleni) banqwenela ukusebenzisa ukutyunjwa njengendlela yokuqeqeshwa kwabafundi, abantu abaninzi banokuthi bathabathe abantwana babo kunokuba bavumeleke. Esikhundleni saloo ndlela, abaninzi abachasayo bathetha "ukutyikitya" okanye "ukutshitshisa" okanye "ukuphuma kwezandla okanye intloko" kunokuhlukileyo kunokuba uphawule.
Kodwa ukutywina akusho nje ukuba yintoni inceba apho umntwana egobile phezu kwamadolo kunye nesiseko sakhe sitshitshiswe ngesandla (okanye nakwebhanti). Abaninzi bachaza ukutyana njengento nayiphi na inxibelelwano yomzimba ebandakanya ukubetha umntwana ngenjongo yokuyeka ukuziphatha okanye isenzo okanye ukufumana ingqwalasela.
Ngako konke okuthethileyo, ininzi yengqondo yengqondo yabantwana, oogqirha bezilwanyana, ababizwa ngokuba yiingcaphephe zokubeletha, ootitshala nabazali bezinga eliphakathi baphikisana nokugxeka. Ukuqiqa kukuba ukugawula kungabangela ukulimala komzimba kumntwana (kunye ngamanye amaxesha kunye nomonakalo ngokomzimba ngokunjalo). Ngaphezu koko, abachasayo abaphikisanayo, baninzi ezinye iindlela zokuqeqesha umntwana owenza ngokungafanelekanga.
Abaxhasi beentlanzi bahlala bexhaswa ngokwenkolo, abasetyenziselwa ukuhlwaywa kwe-corporal (spanking) njengendlela ekhethekileyo yokuqeqesha abantwana ngokuhambelana neBhayibhile. Ngubani ongayivanga i-reference, "Khuphela intonga uze uyihlasele umntwana?" Abaxhasi bathi ukutyunjwa, xa kusetshenziswe ngokufanelekileyo, kudala umqondo ongcono wokuqeqesha nokwenza okulungileyo kubantwana.
Bathetha ngokukhawuleza ngamabango abachasi ukuba ukubetha umntwana kufundisa ukuba babe ngabantu abadala.
Abaxhasi baxela ukuba ukubetha ngenye indlela umntwana osebenza ngokungathandekiyo okanye obangelwayo akabenzi abahlukumeze abantwana okanye abazali abaneengxaki zomsindo. Baphinde babonise indlela abaziphatha ngayo kakuhle umntwana wabo, ngakumbi xa kuthelekiswa nabangaphandle kokulawula, abatsha abangahloneliyo kunye neentlungu ezinokuthi abazali babo bahlale besongela "ixesha lokuphuma" okanye "belala embhedeni" ngaphandle kokuguqula indlela yokuziphatha.
Ngubani osebenzisa ukutyunjwa njengendlela yoqeqesho lomntwana namhlanje?
Kunzima ukwazi kakuhle ukuba yeyiphi ipesenti yabazali okanye abanakekeli (njengotatomkhulu noomkhulu) ngokwenene bahlawula umntwana, kuba abaninzi abenzayo abayivuma. Kodwa ngokwenene, abantu ababetha, ubuncinane ngamanye amaxesha, baquka:
- Abanakekeli abavela kwizizukulwana ezidala, ababethelwa njengabantwana baze bakholelwe ukuba baphumelele. Ootatomkhulu kunye nabazali asebekhulile abazali babo ababetha ngokufanelekileyo babonisa ukuba bawakhumbula amava, kwaye ngenxa yoko, bafunde ngokuphumelelayo ukuba bangaphinda baphinde baphinde benze into efanayo.
- Abazali abavuthiweyo, kaninzi ngaba bantwana abancinci abaninzi, ababetha (kodwa ngokuqhelekileyo babhekisela kulo "njengentsimbi" okanye "ukuxhamla" kunokuba uhlasele). Aba bazali babonisa ukuba baqondisa abantwana babo ngale ndlela kuphela xa kubandakanya ingozi eyimvelo kumntwana (ngokwabo okanye kwabanye). Umzekelo walo ngumzali osibetha isandla somntwana oza kufikelela kwisitofu eshushu.
- Abanakekeli (abazali okanye nabani na abadala) bangaphinda bahlasele umntwana xa, emva kokuqeqeshwa usebenzisa enye indlela, ngokuphindaphindiweyo ukuphinda ukuziphatha okufanayo, njengokungathi ukuxhathisa umzali. Umzekelo ngumntwana oqhuba ivenkile (ewe, kwenzeka) kwaye uyakhupha izinto kwiithalafu, emva kokuxelelwa ngokuphindaphindiweyo. Uyabona oku kunye nezingane eziya kwisitrato emva kokuba zixelele ukuba zihlale kwinqanaba. Ukutshatyalaliswa kwengqalelo komntwana kwaye kunokuyeka ukuziphatha, kunye neentlekele ezinokwenzeka, ukuba zenzeke.
Kutheni Kule Nkinga Enjalo Engokomzwelo?
IiNkonzo zoKhuselo zabantwana okanye nokuba amapolisa abizwe ukuba aphenye imeko apho iindawo zomntu abadala zikhupha umntwana kwindawo kawonkewonke. Abantu abadala abanentsingiselo banokungenelela xa imeko ingenzeka okanye ingafaki. Kukho umgca ococekileyo kunye nesigwebo esininzi esabandakanyekayo xa kutyalwa kakubi. Ubushushu bomzali, obulethwe ngumntwana ongaphumelelanga, kungabangela iziphumo ezimbi kwaye ezibuhlungu. Ngelo xesha, i-swat ngasemva ukuyeka ukuziphatha kakubi kakubi kakubi, nangona abanye bangasenzela ukuba.
Kuze kube yiminyaka eyi-10 ukuya kwe-20 edlulileyo (kuxhomekeke kwisikolo), isijeziso sonyango sasisetyenziswa rhoqo kwigumbi lokufundela ukubeka ngokukhawuleza ukuziphatha okungafanelekanga.
Abazali babekwaziswa emva koko. Ukuba awuvumelani nokusetyenziswa kokutyunjwa, kufuneka ubhalise ifomu efakazela oko ekuqaleni kwonyaka ngamnye wesikolo, kwaye ngoko kwakufuneka ukuba kudibaniswe nabalawuli besikolo ukufumanisa enye indlela yokuziphatha. Ngoku, uninzi, ukuba akunjalo, izikolo ziyakuvinjelwa ukusetyenziswa kwezihlwayo kunye neendlela ezichasene nazo kwiincwadi zabo ezichanekileyo. Kodwa abanye ootitshala bayakhalazela ukuba abanako ukukhupha isigwebo esisohlwayo esithetha ukuba abantwana banokusukela nasiphi na isenzo soleko, okanye nokuba siqhwala (njengokungabikho kokuyeka) apho bahleka ngayo emva koko.
Kungakhathaliseki ukuba ungeyiphi na into echasene nayo nayiphi na uhlobo lokutshiza, ukuxhaswa kwiimeko ezincinci, okanye njengabazali abaninzi, ukuchasa esidlangalaleni ukusetyenziswa kwayo kodwa ngasese ngokuzenzekelayo ngokukodwa ngomntwana onqabileyo okanye ongekho olawulayo, ingxabano ejikeleze akunakwenzeka ukuphela kwizizukulwana ezizayo.
Ukuba unombono oqinileyo malunga nokupaka kwanoma yiphi na uhlobo kwaye phantsi kwayo nayiphi na imeko nomntwana, qi niqiniseke ukuba ugqithisele oko kubanakekeli bakho abantwana (abanikezeli bentsapho, abasebenzi bokukhathalela iintsuku okanye ababeleki, okanye abahlobo). Ngelo xesha, zilungele ukunikela ngamanyathelo athile ovumelekileyo.
Amalungiselelo amaninzi aphumeleleko ngononophelo lwabantwana aphelile ngenxa yokungabikho kolwazi ngonxibelelwano malunga neendlela ezivumelekileyo zokunakekela abantwana. Kwaye, ukuba ngabazali bakho bakubetha ngezinye izihlandlo kodwa uyayichasa ngokucacileyo kunye nomntwana wakho, musa ukucinga nje ukuba ootatomkhulu bomntwana baya kukwazi isikhundla sakho. Phuma ngaphandle phambi kokuba bathathe imisebenzi yokunakekela abantwana.