Incwadi Ephakamileyo Yokubeletha Ukufundisa Ukuphumelela
Abanye abazali banenhlanhla yokuba nomntwana olula, ozimisele ukukholisa, ukwenza ukuqeqeshwa lula. Aba bazali bangenakufuna ukuba bafunde iindlela ezifanelekileyo zokuqeqeshwa, kuba umntwana wabo uyavumelana, ukuba noqeqesho olungasebenzi lusebenza.
Ukumisa umntwana onamandla
Abazali bomntwana onzima okanye onamandla abanomnqweno awunalo le nkwenkwezi.
Abantwana babo baya kuhlala bexhatshaza ngezinto zonke baze bavavanye abazali babo ngokuphindaphindiweyo, benze uqeqesho kunye nobomi bemihla ngemihla kumalungu onke entsapho.
Ndisoloko ndibona abazali 'abangazi nto enye yokuyenza' nomntwana wabo. Basenokuvakalelwa ngathi 'bazama yonke into.' Ixesha eliphumayo alisebenzisi, kuba 'uyayikhupha igumbi lakhe.' Ukuthatha amalungelo akusebenzi, kuba 'akukho nto esele ayifunayo okanye ayikhathalele malunga. Kwaye ininzi imizamo yokuqeqesha iya kuba ingxabano okanye ukulwa.
Ngeli xesha, abazali bafana nokuba benza into engalunganga, abayikuyiqonda, ngakumbi ukuba banomnye umntwana oziphatha kakuhle, okanye bazithabathele baze bacinge ukuba umntwana wabo 'wenza oko ngenjongo.' Ngokuqhelekileyo, akunjalo.
Abanye abazali baqhubeka kunye neendlela ezifanayo kunye neengxabano zemihla ngemihla, benethemba lokuba ukuziphatha kuyingxenye yesigaba esichaphazelekayo okanye isigaba esenziwa ngumntwana.
Ngelishwa, iziphatho ezimbi azivumi ukuba zihambe zodwa kwaye azigqithanga.
Ukubeka umda kunye nomntwana wakho onamandla
Nangona akuthethi ukuba ungumzali ombi okanye ukuba awukwazi ngokwaneleyo malunga nokuqeqeshwa okufanelekileyo xa umntwana wakho engenzi kakuhle, ukuba oko uyenzayo akusebenzi , ngoko kufike ixesha lokufumana uncedo kwaye uzame into eyahlukileyo .
Incwadi kaDkt. Robert MacKenzie, Ukubeka Imida kunye ne-Strong-Willed Child yakho , uncedo olukhulu kubazali bafuna uncedo lokufunda indlela abaya kuqonda ngayo kwaye baqeqeshe kakuhle abantwana babo, ingakumbi ukuba banqwenela ngamandla okanye bangachazwa ' , kunzima, kukhwela, kunenkani, ukuphakanyiswa kwesihogo, ibhotile okanye into engenakwenzeka.
Ukongezelela ekuncediseni ukuba kungani umntwana wakho eziphatha ngendlela ayenzayo, le ncwadi ifundisa ukuba yeyiphi indlela yokuziphatha yokuphepha , kuquka ukungahambelani nokuphinda, ukukhumbuza, ukuqiqa, ukuchaza, ukuphikisana, ukuxubusha, ukunyusa, ukusongela, ukujezisa okanye ukunyanzelisa . '
Kutheni abantwana abanamandla abanqwenela ukuqeqeshwa? UDkt. MacKenzie uchaza ukuba ngokuqhelekileyo kuhlobene nomoya wengane yakho, enoba ngumntwana onamandla onamandla, unokubenza bafune 'uqeqesho oluninzi kunye nokuziphatha,' kuba bahlala 'bafunda ngokuhlukileyo' kwaye 'kufuneka bafumana imiphumo yezigqibo zabo nokuziphatha kwabo. Kwakhona, kuba iindlela zokuziphatha eziqhelekileyo aziqhelekanga zisebenzisana nabantwana, zinokubangela ukuphendula okunamandla kubazali kunye nokuziphatha kwabo kunzima ukuyiqonda.
Emva kokuba uqonde ukuziphatha komntwana wakho, kunokukwenza kube lula ukuqonda ukuba kutheni ukusetyenziswa kobuchule bakho bengasebenzi kwaye kutheni ufuna ukuba 'uvivinye' ngokuphindaphindiweyo.
Inokukunceda ukuqonda ukunyameka kwakho kunye nendlela umntwana wakho kunye nesimo sakho sengqondo esifanelekileyo ngayo. 'Umdlalo ombi' phakathi kweempawu zomoya unokwenza uqeqesho lube nzima. Nangona ungeke ukwazi ukutshintsha isimo sengqondo somntwana wakho, uDkt. MacKenzie ubonisa indlela onokutshintsha ngayo yakho (ukuze ungathathi iingxaki zomntu wakho ngokuziphatha) kunye nendlela onokufunda ngayo iindlela 'zokukhokela iindlela' ukuze kube lula ukuphakamisa umntwana wakho onamandla.
Umntwana wakho onamandla
Ufika njani umntwana wakho okanye ucelomngeni imigaqo yakho okanye uyayigatya? Ngokuqhelekileyo kuba uzama ukuvavanya imigaqo yakho, ngokuthi 'enze uphando', ukuze abone oko angayifumana kwaye yintoni eyenzela yona.
Ukuba ukuwutyeshela umgaqo kukuvumela ukuba aphume ekwenzeni into angafuni ukuyenza, ingaba uhlambulula igumbi lakhe okanye uguqula ithelevishini, ngoko akunakwenzeka ukuphulaphula. Nangona ubaleka ukwenza into ethile emihlanu okanye imizuzu engama-10 okanye xa unika kwisiqingatha sithuba kwaye umvumele ukuba akwenze, oko kudla ngokwaneleyo ukuqinisa ukungahloneli.
Ngokufunda indlela engcono yokufundisa imithetho yakho, kwaye ukuphepha iindlela 'zokuvumela' okanye 'ukugweba,' unokunceda umntwana wakho ahloniphe imithetho yakho. UDkt. MacKenzie ufundisa ukuba indlela efanelekileyo yokufundisa imithetho yakho isebenzisa 'intando yesininzi,' equka 'ukulinganisela phakathi kokuqina nokuhlonipha'. Ngokufunda ukubeka imida eqinile , nokuphepha kwimida elula, umntwana wakho uya kufunda ukuba kulindeleke ukuba ahambisane nemithetho yakho kwaye kufuneka avavanye kancinci.
Kwenzeka ntoni xa uzama ukuqeqesha umntwana wakho? Ukuba unamandla onamandla kwaye usebenzisa imingcele engafanelekiyo, ngoko unokuthi unamathele kwipatheni ekhokelela ekumemeza, ukulwa, ukuphikisana nokuthobela. UDkt. MacKenzie uchaza oku 'njengomdaniso wentsapho,' echaza 'njengeendlela zokunxibelelana kunye nokuxazulula ingxaki ezidlulileyo kwizizukulwana ngezizukulwana.' Imidaniso yeentsapho ivame ukuquka ukuthetha okuninzi kakhulu ('amanyathelo omlomo') de uze ufinyelele 'isinyathelo senzathelo' sakho (njengexesha lokuphuma). Ukuqaphela ukuba ungumzekelo onjalo unokukunceda ukuba uphume kwaye uphephe 'ingqalelo engafanelekanga,' 'ukuqiniswa' kunye 'nokuzonwabisa ngokuzonwabisa' abonelela umntwana wakho.
Ukubeka imida
UDkt. MacKenzie ufundisa ukuba uqeqesho olululo luqala ngokunika 'umyalezo ocacileyo, oqinileyo' ojolise ekuziphatheni ozama ukulawula kwaye kungekhona umntwana, 'othe ngqo kwaye uthethe ngqo', unikezwa 'ngezwi lakho eliqhelekileyo' kwaye uquka ' iziphumo zokungahambelani.'
Ezinye izixhobo ziquka ixesha elipholileyo, likhetha ukukhetha okukhethiweyo, usebenzisa i-timer kwaye ungathathi umntwanakho umntwana kwaye uthathwa kwiingxoxo okanye iingxoxo.
Ukongezelela ekusebenziseni imilayezo ecacileyo, kufuneka ucacise ngezenzo zakho ukuba wenze izicelo xa ilandelwa imithetho yakho. Iziphumo zibalulekile ngenxa yokuba 'zifundisa umntwana wakho onqwenela ukuba abuyele kumagama akho, uthathe ngokungqongqo, kwaye usebenzisane rhoqo.' Ziyasebenza kakhulu xa 'zihamba ngokukhawuleza,' 'zihambelana,' 'zihambelana ngokuchanekileyo,' 'zilingana,' kwaye 'zilandelwe ngumbumba ococekileyo.'
Iintlobo zemiphumo ziquka imiphumo yemvelo , elandela 'ngokwemvelo kwisiganeko okanye imeko,' njengokuthi uyaphula ithoyizi, ngoko akayi kudlala nayo. Ungasebenzisa nemiphumo enengqiqo , 'ehambelana ngokufanelekileyo neemeko okanye ukuziphatha,' njengokungakwazi ukukhwela ibhayisiki lakhe xa ebanjwa ekhwele ngaphandle kwesigqoko. UDkt. MacKenzie uchaza iimeko ezininzi ezahlukeneyo apho ezi ntlobo ziza kusebenza, kubandakanywa xa umntwana ekhohlwayo, engakhathaliyo, enqabileyo, engabambisani nabanye abantwana, abangahlanganyeli, enze umonakalo, angenzi imisebenzi okanye umsebenzi wesikolo okanye utshabalalisa.
UDkt. MacKenzie uchaza nendlela yokusebenzisa ngokufanelekileyo ixesha lokuphuma , kokubili ekhaya nangaphandle kwendlu. Ucebisa ukuba kusetyenziswe ixesha 'lokungabikho okugqithiseleyo okunjengokuvavanya, ukuziphatha kakubi, ukuziphatha okungahloneliyo, ukuziphatha kakubi okanye ukulimala.'
Izahluko ezimbalwa zokugqibela zifundisa indlela yokukhuthaza nokufundisa umntwana wakho onamandla onamandla ukusebenzisana nokulandela imithetho yakho ngokugwema imilayezo emibi, kwaye endaweni yoko, usebenzisa imiyalezo emihle, ukuhlola ukhetho, kunye nokuziphatha ngendlela yokuziphatha.
Ngokufanelekileyo, abazali kufuneka bafunde ukubeka imida kunye ne-Child Strong-Willed Child ngaphambi kokuba baqalise ukuba neengxaki zokuziphatha ukuze banqande ukungena 'kumdaniso wentsapho.' Ukuba usele ulapho, okanye ufuna nje uncedo oluncinane lokufundisa umntwana wakho ukuba ahloniphe kwaye asebenzisane nemithetho yakho kunye nemida, ke le ncwadi inakho.
Ukongezelela ekuchazeni ngokucacileyo nganye yezixhobo ezikhokelela ekuqeqesheni ngokufanelekileyo okukhankanywe ngasentla, uDkt. MacKenzie unikeza izikhokelo ezicacileyo zokusebenzisa indlela nganye. Oku kubandakanya imizekelo emininzi yento engayenziyo kunye neemeko apho nganye indlela eya kuba yinkqubela.
Ukumisela imida kunzima ukufunda nokucwangciswa kakuhle kwaye ndinconywa kakhulu kubo bonke abazali, ngakumbi ukuba unomntwana onamandla okanye onzima.
Isilinganiselo : iinkwenkwezi ezi-5