Ukuba ngumntu ongaphelelekanga akufani nokuba nemilinganiselo ephakamileyo
Mhlawumbi uvile umzali ekhuseleyo athi into enjengokuthi, "Indodana yam yahlala ubusuku bonke iprojekthi yakhe eyiyo yesayensi ngokufanelekileyo. Ungumntu ongcono! "Kodwa nawuphi na umzali ocinga ukuba uphelele ukubonakalisa ukugqibelela, isimboli esimo sikwazi ukuba akayiqondi ukuba ukugqibelela kuyinkinga enkulu.
Ukuba ukhulisa umgcini-mpahla, mhlawumbi uye wazibonela wena ukuba kunzima kangakanani.
Ukugqitywa kwamaphepha, ubusuku obusondeleyo, kunye neziqwenga zokulila zizinto ezimbalwa zokuziphatha onokuzibona kwi-perfectionististist.
Ingaba umntwana wakho uncibilikisa phantsi nanini na xa enza iphutha kwibala lezemidlalo okanye uchitha iiyure ngosuku ezama ukuthabatha i-selfie epheleleyo , ukuphelela ukugqibelela kuthatha umthwalo kubomi bentwana. Yaye xa ihamba ingagqitywanga, inokuba nemiphumo engapheliyo.
Ziziphi iiNkonkcaso zokuPhelelwa kweNdlela?
Kukulungele ukuba abantwana babambelele ezilindelekileyo. Kodwa ukuba balindele ukuba yonke into ibe yiphelele, abayi kuze baneliseke ngempumelelo yabo.
Abagqibeleleyo bavelisa iinjongo ezingenangqiqo. Emva koko, babeka ingcinezelo enkulu kubo ukuba bazame baze bafikelele kwiinjongo zabo. Bahlanganyela kuyo yonke into-okanye akukho nto yokucinga. Ingaba i-99 kwiimvavanyo zeematriki okanye i-9 kwi-10 ye-shot shots, eyenziwa ngabagqibeleleyo bavakalisa ukusebenza kwabo ukusilela kokuphazamiseka xa bengaphumeleli kwiinjongo zabo.
Xa bephumelela, banzima ukufumana izinto eziphumelelayo. Bavame ukutyhubela impumelelo yabo kwinhlanhla kunye nokukhathazeka abayi kukwazi ukuphinda baphendule iziphumo okanye bahlale bephumelele.
Iintlobo zoLungelelwano
Abanye abaphengululi bakholelwa ukuba kunokwenzeka ukuba ube ngumntu onguphelelisi, oku kuthetha ukuba ukulindela komntwana okungenangqiqo kunokumkhonza ngokusemgangathweni ebomini.
Kodwa abanye abaphandi bathi ukunyaniseka kwangempela kuyingozi.
Abaphandi baye bachonga iintlobo ezintathu ezihlukeneyo zokuphelelana:
- Abazimeleyo abazimeleyo -Benza izinto ezingalindelekanga ngokwabo
- Eminye-Oriented Perfectionists - Beka imilinganiselo engaqinisekanga kwabanye abantu
- I-Social Prescribed Perfectionists - Kholelwa abanye abantu, njengabazali okanye abaqeqeshi, abanalindelo elingenangqondo kubo
Zonke iintlobo ezintathu zokuphelela zingaba yingozi kumntwana.
Iimpawu
Izimpawu zokuqhelanisa zizahluka ngokuxhomekeke kwiminyaka yobudala bomntwana kunye nohlobo lokuphelela kwakhe. Kodwa, ngokubanzi, iimpawu zokuphelelisa zibandakanya:
- Ubukhulu obuphezulu bokugxeka
- Ubunzima bokugqiba izabelo kuba umsebenzi awuzange 'ulungele'
- Ukulungelelanisa ukuphepha imisebenzi enzima
- Ukuzigxeka, ukuzincama, kunye nokuhlazeka
- Kubaluleke kakhulu kwabanye abantu
- Ingxaki yokwenza izigqibo okanye ukubeka phambili imisebenzi
- Ukunyamezela ukunyamezela xa kwenzeka iphutha
- Uxinzelelo oluphezulu olujikelezayo
Izinto zobungozi
Oososayensi bacinga ukuba kukho izinto ezinokubangela ukuphelelisa abantwana.
- Izinto eziphilayo - Uphando lubonisa ukuphelelana kuhlobene ngokusondeleyo kwizifo ezithile zengqondo, njengengxaki yokunyanzela ukunyanzelisa kunye nokuphazamiseka kokutya. Oku kubangela ukuba izazinzulu zikholelwe ukuba kukho inxalenye yezinto eziphilayo ukufezekisa.
- Iimpembelelo zabazali - Ukumncoma umntwana wakho ngokuba "yincwadana ehlakanipheleyo kwisikolo sonke" okanye "ukubambelela zonke iindawo zokuhlala kwi-gymnastics" kunokubangela ukuba akholelwe ukuba iimpazamo zibi. Unokucinga ukuba uphumelele kuzo zonke iindleko.
- Abazali abagqibeleleyo- Abazali abagqibeleleyo banako ukukhulisa abantwana abaphelele. Oku kunokuvela kwihambo efundwayo xa umntwana ebingqina umfuno womzali wokufezekisa okanye angabonakalisa isimo semfuza.
- Uxinzelelo lwezifundo - Abantwana banokwesaba i-GPA engaphantsi kweGPA okanye ngaphantsi kwamanqaku okuhlolwa okugqibeleleyo baya kutshabalalisa imizamo yabo yokungena kwikholejini elungileyo. Abanye bazama ukugqibelela ukuze bakwazi ukufumana i-scholarships. Ezi zengcinezelo zemfundo zingabangela ukuba bazive ngathi bafuna ukugqibelela ukuya phi na ebomini.
- Ukuphuhlisa ukuphumelela nokuphumelela -Kwabadlali be-elite ukuya kwi-star ye-pop yakamuva, abeendaba bahlala becacisa abantu ngokugqibeleleyo. Ngelo xesha, ezinye iindaba zendaba zibonisa indlela inkohlakalo eyenza ngayo umntu ukuba aphumelele ngokupheleleyo. La mabali asasazo angabakholisa abantu abatsha abafuna ukufezeka kuyo yonke into abayenzayo.
- Unqwenela ukukholisa - Abanye abantwana bafuna ukunyaniseka nokuthandana ngokubonisa ukuba banokuphelela ngeendlela zonke. Oku kunokusuka kumnqweno wokunciphisa uxinzelelo lomzali okanye mhlawumbi yindlela enye umntu osemtsha owaziyo ukujonga ngayo.
- Ukuzithoba okuphantsi - Umntwana oziva kakubi ngaye ngokwakhe unokucinga ukuba ulungile nje kuphela. Abaphelelisi bajwayele ukugxila kwiimpazamo zabo kunye nokunciphisa ukufezekiswa kwabo, nangona kunjalo, okubathintela ukuba bahlale beziva kakuhle.
- Iimbopheleleko - amava ahlaseleyo angenza abantwana bazive bengathandwa okanye ukuba abayi kwamkelwa ngaphandle kokuba bafezekile.
Ingozi Ezingenzeka Zokuphelela
Ukuba ngumntu ongapheleleyo akuyi kubangela ukuba umntwana wakho aphakamise phezulu. Enyanisweni, ukugqibelela kunokuba nefuthe elichaseneyo. Nazi ezinye zeengxaki ezingapheliyo.
- Ukuxhalabisa ngenxa yokwenza impazamo kuthintela abanye abagqibeleleyo ukuba baphumelele . Ukwesaba kwabo ukungaphumeleli kubathintela ekuzameni izinto ezintsha.
- Abantwana abagqibeleleyo bavame ukugubungela intlungu neengxubusho . Baziva bephoqelekile ukuba babonakale begqibelele ngaphandle, kwaye ngenxa yoko, abaninzi babo bahlupheka ngokukhawuleza xa kuvela iingxaki.
- Ukutshatyalaliswa kwezinto kungabangela iingxaki zempilo yengqondo. I-Perfectionists inokuba yingozi enkulu yokudakumba, ukuxhalaba kunye neminye imiba yengqondo yengqondo .
- Amanqanaba aphezulu okuxinezeleka. Ekubeni abagqibeleleyo baziva bephoqelekile ukuba baphephe iimpazamo, baphantsi kwamazinga aphezulu okuxinezeleka ngexesha lonke. Yaye ingcinezelo enkulu ingaba yingozi emzimbeni womntu kunye nempilo yengqondo.
Indlela yokujongana nokugqithisa
Ukuba ubona iimpawu zokulumkisa ukuba umntwana wakho ungumgcini ophelele, kukho izinto ezininzi ongayenza ukuze uncede. Nazi ezinye iindlela zokulungisa ukuphelela.
- Dumisani imizamo yomntwana kunokuba isiphumo. Gwema ukudumisa umntwana wakho ngokufumana i-100 kwi-test spelling. Kunoko, mdumiseni ngokufunda nzima. Kwakhona, mdumise ngokuphatha abanye ngobubele okanye kuba ngumhlobo omhle. Yenza kucace ukuba impumelelo akuyona into ebalulekileyo ebomini.
- Yabelana ngamabali okuhluleka kwakho. Yenza kucace kumntwana wakho ukuba awufezekanga. Mxelele malunga nexesha ongayifumani ngalo msebenzi okanye ixesha xa ungaphumeleli uvavanyo. Chaza indlela ojamelana ngayo nokuhluleka kwakho.
- Fundisa izakhono zokuphikisana. Nangona ukuhluleka kungakhululeki, akunakuxinwa. Fundisa umntwana wakho indlela yokujongana nokudumala, ukugatywa kunye neempazamo ngendlela ephilileyo. Ukuthetha nomhlobo, ukubhala kwiphephancwadi, okanye ukudweba umfanekiso zizakhono ezimbalwa zokujamelana nazo ezingamnceda ukuba ahlangabezane neemvakalelo zakhe.
- Umzekelo wokuzikhulisa ophilileyo. Fundisa umntwana wakho ukuba asebenzise intlonipho, ngokuchasene nokugxeka kwakhe. Ncokola kunye nawe ngokuvakalayo ukubonisa umntwana wakho ukuba uyaziphatheka ngobubele nangona wenza iphutha. Yithi izinto ezinje, "Ndilibale ukuya ebhankini namhlanje ngaphambi kokuba zivaliwe. Ndiza kuzama ukwenza ngcono ngomso, "okanye" andizange ndiqwalasele isitofu kwaye ndatshisa isidlo sakusihlwa. Ndiza kufumana enye into yokuba siyidle kwaye ndiya kuphulaphula xa ndipheka. "
- Jonga izinto ozilindeleyo. Qinisekisa ukuba awuyikunyanzelisa umntwana wakho ukuba aphelele. Yakha izinto eziphezulu kodwa ezinengqiqo. Futhi ujonge iindleko zakho kwixesha lokuqinisekisa ukuba awulindele kakhulu kumntwana wakho. Ukuba uyahluleka ukuhlangabezana neenjongo zakho okanye umntwana wakho ufuna ukuyeka ukuzama ukufikelela kwiinjongo zakho, unokulindela kakhulu kuye.
- Ncedisa umntwana wakho ukuba abone oko angakulawula kunye noko angenako. Ingaba umntwana wakho ufuna ukuba ngumdlali ongcono kakhulu webhasikidi kwisikolo sonke okanye ufuna ukuhlola yonke i-biology test, cacisa ukuba akakwazi ukulawula ezininzi iimeko ezichaphazela impumelelo yakhe. Akakwazi ukulawula ukuba kunzima kangakanani utitshala ukuba enze iimvavanyo kwaye akakwazi ukulawula indlela abaontanga bakhe benza ngayo, kodwa unokulawula umgudu wakhe.
- Beka iinjongo ezifanelekileyo kunye nomntwana wakho. Thetha nomntwana wakho ngeenjongo afuna ukuzifikelela. Ukuba iinjongo zakhe zidinga ukufezeka, khuluma naye ngeengozi zokubeka iinjongo eziphezulu ezingenangqiqo kuye kwaye uncede enze izizathu ezingakumbi.
- Nceda umntwana wakho ahlakulele ukuzithemba. Yenza imisebenzi eyenza umntwana wakho azive kakuhle ukuba ungubani, kungekhona nje into ayenzayo. Ukuzithandela, ukufunda izinto ezintsha, kunye nokuzibandakanya kwimisebenzi yobugcisa zimbalwa iindlela zokunceda umntwana wakho akwazi ukuphucula impilo yakhe.
Nini Ukufuna Uncedo Lobugcisa
Qaphela ukuba imiqondiso yokuba umntwana wakho uphelele ukudala iingxaki zentlalo. Umzekelo, ukuba umntwana wakho wenqabile ukuhlalisana ngenxa yokuba unomdla wokufumana ibakala eligqibeleleyo okanye ukhala nanini na xa engayifumani i-A eklasini, ubomi bakhe bentlalo buya kubandezeleka kwaye unokufuna uncedo lobuchwepheshe.
Ingxaki yezemfundo yinto enye isilumkiso sokuba umntwana wakho unokufumana inzuzo yokuthetha nengcali yezempilo yengqondo . Ngokomzekelo, ukuba umntwana wakho akakwazi ukugqiba iiprojekthi kuba ucinga ukuba umsebenzi wakhe awunelisekile okanye utyhoboza amaphepha akhe xa athe wenza iphutha, uncedo lobuchule lunokuba luncedo.
Ukuba unomdla wokuba umntwana wakho uphelele, uthetha ugqirha wengcali yomntwana. Xoxa ngeempawu ozibonayo kwaye wabelane ngendlela ezo zinto zichaphazela ngayo ubomi bomntwana wakho.
Udokotela angabhekisela umntwana wakho kwingcali yezempilo yengqondo ekuhloleni. Ukuba unyango lufanelekile, umntwana wakho unokufumana inzuzo ekunciphiseni ukuphelela kwakhe.
Imithombo:
Closson LM, i-Boutilier RR. Ukufezekiswa, ukuzibandakanya kwezifundo kunye nokuzicima phakathi kwabafundi bokugqibela: Inxaxheba yokumodareyitha yokuhlonipha isimo somfundi. Ukwahlukana nokuFunda komntu ngamnye . Epreli 2017.
Cook Cook, Kearney CA. Umzali ophelele kunye neempawu ze-psychopathology kunye nokuphelela umntwana. Ubuntu kunye noBomi bomntu ngabanye . 2014; 70: 1-6.
UDamian LE, uSteeber J, Negru O, Băban A. Kuphuhliso lokupheleliswa kwintsholongwane: Ukulindela okulindelekileyo kobazali kuqikelele ukwandiswa kwexesha elide kwimilinganiselo epheleleyo yomntu. Ubuntu kunye noBomi bomntu ngabanye . 2013; 55 (6): 688-693.
Hill AP, i-Curran T. I-Multidimensional Perfectionism kunye nokutsha. Ukuhlaziywa koBuntu kunye neNtlalo yeNtlalo . 2015; 20 (3): 269-288.
UVicent MCAD, ii-Inglés CJ, iSanmartín R, uGonzálvez C, uGarcía-Fernández JM. Ukutshatyalaliswa nokugqithisa: Ukuchonga iingcipheko zobungozi kubantwana. Ubuntu kunye noBomi bomntu ngabanye . 2017; 112: 106-112.