Ukuqaphela umehluko phakathi komqeqeshi onzima kunye nomqeqeshi wokuxhaphaza
Enye yeemeko ezinzima kunokuba ungabhekana nazo njengomzali ojongene nomqeqeshi wonyana okanye intombi engumbhali . Ukwazi izibalo malunga nokuxhatshazwa kunye nokuphazamiseka komntu, umntu ojongene nendodana okanye intombi yokuphuhliswa kwezemidlalo kunye nentuthuko ingaba ngumxhaphazi. Nangona kunjalo ngokungafaniyo "nabaxhasi besikolo," uhlobo oluthile lwabantu abaxhaphazayo onokuyifumana kwi-coaching, ekufundiseni, nokuba ngabazali, kunzima ukuyiqonda.
Ngokudabukisayo, abaninzi abazali abaqapheli ukuba umqeqeshi wakhe unyana okanye intombi uyamxhaphaza. Kunoko, bayathemba kubaqeqeshi, kwaye bakholelwa ngokunyanisekileyo ukuba umqeqeshi akayena umyinge, kodwa uyaphumelela xa ekhuni kwaye echukumisa abantwana ukuba baphumelele. Ukuqwalasela le meko, kuyacaca ukuba ukuxhatshazwa kwimidlalo yolutsha kunokuba nemiphumo emibi. Khawucinge ngomntwana ongaxhatshazwa kuphela kodwa oomntu omdala oncedisayo ekuxhaseni kwakhe ubomi. Ukuba ungumzali kwaye oku kunzima ukuyifunda, nceda ufunde ngoku. Ukuxhatshazwa ngumqeqeshi kunokuchaphazela impilo yonyana wakho okanye intombi yakho, impilo yonke, kunye nomdla wakhe kwimidlalo. Kukho iziphumo ezintle zokuxhaphaza . Enyanisweni, abantwana abaninzi bayeka ukudlala umdlalo ababewuthandayo ngenxa nje yokuba umqeqeshi wayeyindoda. Ngako oko, kubalulekile ukuhlukanisa phakathi komqeqeshi onzima kunye nomntu onobungqingili okanye umxhaphazi.
Nazi iimpawu ezithandathu umntwana wakho oxhatshazwayo , kulo mzekelo, ngokukodwa ngumqeqeshi.
Ukwahlula phakathi kwamaCandelo abaQeqeshi kunye nabaqeqeshi abaBumblies
Ukuba uphulaphule intetho yengane yakho, usenokuba uzibuza ukuba umqeqeshi wakhe ungumxhaphazi. Ukuba awuzange uliphulaphule, nceda uphulaphule kwakhona! Kodwa unokwazi njani ukuba loo mqeqeshi ungumxhaphazi okanye ngaba umntu onobubele oqinile ngenxa yokuba ufuna ukubona umntwana wakho aphumelele?
Kwixesha lethu langoku "i-narcissistic era" ekuthethwa ngalo ukuba i-Millennial "ithambileyo," kunokuba lula kakhulu ukugxotha ukuziphatha okuqinileyo kwinxalenye yomqeqeshi. Abazali abanandipha iividiyo ezili-millennial kwi-youtube, nangona ngamanye amaxesha bachaneka ngokuchanekileyo, banokungaziboneli lula okokuziphatha kakubi kumntwana wabo kunokuba babuze imibuzo efunekayo. Le ngenye yezindlela apho uxhatshazo luchaphazela intsapho .
Nangona kungathi kunzima ukuchazela umahluko, kukho impawu ecacileyo engakwazi ukwahlula umqeqeshi "onzima" kunye nomqeqeshi wokuxhaphaza. Nazi iinkalo ezintandathu zokujonga oko kunokuvula amehlo akho.
Ukusebenzisa kakubi umntwana wakho
Ukubethelwa kwetyala kumqeqeshi, phambi kwabanye, kuyindlela ecacileyo yokuxhaphazwa ngamagama. Ngokomzekelo, umqeqeshi wokuxhaphaza unokuhlazisa unyana okanye intombi yakho phambi kwabanye. Unokumemeza kwakhona, afunge okanye akhonkce ngokungqinelanayo okanye enze amahlaya ahlaselayo kwiindleko zomntwana wakho. Abaqeqeshi abakuxhaphazayo ngamagama bangaphinda benze iincwadana okanye banikele ngokugxeka ngokungalunganga ngamakhono omntwana okanye ukusebenza kumdlalo.
Okwangoku, umqeqeshi onzima uya kunika ukugxekwa nokukhawuleza. Unokwenza ngezwi eliqinileyo, kodwa amagama akalokothi akhathaze okanye ahlazise.
Kwaye, ngokuphindaphindiweyo kunokwenzeka, uya kuyenza kwindawo yangasese engahlaziyiyo umntwana wakho.
Ukuxhatshaza umntwana wakho kunye nabanye abadlali kwixesha eliqhelekileyo
Ukuba umqeqeshi wakho unyana okanye intombi uyatshitshisa umntwana wakho (okanye abanye abadlali) ngokuqhelekileyo, oku kukuphawu lokusetyenziswa kakubi. Ukuziphatha kakubi kunokubandakanya usongela unyana okanye intombi yakho ngemiphumo emibi njengendlela yokugcina amandla nokulawula. Ingabandakanya ukutshatyalaliswa kwesoyiko, ukumemeza okanye ukwesabisa ukumlimaza ngokwenyama xa wenza iphutha.
Ukuba unentombi, ukusetyenziswa kakubi kweentlobo kakubi kungabonakali kodwa kungabonakalisa okonakalisayo okanye kubi.
Amazwana angabonakaliyo ngasese angaba yinto yonke yokulawula njengabo abasemasimini. Ngokufanayo, abaqeqeshi basetyhini banokubonakala bengabonakali kodwa bengekho phantsi kweendlela zokuxhaphaza abadlali babo.
Ukubuza Ubuchule Bomntwana Wakho okanye Ukuzibophezela kwiQela
Umqeqeshi wokuxhaphaza angabonisa ukulawula ngokubuza umntanakho ukuzibophelela kwinqela. Abaxhatshazi badla ngokuhlekisa okanye babuze umdlali wamakhono ngokumthoba. Oku kunokwenziwa ngasese okanye phambi kwabanye. Umqeqeshi wokuxhaphaza unokugweba abanye ngokulahlekelwa okanye iimpazamo kumdlalo ngelixa beqhayisa ukuba izakhono zabo njengomqeqeshi zijongene neziphumo ezilungileyo. Ukuba uqhelana nokutshintsha kwetyala, jonga lo mkhuba.
Abaqeqeshi banokungabaza ukuzibophezela komntwana wakho kwiqela ukuba ngaba unyana wakho ulahlekelwa zizenzo ngenxa yezibophelelo zesikolo okanye uxanduva lweentsapho. Unokuvakalelwa ngumqeqeshi ofuna ukubeka iqela kuqala kwaye ufuna ukuzimisela okukhulu. Kodwa khumbula ukuba nangona umntwana wakho ebeka iiyure ezinde kwaye azincama ixesha lakhe, kusenokuba alanele kulolu hlobo lomqeqeshi. Ngomqeqeshi wokuxhaphaza, iimeko azibalulekanga, kuphela ukuba umqeqeshi uhlala kwindawo yokulawula "eyodwa-up".
Ukunciphisa okanye ukuphazamisa iNyana yakho okanye Impumelelo yoMntombi
Abaqeqeshi banganciphisa okanye baphazamise impumelelo yomntwana. Oku kuqhelekileyo phakathi kwabaqeqeshi bokuxhaphaza ababeka iinjongo ezingenangqiqo okanye izikhokelo zamacandelo abo. Ukwenza njalo kwandisa ithuba lokungaphumeleli. Ngaphezulu, olu hlobo lomqeqeshi lungabhenela unyana wakho ukuba uyazi ukuba umtshini uza kumlinda okanye ukuba uninzi lweentsapho kumdlalo. Aba qeqeshi banokuhlwaya unyana wakho ngenxa yeempazamo ezingezizo okanye ukuvelisa iimpazamo ezidlulileyo ukwenzela ukutshintsha ityala lokunciphisa ixesha lokudlala. Bangenza kube nzima ukuba unyana wakho enze iqela eliphakamileyo leqela ngaphakathi kwintlangano.
Ukuqonda ezinye zezi mpawu kuyimfuneko ukwazi ngokukhawuleza malunga nezifo zobuntu besikhwama B. Ucinga ukuba ubekho ngamaphesenti angama-10 ukuya kwe-15 abantu, iimeko ezifana ne-narcissistic personality disorder zingaba nzima ukuyiqonda. Kungakhathaliseki ukuba ungazama kangakanani ukuqonda oko umqeqeshi womntwana wakho akwenzayo, kunokusinda. Oku kubakho ngenxa yokuba abantu abangenalo ukuphazamiseka komntu bacinga ngendlela eyahlukileyo. Ngoobuntu obuqhelekileyo, abantu bava novelwano novelwano. Ukungabi novelwano komnye umntu omdala, ingakumbi umqeqeshi, akahambelani nengqondo yomzali ova novelwano. Nangona abantu abanempilweni baziva benetyala kwaye bazisola, abo banezinye iziphazamiso zobuntu abaziveleli le miva, kwaye ngenxa yoko, abazivekanga xa bexhaphaza umntwana.
Ukuthetha Okubi Ngomntwana Wakho Ngamanye Abaqeqeshi (Ukusasaza Amahemuhemu)
Ukuba umqeqeshi wakho unyana okanye intombi uthetha ngonyana wakho kwabanye abaqeqeshi okanye usasaza iindlebe, vula amehlo akho. Izilwanyana zidla ngokukhawuleza ukwenza abanye bajonge. Ngenxa yoko, bangase bahlebe kunye nabanye okanye basasaze iindlebe malunga nokusebenza komntwana wakho, amandla akhe, umzali wakho kunye nekamva lakhe kwimidlalo. Injongo kukunciphisa impumelelo yonyana wakho kwaye ugcine ukulawula kwimeko, ingakumbi ukuba uxelele umqeqeshi okanye uthetha naye ngokuziphatha kwakhe.
Ungalindeli ukuba umqeqeshi onjengolu tshintsho xa ejongene nokuziphatha kwakhe. Kunoko, ukuba unesifo somntu, isikhalazo sinokunyuka nje ukuziphatha kwakhe, inkqubo eyaziwa ngokuba ngumkhankaso we-smear.
Ukususa Umntwana Wakho Nentsapho Yakho
Abaqeqeshi bokuxhaphaza nabo bangabandakanyeka unyana wakho okanye intsapho yakho. Bakushiya kwizintlu zeqela kwaye abazibandakanyi kwiindawo zokuhamba, ukutya okanye iintlanganiso. Kananjalo banokucwangcisa iinkqubo okanye ezinye iziganeko xa bazi ukuba unempikiswano kwishedyuli yakho. Kwaye bahamba ukuya kwenjenjalo ukwenqaba ukuvumela ukuba unyana wakho abe khona kwimidlalo okanye kwimicimbi.
Ukuqaphela ukuziphatha okuxhatshazwayo
Siva ezininzi malunga nokuxhatshazwa phakathi koontanga, kodwa ukuxhatshazwa kunokuvela kubaqeqeshi, ootitshala okanye ngabazali. Enyanisweni, ukuxhatshazwa kwabantu abadala kwindawo yokulawula njengabaqeqeshi banokuchaphazela kakhulu. Uphi umntwana ukuba aphendule? Ukuba abazali bakhe bakholelwa ngabaqeqeshi bakhe, ngubani na onokuthetha naye?
Ukuba umntwana wakho uhlangabezana naluphi na ukusetyenziswa kakubi, kubalulekile ukuqaphela ukuba lolu hlobo lokuxhatshazwa, ngelixa liqhelekileyo, aluyinto eqhelekileyo yezemidlalo yolutsha. Ukuphindaphinda, ukuxhaphaza, ukubiza amagama , ukuxhatshazwa ngokwenyama kunye neminye imisebenzi eyenza ukunyaniseka kwonyana wakho okanye intombi okanye ayikho nje into engalunganga kwaye engalunganga kodwa ekugqibeleni iza kuthatha umthwalo kumntwana wakho.
Fundisa Umntwana Wakho Ukuba Aqonde Ukuxhaphazwa (Kungakhathaliseki ukuba Kuyabanye Abantwana okanye Abadala)
Ncedisa umntwana wakho ukuba afunde ukuxhatshazwa kwinto enjalo ukuze angazigxeka ngokuziphatha komnye umntu. Mkhumbuze ukuba ukuxhatshazwa akuthethi kukho into engalunganga kuye okanye ukuba akaze abe ngumdlali omhle. Kunoko, ukuxhatshazwa ngumntu okhethwa ngumntu onokuxhaphaza.
Asikwazi ukugqitha ukubaluleka kwesi. Ukuba umntwana wakho uxhatshazwe, unokufuna ukumxelela ngokugqithiseleyo ukuba akulungile. Umntwana oye wafundiswa ukuhlonipha igunya angaba nexesha elinzima ukuza kubamba ukuba nomntu omdala ebomini bakhe abangenayo intsingiselo yabo entliziyweni. Kungaphinda kuphazamise ngokomzwelo ngenye indlela, njengabantwana abachazwe kumntu omdala onokuxhaphaza bafunde ukuba ihlabathi alikho indawo ekhuselekileyo, kuquka phakathi kwabo bahloniphekileyo.
Thatha ixesha lokufundisa umntwana wakho umahluko phakathi kokuxhatshazwa kunye neengxabano eziqhelekileyo .
Kubaluleka kokubona ukuxhaphazwa ngabazali
Kubalulekile ukuba abazali bahlale bevule amehlo abo ukuba baqaphele ukuxhatshazwa kubaqeqeshi babo okanye ootitshala babo. Abazali bangabameli babantwana, kwaye ngaphandle koko, bashiywe bodwa bazikhusela kwihlabathi apho banako ubuncinane.
Njengomzali, thatha ixesha lokufunda ngeendlela ezimangalisayo abazali abazi ngazo ngokuxhatshazwa .
Ukuba Umntwana Wakho Uxhatshazwe
Ukuba umntwana wakho uxhatshazwe ngumqeqeshi, unokuzithengela ukwenza nantoni na. Unokuba ukhathazeke kukuba ukwenza into enokwenza ubomi bunzima kumntwana wakho. Nangona kunjalo umntwana wakho uthembele kwi-yakho yokuma oko kulungile. Ukuba unomdla, zama ukufumana abanye abachaphazelekayo. Nangona uwedwa kukho iindlela. Cinga ukufaka isikhalazo kubaququzeleli bezemidlalo okanye ngabalawuli. Kwaye nokuba umntwana wakho ushiye imidlalo (ngenxa yezizathu ezicacileyo) khumbula ukuba ukufakela isikhalazo kunokuthintela omnye umntwana ukuba angaxhatshazwa ngulo mqeqeshi.
Ukongezelela, gcina imeko ngendlela efanelekileyo kodwa uthathe amanyathelo okukhusela ukuzithemba kwonyana wakho (ukukhusela ukuxhatshazwa) kunye nempilo.
Abaqeqeshi bezeMpilo
Siyazi ukuba ukutyelela okubaluleka kwamanqanaba athile akunakwenzelana neempawu ezinikezwe ummkeli, kwaye kuyithuba elihle lokufunda malunga neengcinezelo zengqondo yengqondo ebomini bomntwana. Ngokomnye uphando olwalujonga indima yabasebenzi ngokubanzi ekuvavanyeni umsebenzi wokuxhatshazwa, abantu abaselula bayamkela ukuba usapho lwabo lugqirha oogqirha ukuba babe negalelo ekuxhaseni. Kubazali, oku kuthetha ukuba ngamanye amaxesha umntwana angamkela ithuba lokuthetha noogqirha babo, kunye nokwenza i-aphoyintimenti kunye ne-GP yabo inokuba luncedo xa banqikaza ukuthetha ekhaya.
Ngaphantsi xa uNyana okanye intombi yakho ixhatshazwa ngumqeqeshi
Kubalulekile ukuba umzali agcine amehlo akhe evulekile ukuxhatshazwa ngabaqeqeshi babo oonyana kunye neentombi. Kwezinye iimeko, kunokuba nzima ukubandlulula phakathi komqeqeshi onzima (lowo unomdla wokucinga ngomntanakho) kunye nomqeqeshi wokuxhaphaza. Ngokudabukisayo, abaqeqeshi bokuxhaphaza baqheleke kakhulu, kwaye bengenawo amehlo avulekile, banokuphelelwa lula.
Qinisekisa ukuba uyaqhelana nemiqondiso yokuxhatshazwa ngabaqeqeshi nabanye abantu abadala. Fundisa umntwana wakho ukuba aqonde ezi zinto. Okubaluleke kakhulu, phulaphula umntanakho ukuba ukhononda malunga nomqeqeshi, nokuba ucinga ukuba yinto nje yomdlalo. Kunenzima kakhulu kubantwana ukukhupha le micimbi, kwaye ukuba umntwana wakho unayo, kuyinto yokujonga ngokukhawuleza.
Ukuba ufumene umqeqeshi wokuxhaphaza, cinga ngokukhetha kwakho ngokucophelela. Unganqikaza ukwenza amaza, kodwa uqaphelisise iziphumo zokujongana nengxaki ehambelana nengxaki yakho yentsapho yangempela; umntwana wakho unokuphelelwa ngumdla kwimidlalo ayenayo.
Yenza uphando oluncinane. Ukuba ezinye iintsapho zinenkxalabo efana nayo yonke into engcono. Nangona kunjalo, nokuba ngaba nguwe kuphela, ukumelana nomntwana wakho akuyikuvumela kuphela umntwana wakho ukuba abazali bakhe baya kumbethela kodwa bangabanceda abanye abantwana ukuba bahlukunyezwe ngendlela efanayo. Khumbula ukuba ukuphathwa kakubi ngokwengqondo nangokwemvakalelo kuyingozi nje ukuphathwa kakubi ngokomzimba, kwaye ngezinye iindlela kunzima kakhulu. Iingqungquthela kunye namathambo aphukileyo aphilisa, kodwa ingqondo yengane ingathatha iminyaka okanye amashumi eminyaka ukwenza okufanayo. Njengengxelo yokugqibela, thatha isikhashana ufunde ngeendlela zokuthintela ukuxhatshazwa kungakhathaliseki ukuba kusetyenziswa ntoni.
> Imithombo:
> Kliegman, uRobert M., uBonita Stanton, uSt Geme III uJoseph W., uNine Felice. Schor, uRichard E. Behrman, kunye noWaldo E. Nelson. Ncwadana yeeNzululwazi. 20 Edition. Philadelphia, PA: Elsevier, 2015. Print.
> Umbutho weSizwe wezeMidlalo yoLutsha. Ingaba Umqeqeshi Womntwana Wakho Uthukuthela? http://www.nays.org/sklive/features/is-your-child-s-coach-a-bully/
> Scott, E., Dale, J., uRussell, R., noDolke. Abantu Abaselula Abaxhatshazwayo-Ngaba Abafuna Ukuqhelana Nesekelo? . I-BMC Family Practice . 2016. 17 (1): 11.