Ukwazi ukuba yeyiphi isitayela somzali owela kuso kwaye kutheni
Uhlobo luni lomzali? Yiyiphi na ongayichaza ngokucacileyo isitayela sakho somzali - umntu ofuna nokulawula; umntu ofudumeleyo kwaye ophendulayo; okanye umntu oqhuba abantwana bakhe kwaye akafane Njengoko kwimeko yeGoldilocks kunye neZiThabhu ezintathu, enye yale ndlela ilula ngakumbi kunezinye.
Iintlobo ezine zohlobo lwabazali
Ngama-1960, isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo uDiana Baumrind wabhala iphepha eliphambukayo elisekelwe kuphando lwakhe apho echaza iinkalo ezintathu zeendlela zokubeletha azibonayo: onobunyani, ovumelekileyo, kunye nolawulo olusemthethweni.
Abazali Abazali
Abazali abawela phantsi kwesi sikhokelo sohlobo lomzali bafuna ukuthobela ngokupheleleyo kubantwana babo, akukho i-ifs, ne-ors. Abazali abenza umzali onobukholwanisi abakakholelwa ukuba kufuneka bachaze nayiphi na imigaqo ebebeyibeke yona, kwaye balindele ukuba abantwana bayithobele, akukho mbuzo eceliwe. Benza ukuthanda kwabo kubantwana babo baze bajezise ngokufudumala okanye inkxaso. Abantwana babazali bobuqhetseba bahlala bebonisa ukuzithoba , ukuxinezeleka, kunye nokwesaba kweemeko ezintsha.
Umzali oVumelayo
Abazali abenza umzali ovumelekileyo ababavumeli ukuba baqeqeshe okanye benze imigaqo; abafuni ukuphikisana nabantwana babo bakholelwa ukuba abantwana bafanele baziphathe ngokwabo. Ziyakhupheka kwaye ziphendula ngokomoya kubantwana babo, okulungileyo; kodwa banqwenela ukusetha imida okanye ukulawula ukuziphatha kwezingane zabo, oko akunjalo. Banikezela kwiimfuno zabo zezingane kwaye bazinyamezele ukungaziphathi kakuhle, ezinokuba nemiphumo emibi kubantwana.
Uphando luye lwabonisa ukuba abantwana abakhuliswa ngabazali abavumelekile bayangenangqondo, bengayithobeli imithetho kunye nemingcele, banamathuba amaninzi okwexinzelelo kunye nomngcipheko ophezulu wokusetyenziswa kakubi ngokweziyobisi njengoko bekhula, kwaye banokuba nengozi enkulu yokudakumba nokuxhalabisa . (Kunengqiqo - xa abantwana benganikezwa umda kwaye bazive ngathi balawulwa ngabazali babo, kunokuba yinto eyoyikisayo kunye nexinzelelo kubo; yile nto ke abantwana bafuna imida kunye nemithetho.)
Umzali oQinisekayo
Le ndlela yokuba ngumzali "ayiyitshisi kakhulu, ayiyi kubanda kakhulu" iphariji yeendlela zokuba ngumzali. Unemilinganiselo yokukhulisa abazali (abazali babeka imigaqo kunye nemida, bagxininise imigaqo, kwaye banike imiphumo yezingane xa bengayilandeli) kodwa abazali abagunyazayo bayasabela ngokomoya kwaye bafudumele baze baphulaphule baze bathethe nabantwana babo. Abazali abagunyazayo banikela inhlonipho yabantwana baze baphulaphule (kwaye balindele ukuba abantwana benze okufanayo) kwaye bakhuthaze abantwana ukuba babe ngabacingeli abazimele, kodwa abavumelani nabantwana kwaye balindele ukusebenzisana nokuziphatha kakuhle. Xa abantwana benza into engalunganga, abazali abagunyazayo baya kuqeqesha ngokuzama ukukhokela nokufundisa abantwana babo, nokuguqula oko bakulindele kwiintsapho kuxhomekeke kwimeko kunye neemfuno zomntwana ngamnye. Le ndlela yokwenza umzali iboniswe ekukhokelweni kwiziphumo ezingcono kwiintwana, kubandakanywa impilo engcono yempilo, izakhono zentlalo, ukuzinza ngakumbi, kunye nokuqhotyoshelana okukhuselekileyo kunye nabazali babo. (Izinzuzo ezingaphezulu zobazali abagunyazisiweyo zichazwe ngezantsi.)
Umzali ongenakuvuswa
Indlela yesine, echazwe ngabaphandi uEleanor Maccoby noJohn Martin, ichaza indlela yokukhulisa abazali, ukungabikho kokubandakanyeka kwimpilo yabantwana babo, ukufudumala okuncinci kunye nokuphendula kwiimfuno zeemvakalelo zabantwana, kunye nokunganeliseki okanye ukungaboni kakuhle ukuqeqesha abantwana okanye ukuwongamela.
Umzali ongenakuthululwa unxulumene neziphumo ezibi kunazo zonke kubantwana: Abantwana abakhuliswa ngale ndlela yokukhulisa abazali bahlala bekhutshwa ngokwemvakalelo, bexhala kwaye banokubeka ingozi enkulu yokuziphatha kakubi kunye nokusetyenziswa kakubi kweziyobisi.
Izinzuzo zokukhuliswa ngumzali ogunyazisiweyo - Kutheni lo msebenzi wesisu usebenza
Kuzo zonke izitayela zokubeletha, abantwana abakhuliswa ngesitayela sokubaluleka kwabazali baye baboniswa ukubonisa iziphumo ezilungileyo. Ezinye zeenzuzo ezininzi kule ndlela kubantwana ziquka ezi zilandelayo:
- Baba nexanduva ngakumbi, banako ukuzilawula, kwaye bafunda ukwenza izigqibo ezilungileyo ngokwabo.
- Bahlonipha abantu abadala, abanye abantu kunye nemithetho.
- Abaxhalabele okanye bakhathazeke ngaba ngubani ophetheyo ngoba bayazi ukuba ngubani owenza izigqibo ukuqinisekisa ukuba uphilile kwaye uyonwabile: umama nobaba.
- Banobubele , bubele , kwaye bufudumele.
- Bavame ukuba neengxaki zentlalo zincinci kunye noontanga, badibana kunye nootitshala, kwaye bavelele kakhulu esikolweni.
- Bavame ukufumana unxibelelwano olukhuselekileyo kunye nobudlelwane obuhle nabazali babo.
- Basenokumelana nokunyanzeliswa koontanga.