Ngaba Kukhona Omnye Umbane? Iimpawu zokujonga

Ukuqonda iingxaki zokuLawula abantu abaTyhefu sebenzisa ukuLawula

Kwimifanekiso ye-1940 ebizwa ngokuba yi- Gaslight , indoda ekhohlisayo iyazama ukwenza umfazi wakhe acinge ukuba ulahlekelwa yingqondo yakhe ngokutshintsha izinto ezithe ngqo kwindawo yakhe, kubandakanywa ngokukhawuleza kwaye ngokukhawuleza ukucima ilangabi kwisibane segesi. Akayikuphazamisa kuphela indawo yakhe kwaye amenze akholwe ukuba uyangcola, kodwa uyaphinda ayisebenzise kakubi kwaye ayilawule, ayinqumle kwiintsapho kunye nabahlobo.

Ngenxa yoko, umfazi uhlala eqikelela ukuba yena ngokwakhe, iimvakalelo zakhe, iingcamango zakhe, kunye nezikhumbuzo zakhe. Ukongezelela, uvakalelwa kukuba unomdla, unobulunga obuthathaka kunye nolawulo lwangaphandle, olujoliswe ekukhanyeni-ukushiya iinjongo zokuziva u-kilter kunye nokungaqiniseki ukuba yinyani na into engekho.

Ngenxa yokuba ifilimu yayibonakaliso oluchanekileyo lwezenzo ezilawulwayo kunye neetyhefu ezisebenzisayo abantu, iingcali zengqondo kunye nabacebisi baqalisa ukubeka uphawu lolo hlobo lokukhanyela ngokunyaniseka.

Yintoni i-Gaslighting?

Ukukhanya kweGesi kuyindlela yokuxhaphaza eyenzekayo ubudlelwane obuhlukumezayo . Kukhohlakele, kwaye ngamanye amaxesha, uhlobo lokuhlukumeza ngokomzwelo apho umxhaphazi okanye umxhaphazi wenza umbuzo ojoliswe kuwo umgwebo kunye nenyaniso. Ekugqibeleni, ixhoba lokukhanyisa liqala ukuzibuza ukuba lihamba njani.

Ngoxa ukukhanya kubonakala ngokuphandle kunye nolwalamano oluqhelekileyo, akuqhelekanga ukuba kufikelele ekulawuleni ubuhlobo okanye phakathi kwamalungu entsapho.

Abantu abanetyhefu basebenzisa lolu hlobo lokuxhaphaza ukuba benze amandla phezu kwabanye ukuze baxhase abahlobo, amalungu omndeni, ngamanye amaxesha nabasebenzi abasebenzisana nabo. Ngenxa yoko, kubalulekile ukuqaphela amaqhinga okukhanyisa kunye nemiqondiso yokuba ulixhoba lokukhanya.

Ziziphi iiTactics ezisetyenziselwa ukuGesi?

Ukukhanya kweGesi kuyindlela eyenza ukuphazamisa yonke imbono yakho.

Xa umntu ekukhanyisa, uhlala uqiqa, zakho iimvakalelo kunye nemibono yakho. Uninzi lwexesha emva kokuthetha nomntu ekukhanyeni, ushiywe uzive udidekile, udidekile, kwaye uzibuza into engalunganga kuwe. Nazi ezinye zeendlela ezizisebenzisayo zokukudibanisa kwaye zenze ukuba ubuze ubunqunu bakho:

• Uxoxe kuwe: Abantu ababandakanyeka ekukhanyeni ukuxhamla kwabo bangamanga. Baya kulala ngokugqithiseleyo ebusweni bakho kwaye bangaze baphinduke phantsi okanye batshintshe amabali abo nangona ubabizela ngaphandle okanye banikezele ubungqina bokukhohlisa kwabo. Ukuqamba ngamatye kuyigumbi lembombo lokuziphatha kwabo. Kwaye nangona uyazi ukuba baqamba amanga, banokuqiniseka. Ekugqibeleni, uqala ukuya kwesibini ukuqiqa.
• Ukukwazisa abanye. Ngamanye amazwi, umbane usasaza amahlebezi kunye nokuhleba ngawe kwabanye. Basenokuzenza bazixhalabele ngawe kunye "nendlela oziphatha ngayo" ngelixa uxelela abanye ngokucacileyo ukuba ubonakala unengqondo. Ngelishwa, eli qhinga linokusebenza ngokugqithiseleyo kwaye abantu abaninzi banokubambisana nomxhaphazi okanye umxhaphazi bengayazi ibali elipheleleyo. Ukongezelela, umnqweno ungathetha kuwe kwaye akuxelele ukuba abanye abantu bacinga ukuba uyaphambuka. Gcinani engqondweni, ukuba aba bantu bangalokothi bathethe into embi ngawe, kodwa i-gaslighter iya kwenza zonke iinzame zokukukholelwa ukuba zenza.

• Uchaza isihloko esesandleni. Xa ucela umgca umbuzo okanye ubabizela into abenzileyo okanye bathi, bangashintsha isihloko ngokubuza umbuzo endaweni yokuphendula kumbandela okhoyo. Okanye, banokuthetha ngokuqhaqhaqhazelayo malunga neemeko ngokuthi: "Uya kwenza izinto." Akuzange kwenzeke. "
• Nciphise iingcinga okanye iimvakalelo zakho . Ngokuzihlalutya iingcamango zakho neemvakalelo zakho, umbane uyakwazi ukufumana amandla phezu kwakho. Bangazenza izitenje ezinjengezi: "Hlala phantsi," "Uyakhathazeka," okanye "Kutheni ukhululekile kangaka?" Zonke ezi ngxelo zinciphisa indlela ozivakalelwa ngayo okanye oko ucingayo kunye nokuthetha ukuba uyiphutha. Xa ujongana nomntu ongaze avume iingcinga zakho, iimvakalelo zakho okanye zakho iinkolelo, uya kuqala ukuzibuza. Ngaphezu koko, awuzange uzive uvumelekile okanye uqondwe oko kunokuba nzima kakhulu ukuhlangabezana nayo.

• Shift ityala kuwe . Ukutshintshwa kwe-blame kuyindlela eqhelekileyo eyenza isetyenziswe. Yonke ingxoxo enayo iphosakele ukuya apho ubeka khona ityala into eyenzekayo. Nangona uzama ukuxoxa ngendlela ukuziphatha kwabo kukukwenza ngayo, bayakwazi ukuphikisa incoko baze baphelise ukugxeka. Ngamanye amagama, ayenzela imeko ngendlela enokuthi uphelelwe ukuba ukholwa yindlela yokuziphatha kakubi. Bathi ukuba kuphela uziphatha ngendlela eyahlukileyo, abanakukuphatha ngendlela abayenzayo.
• Bhala nayiphi na into ephosakeleyo . Abaxhaphazi kunye nabaxhaphazi baqhankqalaza ngokukhanyela ukuba benze into engalunganga. Bakwenza oku ukuze bagweme ukuthatha uxanduva lokukhetha kwabo. Kodwa kushiya ixhoba lokukhanya lididekile kwaye likhungatheke ngenxa yokuba akukho nto iyavuma ukuba intlungu ayibangele. Oku kunenza kube nzima ukuba ixhoba liqhubeke okanye liphilise ukuxhatshazwa okanye ukunyelisa.
• Sebenzisa amagama anomfesane njengesikhali . Ngamanye amaxesha xa ubizwa okanye uphendululwa, umbane uzakusebenzisa amagama anomusa kunye nothando ukuzama ukulungelelanisa imeko. Ngamanye amazwi, bangathi into efana ne "Uyazi ukuba ndiyakuthanda kangakanani. Andiyi kukulimaza ngenjongo." La mazwi kunye nokuxolisa yinto ofuna ukuyiva kodwa ayinyani, ingakumbi ukuba ukuziphatha okufanayo kuphindaphindiwe ngokuphindaphindiweyo. Xa usebenzisana nomntu osebenzisa ukukhanya kwegesi njengethuluzi lokuxhaphaza, kufuneka uhlawule ngokukhawuleza kwizenzo kwaye kungekhona amagama. Ngaba lo mntu uthanda ngokwenene okanye uthetha izinto zothando?
• Phinda uphinde uxoxe kwakhona . Ngokuqhelekileyo, eli qhinga lisetyenziswe xa uxoxela into eyenzeka ngaphambili. Ngokomzekelo, ukuba iqabane lakho likunxubile eludongeni kwaye uxubusha ngexesha elizayo, banokuphikisa ibali ekuthandeni kwabo. Unokuthi wayengakhange aguqulule, ukuba ukhube kuye kwaye wazama ukunyanzela ukuba oko kukubangela ukuba uwele eludongeni. Xa amabali kunye neengqondo zihlala ziphinde zithandwa, unokuqala ukungaqiniseki ngenguqu yakho yezinto, nto leyo eyona njongo.

Izibonakaliso Wena Uxhatshazwa kweGesi

Ukukhanya kweGesi kuyingozi kulabo abasecaleni lokufumana ngenxa yezizathu ezininzi. Ngokomzekelo, kunokubangela ukuxhalabisa nokuxinezeleka. Kuye kwadibaniswa nokuhlaselwa kwesoyiki kunye nokuphazamiseka kwemihlaba. Ngenxa yoko, kubaluleke kakhulu ukuba uqaphele xa ukhanyiswa. Indlela eyona ndlela yokugqiba ukuba ngaba ujongene nale fomu yokubambisa kukuzibuza ukuba ngaba nayiphi na inkcazo elandelayo iyinyaniso ngobomi bakho:

1. Ufumana ukungaqiniseki iimvakalelo zakho okanye uvakalelo lwenu, kwaye uzama ukuziqinisekisa ukuba unyango olufumeneyo alubi okanye lube lukhuni.
2. Unokungabaza umgwebo wakho, imbono, inyaniso kunye / okanye amandla. Ngenxa yoko, uyika "ukuthetha" okanye ukubonisa iimvakalelo zakho. Ufumene ukuba ukwabelana ngombono wakho ngokuqhelekileyo kukukwenza uzive ukhulu ngakumbi ekupheleni. Ngoko ke, uhlala uthula.
3. Uziva unobungozi kwaye ungakhuselekanga. Ngenxa yoko, usoloko uziva ngathi "uhamba ngee-eggshell" malunga nomlingane wakho / umhlobo / ilungu lentsapho. Uziva unqamle kwaye ungabi nantoni.
4. Uziva uzibambelele, wedwa kwaye unamandla. Kwaye uqinisekile ukuba wonke umntu ojikelezayo ucinga ukuba awuziwayo, uhlaziyi okanye unganamathele njengowomlingani wakho / ilungu lomhlobo / losapho uthi wena.
5. Amazwi omlingane wakho / umhlobo / ilungu lentsapho yenza ukuba uzive ulahlekile, uyisicwenge, udibanisa okanye awufaneleki. Ngamanye amaxesha ufumanisa ukuba uphinda ukuphinda le ngxelo.
6. Udidekile ukuba ungubani. Ngokomzekelo, uvakalelwa kukuba unobuthakathaka kwaye ungaziqhelanga kwaye usebenzise ukuqina kunye nokunyaniseka kwixesha elidlulileyo.
7. Umlingani wakho / umhlobo / umhlobo wentsapho uziphatha kakubi-kunye nezenzo ezibonakala ngathi njengoDkt Jekyll noMnu Hyde.
8. Umlingani wakho / umhlobo / ilungu lentsapho linciphisa ukuziphatha okulimazayo okanye amagama ngokuthetha into efana nale: "Ndandidla ngokukhawuleza" okanye "Unyanzelekile." Nangona bebehlekisayo , kusadingeka ukuba kuvunywe.
9. Uziva ngathi into eyoyikisayo iya kwenzeka xa ujikeleze iqabane lakho / umhlobo / ilungu lentsapho. Oku kungabandakanya ukuziva kusongelwa kwaye uphezulu kodwa awukwazi ukuba kutheni.
10. Uziva unesidingo sokuxolisa lonke ixesha malunga nento oyenzayo okanye ukuba ungubani.
11. Uvakalelwa kukuba awunakho "okwaneleyo." Ngenxa yoko, uzama ukuphila ngokulindelayo kunye neemfuno zabanye, nokuba ngaba bengenangqiqo.
12. Uhlala uqiqa ukukhumbula kwakho iimpawu zakho kwaye uzibuze ukuba ukhumbula ngokuchanekileyo iinkcukacha zeemeko ezidlulileyo. Kusenokwenzeka ukuba uye wayeka ukuzama ukwabelana ngezinto okhumbulayo ngenxa yokwesaba ukuba akuphosakeleyo.
13. Uxolisa lonke ixesha malunga nento oyenzayo okanye ukuba ungubani, ucinga ukuba abantu badaniwe kuwe okanye ukuba uye wahlaselwa ngandlela-thile.
14. Uyazibuza ukuba kukho into ephosakeleyo kuwe. Ngamanye amazwi, ukhathazeke ukuba unokuba buqilima, unomdla okanye "ulahlekelwe."
15. Ufumanisa nzima ukwenza izigqibo kuba ungazithembi. Kungcono uvumele iqabane lakho / ilungu / umhlobo / ilungu lentsapho lenze izigqibo kuwe okanye liphephe ukwenza zonke izigqibo.

Igama elivela kwi-Verywell

Ukuba unako ukuchonga nayiphi na yale miqondiso yokukhanya, kubalulekile ukuba ufune uncedo lwezakhono ngokukhawuleza. Ugqirha wakho unokuncoma umcebisi oxhotyiswe kukukunceda ukuba usebenze kwaye ujongane nento eyenzekayo kuwe . Okwangoku, khumbula ukuba awuyikusola into ojongene nayo. Umntu okhanyayo ukhetha ukuziphatha ngale ndlela. Umele uxanduva. Awuzange uyicele. Awuzange ubangele. Kwaye awuzange uzenzele yona.

> Umthombo:

> Breines J. "Ndibize Ngamaqhinga: Amandla Obuqhetseba bokukhanya," i- Berkeley Science Review , ngo-Ephreli 16, 2012. http://berkeleysciencereview.com/call-me-crazy-subtle-power-of-gaslighting/