Ngoku, kamva, okanye akakho?
Ubani ubudala obuhle bokuba nomntwana? Umbuzo malunga nantoni na umntu xa eqala ukudala. Impendulo ayiyi kuhluka kuphela kubantu abahlukeneyo, kodwa ingatshintsha ngexesha lobomi bakho.
Kungenzeka ukuba kwiminyaka yakho engamashumi amabini ubudala, ukuba nezingane emva koko uzive ulungile ... kodwa xa ufike kwi-30s yakho yangaphakathi, akaze azive efanelekileyo. Okanye unokwenza isigqibo malunga ne-30 ukuba ngoku lixesha elifanelekileyo, kodwa emva kokufumana ukungabikho , ungapheli kwinqanaba elilandelayo (mhlawumbi ngenxa yokunyulwa kweebhilikhwe zokuphuma kwandla , okanye ukufuna ikhefu ) okanye mhlawumbi (njengoko ufuna ukuvalwa) .
Kukho iimpendulo ezimbalwa ezilula kumbuzo obunzima. Kodwa, sinethemba, izikhokelo ezingezantsi ziya kukunceda ukuba ufumene impendulo engcono kuwe, ngeli xesha ebomini bakho.
Xa Umele Ulindele Ukuba nezingane
Izizathu ezine ezifanelekileyo zokuba nezingane emva koko:
- Awukwazi ukuhlawula iindleko zakho zangoku.
- Ucinga ukuba ukuba nezingane zilungisa okuthile ebomini bakho.
- Awunakuziva ukulungele - nangasiphi na isizathu.
- Awuqinisekanga ngokwenene ukuba ufuna ukufumana abantwana okanye cha.
Wonke umntu unombono ohlukileyo malunga nokuba ukulungelelwa kwemali kubantwana kuthetha ntoni.
Ukuba awukwazi ukufumana iziphumo, kufuneka ukuba nezingane manje ingengcamango efanelekileyo. Ubulumko kakhulu (kwaye kulula) ukufumana imeko yakho yezemali kwaye wenze utshintsho (nokuba ufumana umsebenzi omtsha, okanye uhamba endaweni engabizi kangako) ngaphambi kokuba ulethe encinane emfanekisweni.
Kwakhona kunokwenzeka ukuba imeko yakho yezemali izakutshintsha phakathi kwexesha elizama ukukhulelwa. Ngenxa yeendleko zonyango oluthile lokuzala , kunokuthi kwenzeke ukuba intsapho ekhuselekile ngokwezimali xa iqala ukuzama ukukhulelwa ingawa phantsi kwimeko apho ingahlawulwanga ngokukhawuleza iindleko.
Oku kunokuba buhlungu, kwaye unqwenela ukuqhubeka uzama, nangona ungeke ukwazi ukufikelela kwimigangatho, unokuba namandla kakhulu. Nangona kunjalo, ukuba ungathatha isinyathelo emva kwaye uzinzile imeko yakho yezemali phambi kokuba uphishekele unyango olungaphezulu, yenza njalo.
Ukugqiba ekubeni nezingane namhlanje
Izizathu ezintathu eziphambili zokuba nezingane ngoku zi:
- Uyazi ukuba ufuna ukuba nezingane, NA
- Unendlela yokunyamekela abantwana, NO
- Uziva uzilungele.
Ukucinga ukuba zezi zizathu zilandelayo zilandelayo zidibene, ezinye izizathu zokuba nezingane namhlanje kwaye kungekudala zibandakanya:
- Uyazi ukuba ufuna indlu enkulu.
Ukuba sele usasazi ukuba ufuna indlu enkulu, qalisa kungekudala emva kwexesha.
Usenokufuna ukuhlala phantsi kunye nephepha kunye nephepha ukuze ufunde malunga nokuba uneminyaka engakanani ubudala oya kuba yintsana nganye. Oku kunokukunceda ucwangcise bhetele. Ukucinga ukuba awukwazi ukuba nemiba yokuzala, ungacinga ukuba kuya kuthatha malunga neenyanga ezintandathu ukukhulelwa kwintsana nganye, uze uvumele iinyanga ezilishumi ukukhulelwa. Emva koko, qwalasela indlela ekude ufune ngayo ukubeka abantwana bakho.
Khumbula ukuba njengoko ukhula, kunokuthatha ixesha elide ukuba ukhulelwe. Ngoko emva koko uqala, ngaphezulu kwithuba othabathayo lokuba awuyi kuba nezingane ezininzi njengoko uthembele kuzo.
- Wena okanye wakho umlingani usondele 35 (okanye sele sele ufikelele kwi-30s-late to 30s).
Ukuba uyazi ukuba ufuna ukuba nezingane "ngolunye usuku", kodwa uqhubeka ubuza ngexesha elifanelekileyo, unokuba unqwenela ukugqiba ukwenza ixesha ngoku ukuba uneminyaka engama-35 okanye ngaphezulu. Oku kuba kuba nzima ukukhulelwa emva kweminyaka engama-35, kwaye ingozi yakho yokufumana intsholongwane iya kunyuka.
Akufanele usebenzise ukunyuka kokuzala kwakho njengesizathu sokuba nezingane ukuba awulungele ngempela. Kodwa, ukuba unemali ekhuselekile kunye nendawo ezinzileyo ebomini bakho, kwaye uyazi ukuba ufuna ukuba nezingane, iwashi lakho lezinto eziphilayo liyisizathu esihle sokuqala ukuzama ngoku kwaye ungalinda ixesha elide.
- Izinto ezi-7 ofuna ukuzazi malunga nokukhulelwa emva kwama-35
- Kutheni Uqala Ukukhulelwa Emva kweminyaka engu-35 nzima?
Ukwenza isigqibo sokuba ungaze ube nabantwana
Izizathu ezintathu ezifanelekileyo zokuthatha isigqibo sokuba ungaba nabantwana zibandakanya ...
- Awufuni abantwana. Okanye awuthandi abantwana.
- Unqwenela ukuba unabantwana, kodwa ubomi bakho abubonelelanga iimeko ezilungileyo zokuba nazo.
- Ufuna abantwana, kodwa ugqibe ukuyeka ukulandela umzali, nangaliphi na isizathu sezizathu.
Kubonakala kucacile, akunjalo? Ngaphandle kohlobo lwayo alukho.
Kukho abantu abaninzi ngaphandle abafuni abantwana kodwa banako. (Ngokwenene. Asikhulumi ngokukhulelwa ngengozi apha.)
Abafuni abantwana, kwaye banandipha ubomi babo obungabantwana, kodwa ...
- Banezo nje ukuze 'bangazisoli' bengenabantwana kamva ... nangona bevalo xa becinga ukuba nezingane. Isizathu sokuthi awuyi kuva (umhle) umzali uthi bayazisola kuba abantwana kuba bathanda abantwana abanabo. Oko akuthethi kuthi ke, ukuba babeya kuba bazisola ngokungabi nabantwana ukuba babengenabo.
- Banezingane kuba abazali babo bafuna abazukulwana. Awunyanzelekile ukuba "unike" abazali bakho abazukulu, kungakhathaliseki ukuba babe netyala elingakanani kuwe. (Ndiyaxolisa kubo bonke abafuna ukuba nootatomkhulu!)
- Unabantwana ngenxa yokuba "yiloo nto ufanele uyenze." Uluntu lwethu luye lwaba lude, kodwa kusekho uxinzelelo olukhulu kwiibhangqwana ukuba zibe nezingane.
Emva koko, kukho abo bafuna abantwana kodwa bazifumana bengalindelekanga kwi-camp.
Mhlawumbi banesimo sengonyango esenza ukuba babe nobunzima kubantwana, kubo okanye abantwana babo.
Mhlawumbi umsebenzi abawunyulileyo awunamathele ngokuba nezingane zabo, okanye bayavuya xa benjengomakhulukazi okanye umalume kubantwana babo kunye nabantwana bahlobo. Okanye basebenza nabantwana ngezinye iindlela .
Mhlawumbi baye bafumanisa ukuba bangenasifo kwaye banqumle ukuba bangaphumelelanga unyango okanye ukwamkelwa.
Okanye mhlawumbi baye bachitha iminyaka bezama ukuba umntwana angaphumeleli, kwaye utshiswe ngokupheleleyo ngamava.
Kodwa kutheni ungatsho kwaye ungabi ngasemva ? Okanye mhlawumbi ?
Umbuzo omhle.
Isizathu esiyinhloko kukunika ingqiqo yokuvalwa.
Ngethuba nje uqhubeka uzama, okanye nje ngokuba uvula ithuba lokuba neengqondo engqondweni yakho, kunzima ukukwenza utshintsho olungalindelekanga kwizicwangciso zakho zobomi. Ukuba unabantwana into owake wathanda kakhulu, awuyi kukwazi ukulila ngokukhawuleza ukulahlekelwa ukuba awuyi kuthatha isigqibo. Awukwazi ukulila.
Uyakuvame ukuva abantu bethi, "Musa ukuyeka!" Okanye, "Ungalokothi utsho!" Kodwa ngamanye amaxesha uthetha ngokwaneleyo yinto enokuyenza yintlalo yakho.
Akushiyi. "Akulahlekelwa yithemba." Ukukhetha ukuhlala ubomi bakho kwaye uqhubeke. Ukukhetha ubomi obungabonwanga ngabantwana kukukhetha .
Umthombo:
Lindsey Daniels, Psy. D. Udliwano lwentoni. Matshi 26, 2014.