Ukukhetha (okanye Ukufunda Ukwamkela) Isimo Sakho
Ukuphila okungenamntwana emva kokusweleka kukukhetha abanye amadoda nabasetyhini abakhethayo, kwaye abanye mabaze bamkele. Okwangokunje, unokubona ukuhlala ungenaye umntwana njengengxaki "eyona nto." Kodwa ingaba isisombululo sokuxhobisa imeko ephazamisayo .
Kuthetha ukuthini ukuhlala ngaphandle komntwana emva kokusweleka? Umntu uza njani kwesi sigqibo? Ngaba ukhetha ubomi obungenamntwana emva kokusweleka "ukuyeka"?
Ngubani igama elifanelekileyo malunga nale meko?
Kukhona ukungavumelani nento yokubiza ubomi ngaphandle kwabantwana emva kokusweleka. Ngaba awunabantwana okanye ungenamntwana? Ngaba awunabantwana ngokuzikhethela okanye umntwana ongakhethiyo ngokukhetha? (Ukungafaki umntwana ngokukhethiweyo kutyunjwe njengeCFNBC kwiifom ze-intanethi.)
Abanye bacinga ukuba i-childfree yegama ayibonakali intlungu yomzwelo eya kubakho kule nkalo yobomi. Izinganefree, zitshilo, zenzelwe abo baneneni bakhetha ukuba bangenazo abantwana kwasekuqaleni . Abantwana abangenabantwana lixesha kulabo bafuna abantwana kodwa bengenako.
Ngakolunye uhlangothi, abanye banomuvo wokuba i-termless child is negative, ukuba ayibonakali ngokwaneleyo ubomi obonwabileyo okwangoku bahlala kuyo, nokuba ngaba behlala ngaphandle kwabantwana akuyiyo iSicwangciso sabo A.
Ungayibiza nayiphi na into oyifunayo; akukho mpendulo echanekileyo okanye engalunganga.
Kuthetha ukuthini ukukhetha (okanye Yamkela) Ubomi obungabantwana emva kokungenzi lutho?
Xa umntu esithi bangabantwana abangenasifo emva kokungabikho, bathetha ukuba bona
- Akunabantwana ngaphambi kokuba bahlangane nabantwana
- Akusayi kuphinda iphandle nayiphi na imithi yokwelapha
- Abacwangcanga ukuba bamkele okanye babe ngumzali okhulayo
- Aziyi kuqhubeka nokuzama ukukhulelwa ngokwemvelo
Kukho ingxoxo malunga nelo nqaku lokugqibela, njengoko ezinye izibini ziza kuthatha isigqibo sokuba "ungazami kodwa ungazithinteli." Ngamanye amazwi, abazisebenzisanga unyango lwezityalo, kwaye abahambelani ngokunyanisekileyo imijikelezo yabo kunye nokuzama khulelwa.
Kodwa nabo abayisebenzisi nayiphi na uhlobo lokulawula ukuzalwa . (Le nto ibonisa ukuba ayenjalo, eqinisweni, ayinyumba kwaye ayikwazi ukukhulelwa ngaphandle kwonyango.)
Enye yemingeni emikhulu yale ndlela ayivumeli ukuqaliswa kokulila ukuqala nokuphela. Usenokufumana ucinga ngokukhulelwa, kwaye uzive udidekile xa ixesha lakho lifika nyanga zonke, nokuba ungekho "ngokuzama" ukuzama.
Ukungabikho kokuzama ukuthintela kungabangela isigaba sokutshintshela izibini ezihambela kwisigqibo sokuba singabantwana emva kokusweleka. Abanye bangahlala kweli nqanaba ngonaphakade.
Ukuba ucinga ukungazami kodwa ungayithinteli, hlawula ingqalelo ukuba ingaba uxinezele ngakumbi ubomi bakho okanye kukuthintele ukuba uhambe. Ngelixa unokuziva ungaqhelekanga ukuba uhambe ngokulawulwa kokuzalwa emva kokusweleka, kunokukhulula kwaye kukunikeze indawo kunye nokuvalwa.
Isigqibo sokuba singabikho
Ukukhetha ubomi obungenamntwana emva kokusweleka kuthetha ukuthintela ukuthobela umntwana. Kwabanye, oku akukhethiyo; yinyani. Ukwamukelwa kunokuba kubiza, kukho inkqubo yokwamkelwa, kwaye akuyona into enokubaluleka kuyo bonke abantu.
Kwabanye, ukungamkeli kukukhetha. Baneemali kwaye mhlawumbi bangafumana imvume, kodwa baye bagqiba ekubeni ukutholwa kwabantwana kungekhona kubo.
Kukho iqela lesithathu: izibini ezizama ukuzisebenzisa kwaye aziphumelelanga, okanye zigqiba kwinqanaba elithile kwinkqubo yokuyeka ukuyiqhuba.
Ukwamukelwa kunokuba yintliziyo enyantya nje ngokuba unyango lwezityalo , njengoko ukuthotyelwa kwamandla angakwazi ukuwela. Akuqhelekanga kubazali abaza kuba nethemba lokuba umntwana ufumaneke, balungiselele loo mntwana, kwaye ekugqibeleni, ukuwamkelwa akunakwenzeka okanye akunakwenzeka.
"Kutheni ungayithobeli? Labo abangenabantwana emva kokusweleka bangayiva ngathi, "Kutheni ungazange uvele nje?"
Akukho nto iphosakeleyo ekunqumeni ukungamkeli.
Ukwamukelwa akusiyo isinyathelo esilandelayo emva kwesifo sokuxilonga okanye ukungaphumeleli unyango. Ukwamukelwa akusiyo "isicwangciso sokubuyisela" sokuba nabantwana. Ukunyanga ukutholwa komntwana njengesicwangciso sokubuyisela kukungabi nantlonelo kubantwana abamkelweyo. (Ngaba sitsho ukuba bayabantwana abakhethayo okwesibini? Akunjalo.)
Ukubuza abantu ukuba kutheni "bengayithobeli" nabo bayayigxina imingeni ekhethekileyo kunye nemivuzo yokukhulisa abazali. Abantwana abaninzi abaye bamkelwa bafumana uxinzelelo kwiminyaka yabo yokuqala okanye bajamelana nemibandela yokudibanisa okanye yokushiya imiba. Abanye bazalwa banomlutha kwiziyobisi, bazalwa ngaphambi kwesikhathi, okanye banezinye iingxaki zomzimba okanye zokufunda. Abantwana banokukunqoba le mingeni, kodwa umzali owamkelayo kufuneka alungiselele ukunceda umntwana ngalo. Akuyena wonke umntu ofuna okanye unako ukubonelela ngenkxaso.
Kusemthethweni ukuba ungafuni ukuwamkela ngenxa yokuba ufuna ukuba nabantwana kuphela xa beza kufana nomzimba okanye umlingane wakho, okanye ukuba uthathe ukukhulelwa. Akukho nto ingqonge ngayo loo mnqweno.
Ngundoqo: akukho mntu unokuvakalelwa ukuba "kufuneka" avume ukuba abanako ukukhulelwa ngokwemvelo okanye ngokunyanga. Ukwamukelwa yiyakhe isigqibo.
Kuphi Isigqibo Sokuhlala Kwi-Childfree Occur?
Iphi ixesha elingenayo umntwana emva kokungabikho kobubele? Kuhluke kuwo wonke umntu.
Abanye banokufikelela kwisigqibo emva kweminyaka yokuphulukana kokunyanga. Basenokugqiba ekubeni bangabikho abantwana emva komjikelezo wabo wesithathu okanye wesithandathu we-IVF.
Abanye bangenza isigqibo ngaphambi kokuba baqale ukuzama ukukhulelwa. Ngelixa amadoda amaninzi nabasetyhini bafumanisa ukuba bengenasifo emva kokuba baqala ukuzama ukuba neentsapho, abanye bafumaneka ukuba baneengxaki zokuzala ngaphambi kokuba bazimisele ukuqala intsapho. Baya kwenza isigqibo sokuba bangabikho abantwana ngoko.
Iyiphi inqaku "elaneleyo"? Oku akuyona into elula ukucinga ngayo, kodwa zonke iibini ezithatha ukungabikho kwengqondo kufuneka ziqwalasele-nangaphambi kokuba ziqale unyango. Nangona kamva, batshintsha iingqondo zabo malunga nendawo "yokuphela".
Ungayifumanisa njani iNgxelo yakho "eyaneleyo"?
Kwakhona, esi sigqibo somntu uya kuyenza. Akukho zimpendulo ezichanekileyo okanye ezingalunganga.
Nazi ezinye "umgca kwintlabathi" imizekelo:
Ukugqiba umda wexesha lokumisela
Unokugqiba isigqibo sokuba uzimisele ukuzama ukukhulelwa ixesha elithile, kwaye emva kokuba ixesha liphakanyisiwe, uyayeka ukuzama. Unokugqiba isigqibo seminyaka emibini ngokwaneleyo; unako ukugqiba iminyaka elishumi elaneleyo.
Ukufikelela kwiminyaka ethile
Le minyaka ingaba yi-28, 30, 35, okanye 48.
Ukufikelela kumda othile wokujikeleza
Unokugqiba isigqibo sokuba uzimisele ukuzama imijikelezo emine ye-IUI . Okwesithathu nje kuphela. Ngamanye amaxesha, le mijelo yomjikelo yenziwa ngugqirha wakho, kodwa kunokwenzeka nokuba kufuneka wenze isigqibo malunga nokuba unqume ukuzama.
Isigqibo sokungaqhubekiyo (okanye nayiphi na) unyango lokuzala
Unokugqiba isigqibo sokuba awuzimisele ukuzama nayiphi na imithi yokwelapha . Okanye, unokwenza isigqibo sokuba awufuni ukulandela unyango oluthile.
Isigqibo sokuba ungazami unyango ngeempembelelo eziphantsi zokuphumelela
Ziziphi iingxaki eziphantsi? Oku kuyingxenye kuwe nakwiqabane lakho. Abanye oogqirha abanakuyilungiselela okanye baphumelele unyango lwenkathalo ukuba iziganeko ziphantsi kakhulu, kodwa ezinye ziya kukuvumela ukuba uzame. Ungadinga ukwenza umnxeba wokugqibela.
Izichaso zokuziphatha okanye zefilosofi kwindlela yokwakha intsapho
Ukusabalalisa , i- IVF , ukuthatha umntwana, ukuthandana , kunye nokusebenzisa amaqanda abanikeli, i-sperm, okanye ama-embry-zonke ezi zinto zingabangela iingxabano zokwakha intsapho. Ukuba ungaziva ukhululekile ngonyango olucebisayo kwimeko yakho, unokwenza isigqibo sokuba uhlale ungenaye umntwana.
Ukufikelela kwiimeko ezithile zemali
Ezinye izibini zinyanzeliswa ukuba ziyeke ukuxilongwa okanye ukuthotyelwa kuba zifikelele kumda wabo wesikweletu . Abanye bakhetha ukungaqhubeki naluphina unyango oluya kubafaka ityala . Kwaye ke, kukho abo bafumana kwindawo ethile phakathi. Basenokungena kwi-matyala angaphezulu kodwa baye bakhetha ukungena.
Akukho ngaphantsi koxanduva lokuba ungene kwibanga ngaphambi kokuba unqume ukuba ungabantwana. Akufanele uzame ukuboleka imali kubangani kunye nosapho , nokuba. Ezi zikhetho, kodwa kuyamkeleka ukuba usho oya kubo.
Ukufikelela kwimida yakho yomthwalo
Ukungabi nantoni kunokuba nzima ngokomoya . Uyazi ukuba awukwazi ukunyamezela omnye umjikelezo, inyanga enye, okanye omnye unyaka wokuzama ukukhulelwa. Ndiyathemba, uyaqonda ukuba usondele malunga nokuphazamiseka kwakho ngaphambi kokufika apho.
Oko kwathiwa, into eninzi kwiibini ezithandanayo kuphela zikhetha ukuba zingabantwana emva kokuba zidlulisele umda weemvakalelo.
Ngaba ukhetha ukuba ngumntwana onikezela umntwana okanye ukusilela?
Ukukhetha (okanye ukufuna ukwamukelwa) ubomi obungenabantwana abuyekanga okanye buphelelwe ukuhluleka.
" Kuthekani ukuba ndizama omnye umjikelezo omnye? Kuthekani ukuba inyanga ezayo yayiza kuba yinyanga? "Ezi zinto zixhalabisayo. Nangona kunjalo, akunakunyani ukuba ukuba uqhubeka uzama, ekugqibeleni uza kufumana umntwana. Akukho ziqinisekiso. Ayikho into enjengama-100 ekhulwini amathuba okukhulelwa okanye uhambo lokungeniswa kakubi.
Ngaphezu koko, into ebalulekileyo kukuba akunayo umntwana. U-Pamela Mahoney Tsigdinos, umbhali we- Silent Sorority , ucebisa ngelithi, "Njengoko kunzima nje ukubeka ingqungquthela yokungenelela kwezonyango kwinkcubeko 'Musa ukuyeka!', Nceda ungazibingeleli okanye uhlambuluke."
Ukuqhubela phambili: Ukujongana neSigqibo Sakho
Ukukhetha okanye ukhetha ukwamkela ubomi obungenamntwana kunokuzisa uxolo kunye nesisombululo kumzabalazo wakho wokungabikho komntwana, kodwa kunokukunceda uzive uvakalelo kunye nomsindo. Ukuba unetyala kwiindleko zonyango lokuzala , ukuhlawula loo ntlawulo yenyanga-mali kunokukwenza kube nzima ukuhamba emoyeni.
Yazi oku: ekugqibeleni uza kuhamba, kwaye ekugqibeleni uza kufumana ulonwabo kwakhona. Kuya kuthatha ixesha kunye nemigudu-kodwa izinto ziya kuphucula. Nazi ezinye iindlela zokufikelela kule xesha elilukhuni.
Zinike ixesha lokulila
Xa umntu elahlekelwa ngumzali, umntwana okanye iqabane, abantu bayaqonda ukuba kuthatha ixesha ukulila. Umbutho uyaqonda ukuba umntu olahlekelwe ngumthandayo ufuna inkxaso. Nangona kunjalo, ukulahleka okuza kunye nokungabikho abantwana emva kokusweleka kungabonakali. Ulila-ulila ubomi obucinga.
Yiba nesineke, kwaye uzinike ixesha lokuba uzive ungcono. Ngokomnye uphando, kuthathe phakathi kweminyaka emithathu nemine kubafazi abangenabantwana ukuba bayeke ukucinga ngokubaluleka kwabo "njengengenasiphelo."
Funda malunga nokuphila okungenamntwana
Ukuphila ubomi obungenasantlwana akuyona into esiyibona rhoqo, kwaye ke kunokuziva kungavamile. Noko ke, akukho nto engavumelekanga ngokuphila ubomi bakho ngaphandle kokuba nezingane.
Ukufunda malunga nokuphila kwabantu abangabantwana kungakunceda uzive ukhululekile ngale ndlela yokuphila, kwaye uncede uzive ungcini. Khangela amabhulogi, iincwadi, kunye neememori ebomini obungenabantwana, kwanabo abaye bakhetha le ndlela yokuphila kwaye abazange bafike kuyo ngokungabikho komntwana.
Bhala ibali lakho
Musa ukufunda nje ngokuphila okungenamntwana-bhalela malunga nalo. Xelela ibali lakho. Unokuqala iblogi , okanye ubhale imemori. Ibali lakho linokubakhuthaza kunye nenkxaso kwabo bafumana into efanayo. Awudingi ukwenza ibali lakho livulekele kuluntu, nangona kunjalo. Unokubhala ibali lakho kumhlobo okanye umgqirha.
Fumana inkxaso
Awudingi ukwenza oku wedwa. QHUBEKA: UMbutho weSizwe ongenakunqwenela unamacandelo enkxaso, kwaye kwezinye iindawo, zinamaqela kulabo abangenabantwana emva kokusweleka. Fumana enye uze uyijoyine. (Awunayo iqela kwindawo yakho? Cinga ukuqala enye! Qhagamshelana QHUBEKA ukufumanisa indlela.)
Ezinye iimithombo zenkxaso ziquka:
- Iifom ye- intanethi kulabo abangenabantwana
- Ingcali yeengcali (iphakanyisiwe kakhulu!)
- Abahlobo kunye namalungu entsapho (ewe, nokuba banabantwana)
Thatha ixesha lokuphuhlisa iSicwangciso B (okanye C)
Musa ukulinda nje ukuba ubone indlela ubomi bakho obuya kuhluka ngayo. Thatha ixesha lokuba ukhangele oko ufuna, ngoku ukuba abantwana abayi kuba yinxenye yalo. Umgqirha unokukunceda ngokufumana indlela entsha yobomi bakho.
Funa amanye amathuba okunyusa
Awukwazi ukulungele oku kwangoku, kodwa ekugqibeleni, khangela ezinye iindlela zokuhambisa umnqweno wakho wokondla. Mhlawumbi oko kuthetha ukuzitholela "ubuncinci besantana." Izilwanyana zingaba ngumthombo omkhulu wokuthuthuzela kunye nothando.
Ukuba unenhlanhla ngokwaneleyo ukuba ube namantombazane okanye abazalwana abasondeleyo, bamkele indima yakho njengalowo u -Auntie okanye umalume omangalisayo. Ungaphinda ufune ukujonga amathuba okuzithandela nabantwana .
Vumela ukuba ujabule
Kukulungele ukuvuya. Ngamanye amaxesha, abantu banomuva wokungcatshiswa kokulahlekelwa kwabo ukuba bavuyiswe ngabantwana emva kokungabikho. Benza (ngokuphosakeleyo) bakholelwa ukuba ukuba banandiphe ubomi babo ngaphandle kobantwana kuthetha ukuba "abafuni" njengokuba benza. Unokonwaba ngokukodwa ubomi bakho obungenabantwana kwaye ulila ubomi owake wacinga. Bobabini banokwenyaniso.
Igama elivela kwi-Verywell
Isigqibo sokuba ngumntwana ongekho umntwana ukuba senze. Awunyanzelekile ukuba uzame yonke indlela ekhoyo phambi kokukhetha ubomi obungenabantwana. Unokuzifumana kwiimeko ezikhethiweyo, okanye unokuba unyanzelekile ukuba wamukele ubomi obungenasiphelo.
Kungakhathaliseki ukuba unjani ukuba ungabantwana, awunabo nawuphi na inkcazo . Ukuba wena kunye nomlingane wakho (ukuba unayo) uxolo kunye nesigqibo, kulungile. Ngexesha, inkxaso, kwaye mhlawumbi ukucebisa ngeengcali , uya kuphulukisa. Ubomi obonwabileyo bunokwenzeka ngaphandle kwabantwana.
U-Pamela Mahoney Tsigdinos unokuthetha oku kwindlela yokuphulukisa:
"Uza kuba nokulimaza ngaphambi kokuba uphilise. Ukuphilisa akusiyo umgca. Kuya kuba neentsuku ezilungileyo nezimbi. Ukungenzi nto akuyiyo into oyifumanayo. Uya kuhambisana nalo. Izikhumbuzo zokuba bekube ziza kuhlala ziphi, kodwa intlungu iya kuthi, ngokukhawuleza, iyancipha. Uxolo novuyo luya kubuya ebomini bakho. Ngoku udla iqondo lefesane eyokukusebenzela kakuhle ubomi bakho bonke. Uya kufumana unamandla kunokuba ucinga ukuba unako. Inguqu yakho iya kunika indlela yobomi obutsha. Ukusebenzisa ithuba lokusebenzisa konke okufundileyo. "
> Imithombo:
> Rosner, Marni, "Ukubuyiswa Kwimivuzo Yokulahleka Okubuhlungu: Ukufunda Kwabesetyhini Abaphila Ngaphandle Kwabantwana Emva kokungabi Namaqhinga" (2012). Udokotela kwi-Social Work (DSW). Iphepha lePhepha 20.
> I-intanethi ye-imeyili kunye no-Brooke K, uBrenda B, uCathy B, i-Shores eyahlukeneyo, uElaine, uKallie S, uKate, uKinsey W, uKlara, uLesley Pyne, uLinda R, Pamela Mahoney Tsigdinos, uSara Chamberlin.