Ukususela esemncinane, amakhwenkwe aphantsi koxinzelelo olunzulu ukuba ahambelane neemfuno zabanye malunga nokuba njani kunye nendlela yokwenza ngayo. Ngokuqhelekileyo kuthetha ukungavezi enkulu imvakalelo. Nangona kunjalo, uphando lubonise ukuba abantwana abafana banomdla ngakumbi ngokomntwana kunamantombazana. Kodwa ngeli xesha abafana abaneminyaka emihlanu ubudala, bafunda ukuphelisa phantse yonke imvakalelo ngaphandle kwomsindo.
Ininzi yale nto ingenxa yokuba uluntu luxabisa abantu abanobudlova, obukhuni kunye nolwazi olulawulayo. Kodwa xa abafana abavumelani nale "nkwenkwe yenkwenkwezi" kwaye kunoko babonise uhlangothi lwabo olubucayi ngokunyamekela, abanomusa okanye abanesihawu, bahlala bexhatshazwa kwaye bahlaziswa. Le nyaniso kwakhona yenza ukuba kubekho ekujoliswe kuzo ngabangqineli . Kuthekani ukuba ngaba abazali baqala ukugxininisa ikhowudi yenkwenkwe kwaye endaweni yoko bavumela abafana babo ukuba baqiniseke ngakumbi ngeemvakalelo zabo? Ngaba kuya kuba nefuthe lokuxhaphaza ?
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Igama elithi "ikhowudi yenkwenkwezi" yayithandwa ngabantu bezonyango ngengqondo kunye nomlobi uWilliam Pollack. Wachaza indlela abafana abaxhomekeke ngayo kuluntu, ngabazali, kunye nabanye abaninzi ukuba baphikise iimvakalelo zabo kwaye benze izinto ezinzima. Ngokuqhelekileyo, ikhowudi yenkwenkwezi isethi yokuziphatha kunye nemigaqo yokuziphatha apho uluntu ludlulela kubafana.
Incwadi kaPollack, Real Boys: Ukuhlangula Abafana Bethu kwi-Myths of Boyhood , ichaza inkcazo yenkwenkwe njengemfuneko yemakhwenkwe.
Ithi bafanele bazimelele, bajonge, bahlasele, banamandla, bahloniphe kwaye banentloni nantoni na. Ukuba abayibonakalisi le mpawu, ke bayabonakala. Kwaye kubonakala ngathi ininzi yoluntu iyathengela kulo myalezo.
Ukususela kwixesha elisemncinci, abafana baxelelwa oko kwamkelekileyo kunye noko kungavumelekanga ukuba benze, ukuthetha nokuziva.
Ngokomzekelo, bavame ukuva iibinzana ezinjenge-"musa ukuba yi-wimp," "musa ukukhala," "yenza njengendoda," "ungabi yinkwenkwana yamama," kunye nezinye iincinzana. Okona kubaluleke, baxelelwa ukuba "ningafani nentombazana," okanye "yinto yokudlala yintombazana," okanye "kuphela amantombazana agqoke i-pink." Akukona nje ukuba le meko ibenzela ukuba balwe nodonga, kodwa ngokunxulumene nantoni nantoni na into yokuba intombazana yenza okubi okanye ingaphantsi kwaye ayikho into ekufuneka iyenze. Abaninzi bakholelwa apho ukuxhatshazwa kakubi kwezesondo kunye neentlobano zesini .
Ukwenza izinto zibe zibi nakakhulu, uPollack uthi abafana bayaphoqelelwa kwiindawo zokufunda ezingabandakanyi iindlela zabo zokufunda. Enyanisweni, abantu abaninzi abaqapheli ukuba abafana bafunda kwaye baziphathe ngendlela eyahlukileyo kunamantombazana. Ngokomzekelo, xa abafana beziphatha ngendlela ephazamisekayo okanye banobudlova, abantu abaqapheli ukuba le ndlela yendalo ukuba abafana bahlanganyele.
Kunoko, abafana baqeqeshwe ngokwamasiko abo kwaye banyanzelekile ukuba bahambelane nekhowudi yenkwenkwe. Bafundiswa ukuba bangalandeli i-intuition yabo, kungekhona ukuba bazive iimvakalelo kwaye bangahlakuli ubuchule babo bezentlalo okanye zentlalo kuba ukwenza oko kuya kubabenza besetyhini.
Ngenxa yoko, amanye amantshukumo azama ukutshintsha indlela abantu abajonga ngayo kwaye baphatha abafana.
Kodwa abanye bakhathazeka kukuba ukunyusa ukuxhobisa abafana kunye nokujongana neemfuno zabo kuya kuthintela kakubi ukunyuka ukuxhobisa amantombazana. Abaxhasi benkqubela bathi into eyahlukileyo iya kwenzeka. Bakholelwa ukuba ukuxhotyiswa kwamantombazana akuyi kufumana ukufikelela kwaso kwada kuba abafana baxhaswa kwaye bakhuthazwa ukuba bakwazi ukufikelela kwabo.
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Xa abafana befundiswa ukuba bangaziveli iimvakalelo zabo okanye abazange bafundiswe malunga nendlela yokusebenzelana ngayo, konke okuseleyo ngumsindo kunye nomvo wokunqanyulwa. Ngexesha elide, inkwenkwe iya kugxotha ihlabathi lakhe langaphakathi kunye neemvakalelo zakhe ngokuthanda ukwenza oko kulindeleke kuye.
Kwaye iziphumo ziyakhathaza.
Kukho uphando oluninzi olubonisa ukuba abafana bavakalelwa kukuba bazincinci, banomnqweno omncinci kwaye bazive bengaphantsi kobubele kwiintsapho zabo nakwizikolo zabo kunabantombazana. Iingcali zendlela yokuziphatha yenkwenkwe zikholelwa ukuba konke oku kwenzeka ngenxa yokuba abafana baphoqeleka ukuba bahambelane nekhowudi yenkwenkwe. Olu xinzelelo lokuba luhlale luqinileyo lithetha ukuba abafana bafunda ukudonga iimvakalelo zabo ekugqibeleni, balahlekelwa ithuba lokuphuhlisa ingqondo okanye ukuvelana .
Ngaphezu koko, abafana abavunyelwe ukuvakalisa iimvakalelo ezininzi iintombazana zivakalisa kwaye zithandekile ukuba zibe kufuphi kakhulu nabahlobo babo besilisa. Uloyiko kukuba baya kuthiwa babuthathaka, besetyhini okanye abasengozini. Le miqobo emakhwenkwe inokudala amadoda amancinci awanzima kuphela ukuveza iimvakalelo zabo kunye nokungabikho kobuhlobo obusondeleyo kodwa abanobunzima bokuzibulala. Ngaphezu koko, ukujamelana nokungakwazi ukuveza iimvakalelo ezibuhlungu kunye neentloni, amakhwenkwe atyelela utywala, ezemidlalo, ukutya, ukunyanzeliswa ngokwesini kunye nobudlova kunye nodlova .
Ulungelelaniso phakathi kweKhowudi yoMntwana kunye noXhatshazo
Ngenxa yokuba amakhwenkwe alindeleke ukuba alawulwe kwaye angakhuselekanga, xa behluleka ukuhlangabezana nalo mgangatho, bayaziva benetloni. Amaninzi amaninzi, eli hlazo liba ngumsindo, umsindo kunye nokuzonda. Oku kudibanisa inetyhefu yeemvakalelo ezinokubangela udlame lwesikolo nokuxhatshazwa.
Ngaphezu koko, uxinzelelo lokuba luhlale luqinileyo lubafundisa ukuphika iimvakalelo zabo. Ekugqibeleni, abakwazi ukuhlakulela ngokupheleleyo ingqondo yabo engqondweni okanye bawandise izakhono zabo zengqondo, ezizinto eziphambili ekukhuseleni ukuxhaphazwa . Xa abafana bengenalo ulwaphulo-mvakalelo okanye uvelwano, bathambekele ekuxhaseni abanye ngenxa yokuba abanako ukujonga imeko evela komnye umntu.
Kwakhona, amakhwenkwe athambekele ekujoliseni abanye abancinci, abathathaka okanye abathathaka kakhulu. Kwaye abaninzi bakholelwa ngenxa yenkwenkwe yenkwenkwe efakwe kuyo, baziva banelungelo lokwenza njalo. Enyanisweni, bahlala bexhatshazwa -bebetyala , bekholelwa "ukuba akazange akwenze oko kungenjalo akayi kuhlaselwa."
Indlela yokubeka iNkcazo yoMntwana ngaphandle kweNkwenkwezi kunye neNkwenkwezi yoMntwana
Akukho mntu ufuna ukuphakamisa umxhaphazi . Kodwa uphando lubonakala lubonisa ukuba ukuba abazali banamathela kwinkqubo yenkwenkwe, banokwenza oko kanye. Akunakuphika ukuba akulula ukuvelisa inkwenkwe enobubele , ecingayo, edibeneyo namhlanje. Umbutho uye wabeka imilinganiselo yokuziphatha kwenkwenkwe engahambisani nomhlobo wenkwenkwe onokuyicinga ukuphakamisa. Nazi izicwangciso ezine malunga nendlela yokubeka ikhowudi yenkwenkwe kwicala kunye nokuphakamisa inkwenkwe eyaziwayo neyentlonelo.
- Qinisekisa iimvakalelo zengane yakho, kwanokuba ezimbi . Ukuvumela amakhwenkwe azi ukuba iimvakalelo ziqhelekileyo kwaye akukho nto eyoyikwesabayo ihamba ixesha elide ekuphuculeni ukuqonda kunye nokuqonda kwengqondo. Mkhumbuze ukuba abantu abaphumelelayo bayakwazi ukuchaza iimvakalelo, babonise inceba kwabanye, babambisane kwaye basombulule iingxaki ngokufanelekileyo . Fundisa unyana wakho ukuba aqonde njani iimvakalelo zakhe aze aziphathe ngendlela ephilileyo.
- Bonisa imfesane kwicala lakhe lesithenda . Ngokuchasene nenkolelo eninzi, ukuvumela unyana wakho ukuba amkele uhlangothi lwakhe olubucayi aluyonto. Kunoko, kukhokelela ekuziphatheni okuphezulu kunye nokwamkeleka okukhulu. Mvumele ukuba abe neentlungu, aze akhale, ukuba ufuna. Musa ukumnyanzela ukuba aphike iimvakalelo zakhe zokwenene. Ngokwenza njalo, uya kufumana amandla angaphakathi kunokuba angaphandle kwamandla.
- Yamkela ukuba abafana banomgangatho ophezulu wokusebenza . Nika unyana wakho indawo ephephile ukuba aphule umqhubi othile. Ngelixa abazali abaninzi bevuma ukufana nobufana bamakhwenkwe, kukho abanye abangayithandiyo. Ukuba ungumzali onelungelo lokunyamezela elincinane kwinkwenkwe yamandla, zenzele ukuze ufumane iindlela zokusebenza. Khumbula, ukuba unyana wakho akanako iindlela eziphilileyo zokukhulula amandla akhe , uya kufumana ezinye iindlela zokuphuma kuzo. Kuhlala kukulungele ukunika enye into enempilo impilo yakho.
- Gwema ukwenza ulwahlulo lwesini . Ngamanye amagama, ungasebenzisi amabinzana aqhelekileyo afumaneka kwikhowudi yenkwenkwefana ethi "ungabi ngumntwana onjalo," okanye "ufunde ukuthakazelisa." Futhi ungamhlekisi umntwana wakho ngenxa yokukhala, ukubonisa iimvakalelo okanye ukufuna ukuba nomama wakhe. Zonke ezi zinto ziyinxalenye ebalulekileyo yenkwenkwe ekhulayo. Akufanele ahlekxwe ngenxa yokunyaniseka.